Thursday, January 04, 2007

me, a commitmentphobe

I don't even know if a commitmentphobe is really a word, but I am afraid of commitment. I wasn't always like this, having a baby really changes everything. Before Christmas I was working at our store so Jeff could pick up more hours at his morning job, but it was very helpful. In order for the business to succeed he needs to put a lot of time and effort into it and he can't if he is only there for four hours and I am there for two hours and not helping. I had a love-hate relationship with my work schedule, I did not like going in because it was in the middle of my day and I couldn't always get important stuff done, but I enjoyed helping customers and spending time with Jeff once he got to work (we never left right after he got there so even more time was wasted, but it wasn't really because we were spending time together). This week I have been babysitting after school for the two children I used to nanny for, it is fun and it looks like this arrangement could last longer than just this week. I would rather do this everyday then work at our store, but I would rather not have to work at all then babysit. If I wasn't babysitting then we could go to the store, though I don't know if we would be any help, but I still need to work on bringing more women's clothing and accessories to the store. I just don't know what to do. I also don't know why I am stressing about this so much, it isn't like teaching where I have to sign a contract, I could do this for a month and if it isn't working out do something else. Why am I such an extremist? I make things so much harder than they need to be.

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