Friday, September 21, 2007

you never really know what is going on

Right now life isn't exactly how I want it to be or how I envisioned it and it is very easy to get bummed about it, especially when I hear of other people complaining about their situations when they have what I want or their problems aren't nearly as bad as what I am dealing with. I know that someone out there would probably feel the same way about me complaining about not being content with my life because they would love to have what I do, but it is still hard. I know that though we have no financial security I do have a beautiful baby and a husband who loves me which is more than some people have, but I just wish I could have . I look at other people and they seem to have everything and get whatever they desire, but after getting real with a few people this week, I realized that might not be the case with most people. Also, the people that I see that everything or just a lot of some things, they might not be any happier than me. I am very happy with life right now, I love staying home and hanging out with Lance, I love the business, I love my house, it is just that I let the lack of money and lack of control to fix the situation get blown out of proportion. I am terrified that everything is going to get taken away. This week my eyes have been opened to how things aren't always greener, and I am thankful for those people who have opened up and explained what life is like. For those people who are real with me, thanks, you have me how blessed I am, but also you have shown me how things aren't always what they appear because you never really know what is going on. What looks one way on the outside is something very different on the inside. I am queen of believing what I am seeing because I try to be real, not pretend I am something I am not, and I have a hard time with people who put up a front. After my conversations this week, I could easily get envious and wish my situation was different, but I have learned that things aren't always what they first appear. For example, my friend A, looking at her life it seems perfect, she has a gorgeous large house, a husband who financially supports her, she is able to stay at home without major financial downfall, and two great little boys, but sometimes she hates her life. I am shocked to hear that she isn't loving life, but A did have to move away from friends and farther away from family for her husband's job which keeps him away a lot, and staying at home in a unfamiliar town can be very lonely when you don't know many people, not to mention trying to get unpacked when you have two small children who need your attention every moment is close to impossible. I love A, she is an awesome friend and I am envious of her financial security and house and her small woes about paying for clothes when we can barely pay the mortgage, but I am thankful that my husband doesn't have to go away on business every week and I am extremely close to my mom. I admire A so much because I don't know how she does it, it is so stressful moving and not knowing where everything is and not knowing anyone in town, and having no escape from the kids. Hanging out with her helped me realize that though she has some things I don't have, there are some things that I do have, and I am not trying to put her down, but no one really has it all. Another friend, B, she also doesn't have to work and her husband is in another state so she is totally free to do what she wants, he doesn't get on her for talking to her mom, or not getting the house clean when he comes home, but on the other side, she is separated from her husband and they have a whole other set of issues. After looking at life I realize that finances are what I am envious of. I am envious of people who can spend money freely without having to worry will there be enough. I am envious of people whose husbands don't have "real" jobs, but still can pay the bills and have extra money. I am envious of everyone out there who has more than 2.07 in their bank account. So I am totally stressing about our finances because I am trying to get organized with Quicken and trying to figure out how we can be better at tithing, saving, and spending in general and it makes me ill to see our financial situation, so I get frustrated and wish I had someone else's life, but learning what I did this week, I realized I have it relatively easy and I need to be thankful for what I do have and stop whining. I know in my head that God has a plan for me, I just need to get that in my heart. I know that we will make in financially, I just need to trust that it will happen. Looking at our finances, we haven't been as good stewards as I thought we were being and I hope to be able to do better in the future. Well on to a not so serious note: I updated my other posts with pics that went with them and I have lots of pictures for today's post. Lance has been showering with one of us in the morning. This morning Lance

was with daddy and they came up from the bathroom sporting matching towels wrapped

around their waists. Lance's towel is a hand towel and right after the last picture he ripped it off and danced around naked. I can't get over how he looks so much like a boy and less like a baby everyday.

We went to open the store today so Jeff could work a little longer at the his first job and we could receive an early shipment. Lance likes the bike shop next door a lot more than our store, every chance he got he would run next door and play with all of their inventory. He also threw lots of food on the floor for Iris, the dog to eat, she was loving Lance today. Jeff saw a skateboard bench somewhere and decided to make one himself, so here is Lance testing it out:

If you look closely, you notice that his shirt is dark, that would be drool, it is so gross, I can't wait for this to slow up, it is so gross! I wish this cold would improve, he is drooling like crazy, very grumpy, has a yucky nose, isn't eating much, and did I mention grumpy. Oops, I am whining again. Today I win the bad daughter award. My mom was having gum surgery today and I totally forgot. I had planned to be available to take care of her today, but I forgot and was at the shop most of the day. I did run to the grocery and get some soft food for her. I hope to make it up to her tomorrow since I don't have any plans.

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