Thursday, February 06, 2014

crying over a book

I don't usually cry while reading books, heck I don't usually cry during movies. I am not usually a crier, yet The Fault in Our Stars had me practically sobbing. I knew when I started it, it was sad/depressing.  I assumed that someone was going to die and I tried to prepare myself.  I assumed that it was going to be cheesy like Nicholas Spark's A Walk To Remember. I was determined to get sucked in.
Yet I fell, hook, line and sinker.

Hours later, I am still in a bit of a shock.
I need to find a new book to get into, something to get my mind off of this one.
The crazy this is, I can't explain why this book has stuck with me.
Is it because I have thought about death and seen someone die a slow, painful death.  I understand about the "Best Day," because I have seen it and experienced and understand what a gift it is?
Is it because I am trying to figure out what is next in my life and I trying to figure out how to make an impact in this life, that I don't want my life to be for nothing?
Is it because I am a sucker for stories of true love?
What is it that has resonated so much with me?

When I read, especially fiction I don't underline or make notes, yet I was tempted because there were some lines that I just didn't want to forget, to let go of:

“But it is the nature of stars to cross, and never was Shakespeare more wrong than when he has Cassius note, ‘The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars / But in ourselves.”  The Fault In Our Stars by John Green

“Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.”  The Fault In Our Stars by John Green

 “You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, old man, but you do have some say in who hurts you.” The Fault In Our Stars by John Green

“the world wasn't made for us, we were made for the world” The Fault In Our Stars by John Green

“My cancer is me. The tumors are made of me. They’re made of me as surely as my brain and my heart are made of me. It is a civil war with a predetermined winner”The Fault In Our Stars by John Green
(me the biologist understands this so well how the body rebels against itself so to speak)

“The real heroes anyway aren't the people doing things; the real heroes
are the people NOTICING things, paying attention. The guy who invented the smallpox vaccine didn't actually invent anything. He just noticed that people with cowpox didn't get smallpox.”  The Fault In Our Stars by John Green
(I absolutely love this quote, it is so true, it is such a reminder to be in the moment and not stuck in the past or worrying about the future)

“There's no way of knowing that your last good day is Your Last Good Day. At the time, it is just another good day.”  The Fault In Our Stars by John Green
(you never know when life is going to completely turn upside down)

and the spoiler quote of all times: 

“The only person I really wanted to talk to about Augustus Water's death with was Augustus Waters.” The Fault In Our Stars by John Green

For some reason, that line was the line in the book where I completely lost it.  Though I have never lost a boyfriend/husband/best friend, I could fully imagine that feeling and how hard that would be.  After we lost Charles there have been things that have happened and my first reaction was, I can't wait to tell Charles about this and then I would realize I couldn't.  

 I haven't ever lost someone I have loved romantically but I have lost several people who meant a whole lot to me and my world fell apart a little when they were gone.  I saw how death can slowly take someone away, you get one last good day, and then they are gone for good.  I know the empty feeling of loss that comes after death and how you don't always necessarily want to move forward in time and away from them, but yet you have to.  

 We are not perfect, we are all human, life is full of "great and terrible moments", but this is what we got, we need to notice and pay attention to the bigger picture because in the end love wins.

 

 

 

 



1 comment:

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