bummed

I had a doctor's appointment on Tuesday. No progress which wasn't surprising, but I was bummed because it is the last time I will see the doctor I have been seeing this pregnancy. My doctor is on vacation for the next two weeks and won't be back until the 16th, bummer. I knew I had a small chance of getting him to be the doctor at the hospital to deliver, but it stinks when the odds are non-existent and hope is gone. Then to add to the great news, another doctor that I have heard wonderful things about and comes highly recommended is also on vacation next week, so mark second choice off the list. Then when I was trying to find a doctor to see next week I found out there is a third doctor out vacation, but I don't know which one that is, hopefully one I don't what. How can so many people be on vacation? Getting an appointment next week was very difficult because with 3 doctors on vacation, one at the hospital, and one off that only leaves 4 doctors and no appointments. I am seeing the doctor that delivered Lance which is fine, but I do know and see him outside of the practice which makes it a little weird, but I didn't have much choice (this doctor's dad delivered me, small world). So next week seems to have slim pickings when it comes to the doctors available which is also a little concerning because that means that each doctor will be at the hospital more than usual and tired doctors make me nervous, I don't make good judgment calls when I am tired and overworked. I know that my expectations have been too high, but knowing this one might be the last one I want everything to be perfect, not really perfect, but at least tolerable. Lance was hard and rough and though it could have been worse, it wasn't like some of the great birth stories my friends have had. Also I want to be like so many of my friends who get their doctors to deliver their babies. I just feel that you will get more attention when it is your doctor as opposed to some stranger who has never laid eyes on you. Part of me wishes I would have changed practices and gone to a midwife (though you still get whoever is there not necessarily just one particular one and then again if something goes wrong you get a doctor who you may not have ever seen), but I really like my OB and didn't want to change. So I am done complaining, bottom line, I like being in control and I hate this whole no control thing. No control over doctor. No control over when I go into labor. I hate sitting around waiting and wondering whether every little sign is the beginning of something, I can blame my doctor for that because he kept saying he thought I would go early and though I still have time I am trying to not get my hopes up. I hate waiting, I really do.