Friday, June 22, 2007

the doctor

This morning I had a doctor's appointment and my mom's best friend babysat Lance. It was rough leaving Lance because this was the first time I had left him with someone other than my mom or Jeff. I was worried about it my whole trip there wondering if he would be okay and if he was screaming his head off. My wonderings were correct, it turns out that he did cry after I left and then fell asleep and slept the whole time I was gone. So the first step of Lance's independence of me began this morning. The doctor visit was kind of depressing. It sucks sitting in the waiting room watching all of these pregnant women come and go. There was a couple across the room who were celebrating the ultrasound and the news that they were having a little girl. What was interesting was the woman did not even look pregnant, it made me wonder, is that the way I looked when I was 5 months pregnant? Well the seeing the doctor did not help the wanting to be pregnant longings. Right after the doctor asked how I was doing he said, "Lance tells me he is lonely, so when you going to have another one." Several times in the ten minutes I saw the doctor he made some kind of comment about having another. Jeff says it is just because he wants more of our money, I just think he is an OB, isn't that just the way he is wired? As he was leaving he gave me the reminder paper of when to schedule another exam and asked if I would even need the reminder sheet because I would being seeing him in a couple of months because we would be pregnant, we will see and that it was up to Jeff. I don't understand why I want to go through all the torture of being pregnant, delivery, and those couple of months again and how I think we would possibly be able to afford another one. I get frustrated because I just want to be content with life now, another one will complicate things, and do I really want to go through all of that again. And like Jeff says, Lance is perfect, will the second be that way too?
On a random note I found at the JCrew outlet a pair of shoes that I have been wanting. They are normally $118, but I got them for $50. I feel bad spending the money because we are so broke, but I really want a pretty pair of shoes and all I ever wear are flip flops anymore.

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