Saturday, February 04, 2012

the mundane

Sometimes I am surprised by how much I love working part-time and staying at home with my kids.  I don't love the lack of money sometimes, but then again, do I really need more stuff? and then there is the whole battle with materialism,but that is a whole other story for another day. 
I can't have it all: I can't stay at home with my kids and have lots of disposable income and lots of stuff, and a big house.  Speaking of house, I would love a bigger house, but a bigger house would mean more money and in order to have more money I would need to work more so if I worked more for the house, would I even have time to enjoy my bigger house because I was busy at work?  You know it is ridiculous, how the more time you spend at home the less money you probably have and the smaller house you own and  you probably could use a bigger house since you are home a lot, but a bigger house would require more income, which would mean more time at work which would mean less time at said house which would probably negate the necessity of having the bigger house.  Did that make any sense?
So a total Catch-22.  Basically we always want what we don't have and when we work towards what we want we usually don't necessarily want it anymore because we realized how good we have it.
I digress.
I love being a domestic engineer, I really do.
I like cooking dinner for my family, I like cleaning, now that I have laundry under control, I like laundry, I like grocery shopping and meal planning, I like organizing, I like playing, I like being at home.  I wish there were some more hours in the day because there is so much stuff to do and not enough time, but I am content with life.
I will have to admit part of my contentment comes from Lance being in Kindergarten most of the day so I only have one kid at home, but over Christmas break after we got into a routine I enjoyed having him back to being home all the time and was sad he had to return to all day Kindergarten.
I had a realization last night while reading: right now I am my kids' best friend, in a couple of years (hopefully more than just a couple) I won't be.  I will be replaced by their peers.  This realization made me realize that these few years are precious, and fleeting, and I can't get them back.  I need to be in the moment with them, I need to make sure that I am not too busy on things that don't matter even when I am tired.  I will admit sometimes it is easier to sit in a chair and read twitter while my kids play in the sandbox, but I am missing out, I am losing that precious moment.  Sometimes I get bored or I am just tired, but I need to snap out of it, life is moving at warp speed and I don't want to miss it.  I was reminded to stay engaged, to live in the moment, because the moment will be over before I know it.  I was reminded to not take the easy road such as my kids \ watch a video on the ipad while I am fixing dinner, I need them to help me fix dinner even if it will be harder, slower, and messy.    So today is Saturday, I will try and be in the moment though it is hard, sometimes I just want a break, I also have stuff to do, school work and it is hard to find time, to find balance, but I have to remember, life is "hebel", vapor, fleeting. (Ecclesiastes 1:2).  Sometimes we can just go through life in a fog and then a light turns on and we see what really matters.  I hope that my wake up call, my fog light will stay on and I can daily be reminded to be engaged because I only have one shot and I don't want to blow it.

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