I never would have thought I would lose sleep and worry over Kindergarten.
The decision really in the grand scheme of things is small, but it seems to be of Goliath proportion and everyone has an opinion and like so many things when it comes to motherhood, there is no right answer.
To send Lance to Kindergarten or not to, that is the question of the year!
I have been flipping and flopping over what to do for months and with preschool applications this week it has been driving me crazy.
After teaching public school for four years I swore I would never send my kid to public school, I thought I would homeschool, but then I realized that Lance and I don't do well together when it comes to academics, we butt heads, and he won't try, perform, or whatever for me.
He also is a very SOCIAL kid and would hate being home schooled, he needs more socialization. Yes, home schoolers get socialization, but Lance wants DAILY socialization and that is only going to happen in a day long school setting. So despite my desire to shelter and teach my children, I can see that it is not best for Lance, especially since he possibly has a learning disability and I do not have the skills to help him.
So then there is the wait a year or send him.
The preschool teacher recommended waiting and sending him to the 5 day half-day 5 year old class, but would 2 hours and 45 minutes of preschool really be beneficial for him? He doesn't need to mature socially or emotionally, he needs to mature academically which I would think would happen in a Kindergarten classroom. I do fear that he could get overwhelmed in Kindergarten, but even if we wait a year he could get overwhelmed if a learning disability is hindering his learning.
Here's the other thing, if he was in the public preschool there would be no decision, he would automatically be sent to Kindergarten, they don't offer a Pre-K program for 5 year olds. Also, if Lance did not go to preschool at all then I would probably just enroll him in school and not even think twice, basically ignorance is bliss.
Then there is the me to consider. If Lance goes to Kindergarten and Lily preschool, that would allow me to have more time to work on my part-time job from home or work a few mornings out of the house which would help us our financially which would be wonderful for our family. I hate stressing about money, but it is has been the number one stress in our life for the last couple of years and I am honestly tired of treading water, I want to have money in savings and be debt-free and that is only going to happen with me working.
Also, I want desperately for Lance to be normal. He just started really talking this past summer and there may be other problems lurking beside a speech delay and I just want him to be normal. Fortunately, going into Kindergarten he has an IEP, a speech therapist and a special ed teacher so he will receive help hopefully before he is in over his head. Then all this worry makes me feel like I am making Lance out to be incapable of learning, and that isn't true.
I just want what is best for Lance, but also for all of us, and unfortunately there is no right answer. Several people have told me how they waited a year to send there kids to Kindergarten and it was the best decision, but how do they really know? You can't have one child go through both scenarios.
I need to stop questioning everything and just stick with my decision to send Lance to Kindergarten. I am just afraid that I am being selfish or stubborn and oblivious to the writing on the wall.
So the Kindergarten decision, I wish it wasn't so difficult and I wish I could stop questioning myself, it is just so hard when it is 8 months down the road yet you have to figure out what you are doing NOW!
I knew motherhood was going to be tough, I just didn't know how tough the little things can seem to be.