memories

This beach trip has been a lot of fun, but there have been quite a few sad moments as well. Last year when we were at the beach, Charles and Gram were still alive and though they both did not have life was not ideal, they were around and now both of them are gone. I never thought that we would lose both of them in a year, I kind of thought somehow Gram would outlast us all. Even though Gram has been "gone" for years since her memory has been gone and she wasn't herself, she was still there, like she always was, a constant, and having her around made Pop seem not so far away, I always felt that he knew what was going on through her. Losing Charles though was much harder, though he never was technically my father, he was around a lot longer than my own. I even have picked up a few Charles characteristics/behaviors from him, some good, some bad, but he rubbed off on me through the years, which is ironic because when I was in high school that would be the last thing I would have wanted.
What bring back the sadness and loss the most though, is Lance's new desire to fish. We went out on the pier Tuesday night and Lance decided he wanted to fish and he wanted a fishing pole. If Charles was here and he would have taken Lance out and fished with him and showed him everything there was to fish, he would have even bought him a fishing pole. It makes me sad knowing what Lance is missing. It also makes me sad that my mom doesn't have someone to grow old with or enjoy retirement with. There area also the stories, seeing the shark, the dragonfly in the house, the people, all the stories that he would enjoy, but he isn't around to tell. It is sad. I miss him. So though we are having a good time, there are small pauses where I think back on the last year and remember what is missing. I guess I need to get Lance and fishing pole and learn to fish to make Charles proud.