Tuesday, April 29, 2008

i keep telling myself they are just clothes

but they are so much more and it makes me a little sad.
In a corner of Lance's room I have a box of clothes that he has outgrown and a few items that he needs to grow into. Since #2 is going to be our last (according to Jeff, I change my mind like the wind) there are some clothes from last summer that I could pass on to a friend's little guy since we have similar tastes and a few items were hers to begin with. Anyways, I pulled a few things out but knew there was more so I pulled out the storage containers from the crawl spaces. I found some items for Haden and realized that I had three storage boxes that were totally full so I began to organize them to make room for more stuff. Last summer's clothes brought back memories of Lance learning how to walk, the beach, and babysitting John and Thomas and that is when I realized, some clothes are just clothes, but others are memories and quite sentimental. The clothes he wore the first few months are really special, not because of anything that happened while he wore them, but because of who gave them to him. There was the striped pjs from "aunt" Christy who moved away, the pooh newborn socks from the secretaries at the high school I taught at, the dinosaur outfit from my friend Jen from our old church, handi-me downs from the Maxsons who now live in France, an outfit from a family I use to babysit for, and so on. A lot of the clothes were from people who aren't in my everyday life anymore because they moved away or I don't work with them anymore or life just changes things. It was nice to go through all of the clothes and remember when Lance worn it and who gave it to us, but at the same time it was sad and is another reminder of how quickly children grow up and life changes. I am so excited about having a little girl, for so many reasons, but sad that she won't be wearing some of my favorite outfits and since Jeff doesn't want to have anymore babies I might not have another little one to put them in again which makes me sad too. I did pull out quite a few neutral items from the 0-3 month phase that I will put on new baby and that made me feel a little better. Part of me is sad that I am having a girl and not another boy who could wear all of my favorite outfits, though I don't know how many they would end up wearing since Lance and baby would be in different seasons, but maybe it is because there might not be anymore children after #2 and that is what saddens me. I don't understand why I would be sad that #2 is it for us because this pregnancy has not been a lot of fun, I know it could be a lot worse, but it has been rough, I don't love being pregnant like some. I love feeling the baby move and I will miss that, but not the crazy digestive system, dry heaving, tiredness, back pain, largeness, etc. I also have no clue what it is like to have 2 children let alone 3, I could totally change my mind come August, I guess only time will tell. So this morning I realized that clothes aren't just clothes sometimes and time doesn't stand still so I really need to enjoy every moment before it is gone.

1 comment:

Valley Girl said...

Even though I don't have kids, I completely know how you feel.


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