Friday, March 14, 2008

love the warm weather, hate the stress dreams

It has been heavenly this past week: sunny and the temperatures keep climbing. Today the high is suppose to be 70 and it is so beautiful outside. Yesterday we spent every waking moment literally outside. We got up had breakfast, folded some laundry, walked down to Magnolia for a snack, walked to the church playground near our house, walked home, had lunch, had nap, walked back to Magnolia to buy a dish and splat mat (but in a different pattern), played in our yard until we came in a 5:45 to make dinner, ate dinner outside, played outside after dinner until it was dark, had bath, stories, and bed. It was such a great day! Today is even better because it is warmer. We went to story time this morning at the library and then had a picnic lunch and played outside. Lance is currently napping and after nap we are going to head to the playground and then after dinner go for a walk (provided it isn't raining like it is suppose to). I am so excited about spring and the warm weather. Lance is so content and happy when we are outside, it is nice because I don't have to constantly entertain him like I sometimes do when we are inside. I learned all of our outside time is good for him and his development. My mom learned this morning that boys need to spend as much time as possible outside (and as little time in front of the tv and computer), it is good for their development and learning. The lecture she heard was about how schools aren't providing what boys need- outside time and lots of it and gave strategies on how to help boys get the movement and outside time they need to reduce acting out and help them learn better. She says that she is going to give me the notes she took so I can learn better ways to teach Lance now and in the future.
So the daytime is great, but the nights are what I am dreading. I have had horrible dreams lately, I shouldn't say horrible, more like stressful dreams. March 31st is ultrasound day, and I would like baby #2 to be a girl, but after some of the dreams I have been having I realized I REALLY want a girl. I keep having dreams that we find out that we are having a boy and I am really upset and even when I am awake I am still a little sad (the exact thing happened with lance, except the reverse, i dreamed he was going to be a girl and i was upset). I know that I will love my child to pieces regardless of its gender, but I realize through these dreams that my hopes for a girl are stronger then I think I realize, so much so that I am kind of stressed about ultrasound day and thinking about going back to my original plan of not finding out until the baby's birth. It also doesn't help when everyone I know says they think I am having a girl, I know they don't mean harm, but it gets my hopes up. Though I did have dreams that upset me that Lance was a girl, it wasn't nearly as bad as what I have now and I think it is because I knew that I was going to have at least one other child and so if it wasn't a boy we would have another opportunity whereas this time there might not be another. Jeff is very set on #2 being the last one for us and though at times I am on board with that notion when I think about tea parties and dress-up (non superhero dress-up) and barbies and all of the other things girlie things it gets me bummed out. And when I think about the relationship my mom and I have and thinking about how I might not have that with a daughter of my own it gets me sad, yes I can be close to boys, but it isn't the same, school dances, and prom, and a wedding isn't the same with sons(yes it is cheaper, but not the same). On the total materialistic point of view- girl clothes are SO MUCH CUTER than boy clothes and a whole lot easier to find!!!!! I am tired to only looking at the boys side of the Boden catalog because the girl side just makes my heart sink, but thank goodness they separate it unlike some catalogs where you have to sift through all those cute girl things to find one or two average looking boy pieces.
By day, Lance and I have been loving the warm temperatures and sunshine and at night I am awaken stressed and a little sad.
Rereading this I realize how horrible I sound. If baby #2 is a boy I will honestly be bummed out at first, but I do know that it isn't the end of the world. I will be able to have a baby to put my favorite outfits on again, (if even just for an afternoon since it might be the wrong season) and having a boy is easier, I can do boys (John, Thomas, and Lance) and Lance would probably prefer a boy to play with and Jeff would love another boy and when the boys are older they can share a room and have bunkbeds. And just because Jeff says no more babies, I might be able to convince him otherwise in a few years once he has forgotten how much he hates pregnancy (you would think he was the one carrying the baby sometimes).
The silly thing is, that even once I find out the gender the stress dreams probably won't end, they will morph into labor dreams or something going wrong with Lance or the baby.

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