one week

when something suddenly happens time gets divided
for us there is BF, before the fire
life wasn't all roses before, but now, it is like some kind of innocence is lost, we took things for granted, we were naive, we were just like everyone else, now the world seems a bit darker


i still can't believe the shop burned to the ground
this past week we have gone a few times and recovered some things, some clothing, a signed pro skateboard, some old tax returns, a pair of snowboard boots, and some other random stuff which may or may not be salvageable



it has only been a week, but i am ready for the owners of the building to tear it down, so I can get some closure and move on and maybe then i could drive down the road and not get a pit in my stomach
I am ready for our new location to be up and running and then maybe lance would stop saying "dadda all gone," we don't know how much he understands what is going on but he tells his own story of the store with gestures and sound effects, he gestures a large fire, makes siren noise, makes gesture and sound for water being sprayed, and then says "all gone," he also has been hard to deal with and I don't know how much is it just being a 3 year old and how much is his sensing things are a bit weird and we are preoccupied?
we all need to get past this

i am still amazed that a cigarette or match could destroy so much

so there are moments of being totally overwhelmed and moments of hope, it is such a roller coaster ride
this coming week, we will hopefully be enjoying the beach and get some time together to away from all the chaos of life at home, and hopefully we can forget about what is loss
I need to focus on the the future and what we do have
the t-shirt in the picture survived the fire (and doesn't stink like everything else seems to), amazingly,
I hope we too will come out of this mess looking bright and clean, only time will tell, but thanks to lots of prayers and love, I think we can, kind of like the little engine that could