Sunday, June 17, 2007

can't sleep

Pre-lance I would have to get eight hours of sleep to function and I could sleep easily, now sleep can be such a hard thing some nights. If anything is bothering me I can't sleep or if Lance doesn't follow his usual pattern, can't sleep. He usually gets up at 5 or 5:30 to eat and goes back to bed, if he gets up at 6 or after like he did this morning I can't go back to sleep. I guess that maybe it is the light that disturbs my sleep pattern, at 5 it is still dark, but at 6 it is bright and my brain thinks it is time to get up. Who knows.
Today is Father's day. This holiday has never meant a lot to me since my father has been gone for so many years. I think with each new year it will mean more since Jeff is now a father. This year I got Jeff a card which is a set up from last year when I don't think I got him anything. Maybe next year he will get a gift!
Lance will now say one word. It is not mommy or daddy, it is "UP." He does not say it to be held up he just mimics up, but it is still cute. I am just happy that we have one recognizable word, extremely low expectations here!
Yesterday I did a very difficult thing for me to do. I went to Jeff's brother's house for a Father's day dinner. It took a whole lot of prayer, but I went. I felt like I was going into the lion's den because I am not well liked in his family. I got through the evening without doing offending anyone, i think, but I guess I will find that out later. It was a no win situation. If we didn't go then it showed that we are trying to make things work which isn't true, but if we did go and I did or say something wrong then I am screwed too. I am sure I did not come off as friendly because I did not really say much because I didn't want to say anything that would upset anyone, but then again no one really talked to me either, but no one will notice that, they will just see me not talking. Ahhhhhh! I hate the double standards that exist. There is a higher standard set on me and it is a standard that is impossible to meet, if I don't initiate conversation and talk a lot then I am not friendly and if I do then I am "raking someone over the coals." I can't win and I am glad that I made an appearance and hopefully I won't have to for another six months or maybe Christmas!
On a positive note: we might have found our beach house. The beach house that we have been staying in the last two years is booked up until December. We found another one that we like that is availabe and reasonably priced. The upside is that every bedroom has a deck and it has a great view of the ocean, the downside is the furniture isn't as cool as the other house we stayed in, but the view is a lot more important anyways! Oh I can't wait to go to the beach for a whole week, I wish I could go tomorrow.

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