Sunday, September 04, 2011

1 year ago

Yesterday was a strange day. One year ago, Charles passed away. It seems like such a long time ago, yet not long at all.
It seems like such a long time when I think of all the differences a year makes:
I finished graduate school, well the classes for graduate school, last year I was not even halfway done.
I got a job teaching at the community college.
Lance can really talk now and he can write his name and he is attending Kindergarten at the school Charles was the principal of for twenty-five years, I think it was 25.
Lance can ride a bike without training wheels and is starting to skateboard.
Lily is now a little girl and not a baby anymore, she has so much to say and has so much personality, he would love her even more.
We have moved store locations to downtown and business has picked up.
Gram finally let go and passed on as well, which is sad, but also a relief since she lived everyday in fear and anxiety.
I would want to tell him about seeing a shark at the beach, and the earthquake, he would have loved all the television coverage, and I would love to know what he thought of the budget/debt crisis in Washington, he would have an opinion.
Since he was in a nursing home I can pretend that he is still there and we just haven't gone to see him lately, but when the realization that he isn't there comes back it hurts, I feel hollow. Time doesn't heal wounds, it just puts space between you and the hurt. It has been one year, Charles seems farther away then he did six months ago and as time goes on he will seem further and further away and I just wish I could hold on a little more longer, bring him a little closer. So we have made it one year without him and sadly we will make it many more. We are all doing okay, even my mom, but I wish Charles was still here, though his body was weak, his heart seemed to have so much more living to do. I miss him and I desperately hope he knew how much I loved him.

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