Thursday, August 24, 2006

when am i going to wake up

I keep expecting my routine or lack of one to be over and that I will have to return to a life of stress and working. I keep thinking I am going to wake up and my dream stay at home life will be over with. I have even had nightmares about teaching and school. I usually get these dreams about this time of year. It still hasn't sunken in yet that I am not going back to teaching and that I don't have to deal with all of that stress and mess. Teaching has made me a very bitter person towards the profession, the school I taught at, and the administration. It is sad that my teaching experience was not a positive one and that I let this bitterness and resentment into my life. I love high school kids and biology, but just not all of the other junk that comes with teaching. All summer long I had this feeling that everything would come to an end like it usually did when August came around and now that everyone I know is back it feels wierd not having to make preparations to go back to school too. I miss my teaching friends and my good students, but not enough to put myself through the stress of going back to work. On a positive note, I now enjoy my time with Lance at home even more because I had a job that I didn't love and being with him is so much better. I will miss football games, the prom, my teacher friends, the moments when I stopped being a teacher and put my guard down, the kids in a non-classroom environment, snow days, and most of all the excitement of the last days of school before summer break. Thinking about the positives make me sad, but my list of negatives is so much longer and I can find ways to spend time with high schoolers without being in the classroom. Besides, my partner in crime, Christy, moved back home and without her, I think the good times would be few and far between. We had some good times didn't we Christy? Okay, I am getting sad, let me focus on the parents- okay I feel better now.

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