Friday, May 01, 2009

in a valley of motherhood

This week has been rough and tough and hasn't brought out the best in me.
I would definitely say I am in a valley right now, waiting for a mountaintop.

1st- Lily seems to think I am a chew toy and seems to want to test out the sharpness of her teeth on me, not fun at all. I had a rough start nursing both kids and right now I feel as though I am in those first few weeks again and it stinks. I am sore and dread feeding times, but this time I am a bit trapped because Lily won't take a bottle or cup, where did I go wrong with that one?

2nd- Lance is not talking and this week has been ultra frustrating with that. If I hear one other person say that he is just going to start anytime or when he ready or not to worry that he will I think I might scream. Yes I know he will one day talk, but he isn't now and it is frustrating now because he won't try, he doesn't seem to care, and I just want him to talk now not tomorrow. His little sounds that he makes instead of noises has just gotten on my nerves this week, I guess because he hasn't made any progress, won't say any sounds, and just doesn't seem to care. He wasn't very cooperative at speech this week and just want him to talk to me. We both get easily frustrated and too many times this week I have gotten mad or snapped at him and I just have had the patience I need, it has been hard.

3rd- Potty training attempt day 2 didn't go so well. We tried this morning, no luck. This afternoon and evening he went his pants twice. Why can't one thing just be easy? I have been good at not getting mad when he has peed on himself, but I am very frustrated that he pees right before or after I try and get him on the potty, my timing is off and it stinks.

4th- Both kiddos have had allergies/colds this week and have been super clingy which makes me a bit irritable, at the end of the day I have little patience for anyone because I just so tired of having someone needed to be held, I am all touched out and have nothing left.

5th- Lily is now semi-mobile and gets into lots of things, Lance's toys especially. Lance does not like her having anything of his or anything for that matter, he is constantly grabbing whatever is in her hands and hiding it or putting it where she can't get to it which then causes her to get upset and cry. He also has been pushing her over and hitting, I am not ready to deal with sibling fighting yet. My sweet boy has been quite mean to his sister and I am just tired of all of the crying.

6th- Lance has been a bit defiant lately and discipline wears me out. He has run away from me in a parking lot twice and in a store once. He is testing his limits and seeing how far he can go, but it makes me sad, where did my sweet baby boy go? Why does he seem to like to do things that I say not to do?

Both kids have been a handful this week and I am tired.
I haven't been able to keep up with the housework and the house has been a bit messy. Of course Jeff had to mention the mess which makes me feel even worse, I am doing the best that I can do, but I am barely treading water. How do women do it, cook, clean, and tend to the kids? This week I haven't been able to do it all because I always seem to have a child awake and wanting my full undivided attention. And i didn't even mention time to myself, maybe next week.

this week has been rough, I have wanted to just run for the hills. my patience is gone. my energy is non-existent. i love my kids and I just feel bad that I have not been the mom they deserve this week, it has been hard,

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