Sunday, June 25, 2006

a happy, sad day

Today is a happy day, but also a very sad day. It is a sad day because Christy is moving back home and I won't be able to see her all the time. We met four years ago at new teacher orientation and became fast friends. Even though things have been different since Lance made his debut, I am sad that she won't be across town and available to hang out. I also don't know what I am going to do without her pictures, Christy takes pictures all the time, and she always thinks to take pictures of things I would never think to (such as signs or random objects). I only think to have a camera when it is a party or vacation. Christy has her camera with her at all time, like when we went out for Chinese in hopes that it would bring on labor (it worked for my mom, but not for me). She has captured some memorable moments and is quite good with her little camera. One of my favorite beach pictures was taken by her, she climbed up the dunes and captured the sun setting over the sound, it takes my breathe away every time. I will miss my personal photographer, but I will miss her positive attitude and happy go lucky way of life. It is sad how teaching took away part of that over the years and I hope she can recapture it as time passes. Enough of my pity party, it is not like she moved back to Africa!
Today is a happy day because Lance is two months old today. I can't believe it has been two months, I never thought I would make it to this point. Those first weeks were killer and I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel. Life really is easier like everyone told me it would be. I know it is cheesy, but I am madly in love with my little man. I never thought I would feel this way for someone and how happy he makes me. A little over two months ago when my belly was huge and my bladder was constantly full, I could not imagine holding my little man. I knew I had a baby in that huge protrusion from my middle but at the same time I couldn't fathom it. Lance's birthday was suppose to be the 12th or 13th, but he decided to hold out for almost two more weeks. After 40 weeks I had to go to the doctor every 2 to 3 days and every time I was asked if I wanted to be induced. As much as I wanted the whole process to be over with, I wanted to give him time. I believed he would come when he was ready. I walked around 4cm dilated for a week, in complete amazement that I still hadn't gone into labor. Two days before mandatory induction (42 weeks) I finally went into labor. The nightly contractions that usually subsided by morning kept going and they were getting more painful, but not necessarily regular. We went to the doctor that morning and they sent us on to the hospital. At the doctor's office I was only a little over 4 cm dilated, but an hour later at the hospital I was a six. We had arrived at the hospital at 11:3a.m. and worked through the killer contractions for a few hours. I knew that they were going to hurt, but I didn't know they were going to be as bad as they were. I had contractions that lasted five minutes long! I thought they would never end. By 3p.m. I was miserable and knew that I was not going to make it drug free (my original plan). I was terrified of the epidural so I agreed for something else. It got rid of my pain, but relaxed me so much I felt like I could not get enough oxygen and when it started to wear off the contractions came back but I couldn't talk or open my eyes, it was horrible. The contractions were getting worse and I began to shake uncontrollably and it was at that point I knew I had to have the epidural because I wasn't going to make it without it. Also at this point, I asked Jeff to take me home because I didn't want to do this anymore (yes, I had lost it) and I think I probably said some other crazy stuff. I got the epidural put in, it wasn't as bad as I feared it would be and I felt much better afterwards. After the epidural kicked in, I loved Jeff, I loved the doctor, I loved the baby, I loved my mom, I loved everyone. So after the epidural at 5:30, my water was broken at 7:30. I got some rest that evening because my progress was very slow. Finally a little after midnight I was 9.5 cm and the nurse said we could begin pushing. We pushed for about an hour and half (it didn't seem that long) and the nurse told me that Lance's head was stuck on my pelvic bone and if he wasn't passed it by 2 she was going to get the doc and he would use the vacuum extractor. I pushed like I hadn't ever pushed before and got that head past so we wouldn't have to use the vacuum extractor. The nurse called for the doctor and we pushed for another few minutes and Lance was born at 2:18 am. After over 24 hours of labor (14 at the hospital) my big baby had finally arrived. He weighed 8.5 pounds and he looked so big! He wasn't the tiny little newborn I was expecting, but he was beautiful. I was so amazed that this screaming little thing had been inside of me and was now mine. Life was dreamlike until morning. I thought I would never recover, but here I am two months later and almost back to my old self. I don't think I will ever be the same as I was before becoming pregnant. But I am definitely happier and more in love with my husband and my little wiggle worm. So there is a fairly g-rated version of Lance's birthday, I left out the gory details, I don't want to dwell on the bad so I might consider another one down the road, way down the road, years down the road. So today is happy and sad. One door is closing and another has begun to open, it just won't be the same. Life is good, but it is kind of sad if you think about how things will never be the same again. I won't be a first year teacher again or have memories of going to RiverFlicks with Christy, or sitting out on my screened in porch for hours, or going to the prom as chaperones, or being pregnant with my first child ever again. Life is very different and there is no turning back now. I wish I savored more moments and took more pictures. Thanks Christy for being a good photographer, the good memories and a best friend. Enough sappiness, see ya on Wednesday!

1 comment:

joanna said...

it was a sad, sad day for me too sarah! christy has defintely inspired me to take my camera around more!

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