Thursday, October 11, 2007
nothing i can do
Yesterday I had an Internet free day with the exception of checking our bank account to find out where I made the mistake on Quicken. I thought it was going to be harder to do then it was. Today I back checking bank, e-mail, some blogs, itunes, weather, etc and not getting a lot done. So I need to find a good balance. It it actually quite chilly today which is a total difference then yesterday. Also Lance's cold/allergy/whatever has turned into a yucky yellow runny mess. He seems to feel okay, he just looks nasty. Today I am extremely frustrated because I am a doer and there is nothing I can really do when it comes to our financial situation. This morning I made a list of possible situations that could help (sell house, get a full time job, get part time job, sell car, close the store) and nothing had the positives outweighing the negatives. Yes, we could sell the house, we could get some money to live off of, but would we ever be able to afford another one? could I stand being in an apartment? would it really be cheaper, with rent as high as it is? we could sell the car but we would have to buy something and even though the payment could be lower, we might be having to get it fixed more often. So after thinking of some solutions I realized that we are pretty much stuck in a holding pattern and the only thing I can do it pray. I know that we are doing what we are suppose to do, but why is it so hard. I know that I should be thankful because compared to Sudan we have a palace, but we are going to soon lose this palace if we can't pay the mortgage. We are behind on all bills which makes me sick to my stomach because we are paying late fees, but the money isn't there. I just need faith that we are doing the right thing and right now that seems so hard because I don't know if we are doing the right thing. How do you know when you are suppose to give up?