Tuesday, November 06, 2007

i really am in a holding pattern

Last week I was frustrated because I was in a holding pattern, which in that sense I am not anymore, but I realized I really am in a holding pattern when it comes to life in general. I am just waiting and waiting, and holding for things to get better. I am not doing everything I want to do now because I am waiting. Things aren't the way I would like them to be, but I think that in the future this won't be the case so I will wait, but what if I am waiting forever? For six years now I think that the shop will be more successful and Jeff won't have to work as many days and hours, but he is working more now then ever it seems. I keep thinking one day we will be able to go out-of-town every now and then, but we haven't yet, so do I just keep waiting? I keep thinking one day Jeff can have a weekend and we will be able to do things together, but when, when Lance is in high school? I keep thinking things will get better financially and we will finally be able to get ahead, I am waiting for the day when we have a little extra money to buy things that we need, but aren't absolutely necessary. I have been waiting for things to get better for four or five years now and they aren't, if anything they are worse so what do we do know? For years I have watched other women with these great friends and social lives and I think, one day that will be me, but will it be? Is this as good as it gets? I don't think so. Why do I feel that I grabbed the short straw? or missed the boat on boat leaving for friendship clique island. Why can't I have the dream that I see everyone living? When is it going to be my turn?

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