embracing chaos

love thursdays

2012-01-26T14:32:00.000-05:00

I love Thursdays. Thursdays are my favorite day of the week. Thursday are the days that I feel I am a real stay at home mom. I cook, I clean, I play, I don't have no where I have to go, I can just stay at home, I love it. I do though sometimes get a little overwhelmed when I have a lot of things I need to get done and my morning isn't as productive as I hoped. Today is one of those overwhelmed days, I cleaned out a closet, but I also have to do laundry, would like to vacuum and mop the floors, prep dinner, clean the laundry room, ebay some stuff, and online yard sale some others, and spend time with Lily. So Lily is taking a nap so I should get productive so I can check some stuff of my to-do list.

it was like black friday but on a wednesday

2012-01-25T15:44:00.000-05:00

Sadly there is a Food Lion nearby that is closing and as a result the store went on sale today: 50% off and it was insane. I stopped by after volunteering at Lance's school and before class thinking I could just run in and out (about 10 in the morning), but I realized right away that wasn't going to happen. I called Jeff who was at home and asked him to come and over and wait in line and to bring a big tote so I could use it as a shopping cart since carts were not available. As Jeff stood in line I walked around and gathered what I wanted then I left him to go to class, he was an awesome for staying and waiting in line to buy what I wanted. I am extremely thankful, 50% off was just too good of a deal to pass up. I grabbed pull-ups, tums, claritin, juice boxes, batteries, cereal, cascade, freezer bags, and quite a few more, things that I normally buy and are on the expensive side, and most importantly things we use all the time. Jeff was entertained in line, the lady in front of him spent over $500 dollars and he learned that the store required you to pay every $500, but they let her run over a little since she only had a few additional items. There was a couple there who had 5 carts overflowing with items, they told him they stock up on store closing sales and spend several thousands of dollars.
After I left to go to class I called my two friends and told them about the sale because it was such a good deal. Both went, one friend spent about 30 minutes in line and the other spent an hour and half. I stopped by the store on my way home from class to help my friend entertain her daughter while she waited in line since Lily and her were friends, after 30 minutes the line wasn't moving so I took Lily and Ella back to our house. While my friend waited to check out the computer system crashed so the registers stopped working and one register was never able to go back online. The lines were so long that they locked the doors and would not let anyone else in. At one point they started letting people in as others were leaving, if one person left, one got to go in, it was crazy and I was thankful that I had done my shopping in the morning. Then to add to the madness, people followed my friend out to her car to get her cart, one person even loaded her groceries into her vehicle in return for getting her cart, insanity. It is kind of funny what people will do for a good deal. I have to say though that everyone was very polite and friendly, at least when I was there, I think it was getting a little tense when the line to get in started, but it was a much friendlier crowd then Black Friday and the wait was a lot longer. As luck would have it, I have thought of twenty items I wish I would have remembered to look for or buy when I was there, but I doubt anything will be left tomorrow and I certainly don't want to go back today. The sad thing is, that Food Lion had more business today than it probably did in a month.

ten reasons why pinterest isn't just a waste of time

2012-01-24T14:26:00.002-05:00

I, like almost everyone else, is spending lots of time on Pinterest. I just have to say I LOVE Pinterest, really really love it and here's why I love it:

10- It has given me so many good ideas and it is a better method for organizing stuff then I have ever had. For years I have bookmarked articles or pictures I have run across on the web, I have written down recipes, and I have torn out pages out of magazines and put them in a folder or bulletin board, but 9 times out of 10, all these great ideas, recipes, pictures get forgotten, lost, or abandoned, but they don't with Pinterest. I love that I can organize all the cool stuff and have it in one place. I love that I can quickly like something and then check it out later to organize it on a board.

9- I love that I have found a recipe on Pinterest to make Olive Garden like Salad Dressing and it doesn't require raw eggs! I have found several recipes over the years to duplicate the salad dressing but got freaked out by raw eggs. I have also forked over the money for the dressing, but thanks to Pinterest and The Country Cook, I have a recipe that tastes just like it and it so easy and inexpensive to make! I made it last night and I love it, can't wait for salad tonight.

8- I love that I can make a Christmas or gift board for my family. I am supposedly a hard person to get a gift for so I started a board of things I love or want, which is a great way for someone who loves me to see what I would really love to have but probably not going to buy for myself. In fact, my husband bought me a watch for Christmas that I had pinned, unfortunately, it looks better in the picture than it did on my wrist, but that's another story.

7- I love that I have found some great homemade household cleaner recipes. I made and love my homemade laundry detergent and I plan on making dishwasher detergent as well and hand soap eventually. I could go on and on about the laundry detergent, but since I already have a whole post on that, I won't, but I still love my new detergent and it works great.

6- It is a great place to organize ideas or crafts that I've tried and loved and will do again next season, such as the hanging leaf mobile that the kids and I made this past fall, that I can't wait to make again next year. (didn't find this on Pinterest, but I found it and pinned it after reading it in a magazine because I knew I would lose the magazine)

5- I have found lots of freezer meal ideas which I just love and having them all in one place to browse instead of pulling out 4 or 5 cookbooks is so nice. I found and made a chicken tikka masala recipe on Pinterest from What's Cooking Chicago. I am so happy that I found a recipe for one of my favorite meals that is from scratch and fresh and not a sauce from a jar.

4- I have found many ideas on how to re-purpose, remake, or just fix up things I already have which is so good financially and environmentally. I found the other day a pin on how to remove scratches from dishes by using Bar Keepers friend, I haven't done all my plates yet, but it made a HUGE difference and I am so thankful because my plates were looking a bit sad, now they look new.

3- My favorite pin find so far is the directions on how to cook bacon in the oven. I love bacon, but I hate making it because I easily burn it and it requires so much attention in a skillet, but bacon in the oven is PERFECT. I don't like extra crispy bacon and so bacon in the oven is ideal for me, I now am not afraid to try a recipe with bacon in it or I should say I will include bacon in a recipe that calls for it. Bacon in the oven made Christmas morning breakfast a dream because I didn't have to stand over the stove for 25 minutes watching to make sure the bacon didn't burn.

2- I love my dream home board. One day we will move or renovate our house and when that day comes I will have a board with all kinds of ideas which is much neater than a folder full of torn out pages. I also love how I can look easily follow a pin link to more pictures which you can't do with a torn out picture from a magazine.

1- I love Pinterest is FREE. I love magazines, but I don't like paying for a few pages of inspiration but tons of pages of advertising, I love that I can go to Pinterest, see what I want to see from a whole wide range of magazines and blogs in a little bit of time. I can find Martha Stewart crafts, Southern Living decorating, and recipes from a food blogger all in one place, but it doesn't stop there, when I have time I follow the pins to see what other jewels can be found, and there are many. I am inspired again and so thankful for the little things that have made life a bit more fun and a great conversation piece with friends!

For more top ten lists, try:

weekend

2012-01-23T06:34:00.001-05:00

This was a birthday weekend.
Lance was invited to a friend's birthday party. It was at the skating rink that also has an indoor climbing/jungle gym apparatus/contraption as well as an arcade. Lance only knew the birthday boy and at age 5/6 in a huge place like we were in everyone kind of did their own thing, so Lance and I had some time to hang out together minus Lily, it was fun.
We played in the arcade first and I got to teach Lance how to play Skee-ball. After we used up all our tokens we redeemed his tickets for some junk then he played in the indoor whatever then it was time in the party room.
The party room was crazy, it had moving lights on the wall.

the glow party room

The kids had glow bracelets and necklaces, and they had cups that had lights that looked like they could induce seizures.

the glow cup

After pizza, soda, and cupcakes we headed back out and Lance got to try roller skating. I wanted to skate myself to see if I could still do it, but it took all my concentration to keep Lance on his feet so I held him around the rink a few time before calling it quits. We played a little more in the arcade which was kind of lame, most of the games were winning tickets by luck not skill, I say this as though skee-ball requires skill, but it is more than just putting in a token and pulling a handle.
So Lance and I had fun, me being the germ freak would not have chosen to spend the afternoon there, but we went and had fun.

trying out skating

We headed home and had a few hours to rest before our second birthday party, it was my sister birthday. Fortunately, this party was low key and we just enjoyed pizza and cake and the kids helped Amy open her presents.
Yesterday, we "worshipped" at the house of Panera.

a moment of sweetness

We are looking for a church, but it has been difficult and the last couple of weeks we have spent time together as a family. After breakfast and a trip to Target which involved finding some good deals since I visited every sale rack and endcap we headed home.

breakfast

I prepped for lecture today and then we all headed outside to play. We try and play outside everyday, it is easy in the spring and summer, but in the winter I hate it, especially when it is cold. I put on a pair of leggings under my jeans and braved the 36 degrees to play outside. I felt quite energized after being outside, it was the cure to a blah, cold, overcast day. I got all my work done for this week (yay!) and did a little grocery shopping. After fixing dinner, we watched Beauty and the Beast as a family and played with glow sticks.

glow stick and camera fun

So for a cold, snow-free weekend, it was fun and the cold wasn't so bad.

pictures

2012-01-19T11:27:00.002-05:00

I, like many others love instagram. I love that I can change the colors/lighting on a photo. I am no photo snob or professional and don't pretend to be one, some snub instagram, but me, I love how it captures moments of life:

a winter walk

afternoon outside play

watching a show on the ipad

princess lily

a rainy afternoon

my little pack rat

the trees at spy rock

the diva

i have a thing for trees, can't wait for the green leaves to return

the top of spy rock

it's official

2012-01-17T12:51:00.001-05:00

I have a masters degree! I passed my comprehensive exam in November and the semester was over in the middle of December, but they don't grant degrees until January. So it is finally official, I have a masters of science education and I can keep working at the community college!

the top of the world

2012-01-16T07:07:00.001-05:00

Last weekend we took a hike to a place called spy rock.

I didn't want to go, it was cold, I hate being cold and in the winter time everything is very monochromatic and blah.
I went and have to say, I am glad I went, the view was beautiful and the cold wasn't as bad as I feared it would be.

the trees near the top were very unique and I don't know if I would have fully appreciated them if they had been full of leaves.

the view at the top was breathtaking, and well worth the 1.5 hike up.

we even made a friend with a vulture that got a little too close.

I still can't get over the trees, they seemed to striking a pose.

I can't wait to go back in the spring or summer.

Disney

2012-01-15T07:47:00.000-05:00

For over a year now I have been wanting to go to Disney World and go to sooner rather than later. This fall I decided that we were going to try and go in June after everyone was out of school. I guess it was around Thanksgiving when I was thinking about and planning for the spring semester I realized that my spring break at the community college would be the ideal time to go to Disney World, it would not be too hot, it would not be the busiest, and it would be sooner rather than later. I convinced my mom to consider it and then asked my sister and her husband if they would like to go, my sister, thankfully really wanted to go. My sister and her husband found out after Christmas that they could take off to go, so I am in the middle of planning a trip to Disney World for the first week of March. It is kind of stressful because I don't have a lot of time, most people plan a trip 6 months to a year or more before they go, me two months, if even that. It is also hard because we have so many people going, seven, maybe 8 depending if my mom's best friend joins us. It would be cheaper to get separate rooms, but I think it would be nicer to get a Villa where we all could stay. The other advantages to having a villa are the washer/dryer, and kitchen, I am prefer to make my own food instead of eating out all the time so the kitchen would be wonderful. So I have to convince my mom the more expensive Villa is worth it, my one point is, we would all be together in one place and not as separated as we would in 3 different hotel rooms and who knows if we will ever be able to coordinate everyone going again so we should splurge, it has been several years since we have all vacationed together so who knows if we will ever do it again.
Finding a place to stay isn't the only thing I have to figure out, I have to plan our schedule, which fortunately I think I have figured out:
Friday night: drive as far south as we can
Saturday: get to FL
Sunday: Sea World
Monday: Magic Kingdom
Tuesday: day off, hopefully meet up with friends and family who live in FL and we never get to see
Wednesday: Animal Kingdom
Thursday: Magic Kingdom
Friday: head to home
Saturday: get home
Our schedule is not as intensive as many people going to Disney would be, but Lily is only 3 and we want to have fun and not overwhelm her, Disney and Lily seem like it is a bad combination, but I hope she will prove us wrong.
So I have the schedule down, I know where I would like to stay, but I have to do some convincing, then there is the meal plan or not meal plan, the park hopper or not park hopper tickets, character breakfast or not, finding a place to stay near Sea World, and driving route planned, and before I know it, hopefully packing up. Despite being overwhelmed with all of the decisions, I am super excited and can't wait to go.

rhythm

2012-01-14T08:23:00.001-05:00

Winter break is over with and we have found our rhythm. I like schedules and routine and rhythm.
Mondays- everyone school, my long work day
Tuesday- Lily and I off, small group, grocery shopping
Wednesday- everyone school, volunteer at lance's school, pick up living room
Thursday- Lily and I's day of staying at home, bathroom cleaning, laundry, we pick up lance from school and go to the library for the late afternoon
Friday- everyone goes to school, my morning for Target or other errands, homemade pizza night and movie
Saturday- day off, no plans, change the sheets on the beds and any lingering laundry and the fish aquarium cleaning day
Sunday- family day, we usually have a Panera breakfast and do something outside or out-of-town
so now that I have mentioned our routine it is going to get thrown off, until then, I will enjoy my new found rhythm and routine which has helped me to keep up with up with the chores that can get overwhelming, i.e. laundry and meal planning. I would like my routine to get thrown off because of a snow day, though I doubt that it going to happen anytime.
The only change I sometimes change is not grocery shopping on Tuesday but earlier since Tuesdays are senior citizen discount day and the WORST day to go to Kroger.
So life is good and I enjoy our schedule, it works for us. I should note as part of my routine I try and be electronics, mainly phone free from 4-6 pm every day, though there have been slip ups, I have been doing pretty good and come 8 pm I don't even know where my phone is which is good, because I can get sucked into words with friends, pinterest, among many other apps and websites.

crunchy

2012-01-05T11:15:00.002-05:00

I have been so tired of paying a ridiculous amount of money for laundry detergent. I have also been irritated at how hard it is to measure the proper amount of detergent to use, I think they do it on purpose so you use more and have to buy more of it. I am also tired of getting holes in my t-shirts and after a google search I found that a culprit might be an anti-pilling agent in detergents. Then there is the whole environmentally friendly aspect, detergent goes down the drain then into the watershed, I don't really know how good my detergent is. So after a session on Pinterest, I found a recipe for homemade detergent and it seemed easy enough. So yesterday afternoon I grated some ivory soap and stirred and stirred the shavings with some washing soda and borax and wallah! I have my own laundry detergent that uses a very small amount, costs next to nothing, is relatively smell neutral (I don't like strong smelling products), and I think is relatively earth friendly. So far I have done 5 loads of laundry and though most of the laundry hasn't been super dirty, it seems to be working and I am happy with it, especially since total cost was about $8 and it seems like it is going to last A LOT longer than regular detergent.

ready to get back into the swing of things

2012-01-03T15:37:00.001-05:00

So it's Tuesday and the kids have been home on winter break for almost 2.5 weeks, a crazy long time. I have enjoyed spending all day with both kids, but the fighting between them has driven me a bit crazy. I look forward to grocery shopping and errand shopping alone as well as a few morning to myself. I will miss Lance, but hopefully we will have some snow days to enjoy in the near future, fingers crossed. I have learned over the break that I am not cut out for homeschooling and I am thankful that Lance attends school, we just don't work well together and I am not disciplined enough to stay on top of him. Then again, maybe if I was homeschooling him I would not also be teaching so I could more energy into his schooling, but then again, we don't work well together. Tomorrow we start easing back into the busy school schedule, but I like a regular routine and look forward to the structure, I am geek like that.

good-bye 2011

2011-12-31T14:38:00.000-05:00

2011 was a pretty good year, first one in a LONG time. After some rough years I am hoping that we are on the way up and that 2012 will be even better.
2011, the year that. . .
- I finished graduate school!
- I got a job, a class at the community college.
- Lance "graduated" from preschool and started elementary school and is growing and learning so much.
- Lily was potty trained, no more diapers (pull ups at night) and moved from a crib to a bed, the baby phase is gone! I thought I would be sad about this, but I am really enjoying being done with the baby years.
- Jeff moved his business to a new location and got more into recycle bicycles and sales have been better, not as good as they have been, but better.
- I became an apple fan, the year of apple gadgets, I got a macbook pro, then we all got an ipad 2, and then this fall I got an iphone 4s, we are enjoying all our technology, but with it, we are trying to learn to unplug sometimes too.
- my grandmother did pass away this year, five days after her 99th birthday, which is sad, but knowing she isn't afraid anymore is comforting.
- we paid off our car, our Subaru is ours! and I made the last payment of my undergraduate student loans, bad news, I know have to pay off graduate school.
- we got a shed this year and 4 new windows, hopefully the new windows will keep our heating bills down, it has been so mild we haven't been able to tell if there is a difference from the new windows yet.
Did I mention that I got a job? Shortly after having Lance and quit teaching I thought that I might enjoy teaching at the community college, so two years ago I started on my masters and here I am with a soon to be rewarded graduate degree and I am teaching a class, amazing! I am so thankful for the opportunity to teach, earn a little bit of money, and stay at home with the kids.
This year we also got to spend a week at the beach, take a spring break trip to Wilmington, NC, and a weekend trip to D.C. this fall.
It has been a good year and I am sad that it is coming to an end, though next year is looking pretty good too.
We are hoping to go to Disney in March and the beach in July and hopefully a trip to visit family in Michigan sometime over the summer, and having a summer with no graduate school is a bonus.

Though I always break them, I have been thinking about New Year's resolutions or goals and here they are:

1- From 4-6 pm every day be electronics free
2- Get some form of exercise at least 3 days a week (this is easy in spring/summer, hard in winter)
3- Plant a vegetable garden
4- Get debt free and stay that way
5- Paint the house
6- Find affordable health insurance
7- Fence in the backyard
8- Drive my car less and the most fuel efficient that I can
9- Read the entire Bible
10- Start composting and get a rain barrel (for garden)
11- Get up in the morning before the kids
12- Be thankful and content

So good-bye 2011, you were good, Hello 2012, I have big plans for you!

hibernation

2011-12-09T14:22:00.001-05:00

Yesterday as I was standing out at the bus spot it occurred to me that it was the first time in 24 hours that I had set foot outside. The last time I had been outside was exactly 24 hours prior when I went get Lance off the bus. I was shocked that a full 24 hours had gone by without me going outside and that I didn't even notice that I hadn't been out, which is highly unusual for me. Our house is small, 1358 square feet to be exact and it seems to get even smaller during the winter months, yet it is seemed plenty big yesterday. My realization of 24 hours of being inside got me thinking how I tend to hibernate during the winter months. When it is cold outside, I can stay home all day and not go stir crazy. I can't stand to be in the house all day during the spring and summer. I should note: I can stay at home all day, but not stay inside, during the warmer, longer days I can take walks, sit outside, etc. I hate the cold, I really do. I also hate the darkness of winter, I hate how the sun goes down at 5 pm and these dark nights zap my motivation to do anything, especially anything out of my house: everything from going out to dinner to grocery shopping seems hard to do once the sun goes down. I really hate winter, I can't wait for March, 2.5 more months.

i passed!

2011-11-29T13:56:00.001-05:00

Despite being sick with a sinus infection the week leading up to the my comprehensive exam, which lead to me feeling crummy and getting little sleep I passed my comps! So it is official, I have earned a masters of science teaching. I assumed I had passed, I felt confident about two of the four questions on my exam and the other two weren't terrible they just weren't as amazing as the other two. So now grad school is over with and I can't believe it only took 2 years to complete the classes, I had assumed with two kids and life as crazy as mine it would take 5, but it is done so now I can continue to teach at the community college and not just provisionally. So I am done, it feel good to not having to study or work on projects, granted I am working on school work and grading papers, but it isn't as tough, then again, it is isn't everyday like most of my grad classes were. So I am done, ready for the next chapter.

walk don't run

2011-11-27T19:30:00.001-05:00

Why is there not enough time in the day?
I know why. . .
because I run and don't walk.
I was reminded of this last night as I sat in the Paramount and listened to Rob Bell's stories during his Fit to Smash Ice Tour.
I seem to have a short attention span these days, I can barely make it through 1 hour and 45 minutes of church, but last night, Rob Bell's talk that was a hair under 2 hours was too short, I could have stayed all night.
I can't begin to explain how amazing his gift for speaking is and how he can use simple stories, parables really, to reveal the heart of God.
He is very controversial, many people strongly dislike him, especially after his Love Wins book. In fact a few individuals were heckling people who were coming to the event and passing out tracts and trying to convert them, it is sad that how these individuals don't understand love. In contrast, everyone in the theater for the tour was very friendly, polite, it was kind of weird being around so many genuinely friendly, nice people. So it is kind of ironic, if Rob Bell and his followers are "evil" and the hecklers and anti- Rob Bell people are holy, then why were the "evil" ones so much nicer and genuine than the "holy" Christians who think Rob Bell is a false prophet?
I was reminded of so much last night, it was so refreshing and amazing.

Here's what I don't want to forget:
-failure is not final

- control is an illusion

-walk don't run

-a lamp only illuminates the next step
-the sabbath is important it reminds us that we are to be a human being not a human doing and that our worth is not in our doing
- to forgive is to give up the right to revenge, to drop the jawbone
-our greatest fear is that we will be exposed, and that grace frees us to embrace our shadows and that God will embrace us because the poor in spirit are those that don't have it all together
- your job is to be you and not caught up into who we aren't because there will always be someone better, smarter, faster, richer, etc.
-find your gorilla mask, find your one move and just own it
-we don't want to end up before God one day and him say "Why were you not more like _______ (fill in your name)
-there are burning bushes all around
so though it may not make sense to anyone except those who were there, I hope to remember what I learned so it won't go in one ear and out the other

Last night was kind of like a revival, a hipster kind of revival I suppose, but it revived this soul who has been rushing through life who hasn't stopped to see the burning bushes all around.

P.S. because the friends we went with know him we got to meet him, have our picture taken, and talk for a few minutes, very cool!

what a week

2011-11-01T07:02:00.000-04:00

After a week of illness we are all better and hopefully will stay that way for a while. The four days home from school wasn't too bad, but there was way too much movie watching and ipad playing then I would like, but I wanted them to stay rested. Since they have been back to normal (Sunday and Monday, the television has been silent and the ipad mostly unused).
I got totally behind on my keep ahead of the chores and keep the house nice and so the house, isn't a total wreck, but it isn't neat, it is on the messy side of things. So my keeping ahead of the mess worked for about a week and half. Jeff was even on board for a week and it was so nice to have a clean, neat house, but it has succumb to the mess thanks to children being home all day and not feeling well.
It also has gotten cold outside and there were two dreary days that totally zapped my energy to do anything. I realized after two days of temperatures in the 40's, that I hate winter. I hate the cold and I want to move to Florida where you don't need winter coats and there is plenty of sunshine, unfortunately Jeff, a snowboarder isn't up to say good-bye to snow, maybe one day.
In total random news, I got an iphone 4s and it is the best thing ever. I love talking to Siri, I love the camera, I love instagram that makes everything look so much better, I love it, best gadget ever.

so much to post

2011-10-25T20:26:00.000-04:00

so little time.
there is the lily big girl bed.
there is the playroom redo.
our day trip to the cabin.
our day trip to the apple orchard.
and some other ideas that have been brewing, but haven't had the time.
maybe tomorrow, today I have two sick kids and I am recovering from a nasty cold.

the little things

2011-10-16T08:40:00.000-04:00

It's the little things that are easy to do, but also the hardest. The little things as in, the little chores that keep the house clean and neat so you don't have to have a trashed house that requires hours of cleaning. I have noticed a cycle: the house get a little out of control from a day or two of not doing a few things, I get it back in control by cleaning for hours, I vow I will maintain and I maintain for a few days, but then one evening I just don't feel like cleaning the entire kitchen (I just do the dishwasher items) or not folding the laundry as soon as it comes out of the dryer so it sits for a week in a basket, the kids clothes don't get put in the dirty clothes basket, and the list goes on, but the little things don't get done and before I know the house looks like a mess. I realized this week that the simple things don't take very long and don't require a lot of energy and I need to just do them because one load of laundry is a heck of a lot easier to fold and put away then 4 or 5. I can't figure out why though I put off the little things, why I don't remember that little things compound into big things that take a lot of time. So this week I am focusing on taking the five minutes and picking up/cleaning up/folding/whatever and hopefully this will keep the house neater. I think that sometimes I don't do the little things because I get tired of being the only one doing anything so I think I may leave something for Jeff to do, but since he doesn't do the little things or the big things it is a very dumb counter-productive thing to do. So this week I hope to get the little things done and I asked Jeff to do the same, hopefully he will be on board because it will only work with his help, it will keep me from being resentful and irritated. So week 1 of focusing on the little things begins today.

a real adult

2011-10-13T13:57:00.001-04:00

I feel like a real adult now.
I received some inheritance money from my grandmother, it was a nice chunk of change so we invested in our future.
I set up a Virginia 529- an education investment account for the kids college tuition. It is only $5,000, but it is set up to withdraw $50 quarterly starting in January so hopefully we can have some money saved away for their education expenses when the time comes. I also hope that we can add more money than just $50 quarterly too!
I also set up a Roth IRA account, it too is only $5,000 (the max you can put in in a year), but I plan to add additional money into it so we can have money for retirement. We have no money currently for retirement, I had cashed out my Virginia Retirement when I quite teaching since I didn't know if I would return to teaching and it was very little ($2,000), now I wish we had kept it, but at 27, retirement doesn't seem necessary.
And finally we have $15,000 in mutual funds that will hopefully grow in 5-10 years so we can have money for a car or house or what it is needed.
It feels good having money set aside for the future, to have money in case the worst happens.
We also used some money we also used the money pay off our car so both of our vehicles are paid for, it feels good and I hope I won't have a car loan again (or at least one with interest).
I feel like a real adult now, a real responsible adult, a grown up.

so much to say so little time

2011-10-10T07:07:00.000-04:00

I have had many posts floating around in my head, I just haven't stopped to create them.
Today is Monday, I don't have class thanks to fall break, but I have big plans, I want to get this house looking good, every room needs a thorough scrub down, lately I haven't had a lot of motivation and things are picked up, but not scrubbed down, so today is my day. I work best when I start in the morning so today is my day, at least I hope so.

We had a very busy weekend. Saturday we went to a railroad festival and watched the parade associated with it, but I must say the parade had nothing to do with trains or the railroad at all, but the kids had fun, Lance had a theory that if you waved to the people they would throw candy at you, he was kind of right and now we have a large bag as treats for pooping in the potty (sadly both kids earn rewards, but that is a post for another day).

After the parade we did walk around a bit and looked at the Norfolk Southern train exhibit and a model train exhibit then found something to eat. It was quite crowded and at one point poor Lily became a lily pancake when someone walking with a funnel cake ran right into her and knocked her to the ground. After lunch we headed home for rest time. As luck would have it, Lily fell asleep in the car, but woke up shortly after returning thanks to lance yelling, he then fell asleep and Lily was awake the rest of the afternoon, I would have loved for both of them to have napped, I could have gotten a lot done, oh well.

Sunday was another beautiful warm day so we went to church, had lunch at Panera, and then headed out to Layman's Family Farm. We walked through the entire corn maze.

We got a little confused/ lost only once.

After walking in circles for a few minutes we found the scarecrow we were looking for.

The kids got to jump on the jumping pillow/blob, and we all took a turn on the cow train/dust train.

The kids stopped for a swing.

And we took a hayride down to the pumpkin patch, it was a lot of fun and I am so thankful the weather was perfect. One the way home we stopped at an outdoor skatepark, Jeff enjoyed the park, I enjoyed a book in the car while the kids napped, a nice pit stop before home. So by last night we were all exhausted, but we enjoyed the last bit of our Indian summer.

the longest post ever- DC edition

2011-09-28T16:38:00.002-04:00

Friday afternoon we packed up the car and headed up to D.C. for the weekend. We had plans to go to the Natural History Museum, the Solar Decathlon, Tysons Corner, and the new Air and Space Museum. We arrived at my aunt and uncles house way after the kids bedtime so we basically went straight to bed after arrival. The next morning we got up, got ready, and took the metro downtown.

(waiting for the metro)

The metro was packed due to the National Book Festival, a Nickelodeon Festival, the Solar Decathlon, as well as scheduled maintenance. Supposedly trains were entering the city every 20 minutes. Our metro stop was the third stop from the beginning and was crowded when we got on. At each stop more and more people tried to cram in, we were packed in there like sardines, I don't know how city dwellers handle the crowds on a daily basis. We got the National Mall and took a shuttle to the Solar Decathlon.

(the first house we toured)

We went through a couple of the solar houses before it started to get crowded and the kids, well Lily got bored with the houses. It is evident from touring these houses that that students create these because several of the houses were just impractical for real living, especially with a child (or two). There were some really good ideas and I was impressed with Purdue University's house, it was the only one we toured that actually looked livable. Several of the houses had beds that would fold down and one even had an office table/workspace that would fold out into a bed, though a great idea, not very practical. It is hard enough to make the bed every day, I can't imagine making it and folding it up too. I tried to convince Jeff to continue to tour the houses while we entertained the kids with something else, but he didn't listen so we all walked through the FDR memorial.

(Lily and the FDR memorial, she was a little hesitant to approach the dog)

The FDR memorial was beautiful and HUGE! I thought it was only one waterfall and statue area, but then it kept going and going (4 areas, 1 for each term). Though I don't know that much about history and I have a lot of respect for FDR, he is one of my favorite presidents.

(walking along the Tidal Basin)

We walked along the Tidal Basin from FDR to the new Martin Luther King memorial. The MLK memorial is quite impressive. If I remember correctly he is looking towards the Lincoln Memorial where he made history.

(Martin Luther King from the side)

I don't know how they carved the statue or memorial, but I was amazed by how detailed the carving was, the veins on his hands were visible, it was quite impressive.

(in front of the closed Washington Memorial, it has been closed due to damage from the earthquake)

After the MLK memorial we walked back over to the National Mall. We looked for the supposed large crack in the memorial caused by the earthquake, there was one, I just don't know if it was there from the earthquake or just from time. We passed the White House and the WWII memorial on the way. By the time we made it to the Natural History Museum we were starving so we grabbed lunch in the museum, big mistake. The cafe in the museum was extremely crowded and the food was ridiculously expensive. For five us to eat it cost $43 and we only got 2 sandwiches, 1 chicken tenders, 3 drinks, and a cup of fries. I do have to admit the sandwich was good, but I don't know about $10 good. We toured Natural History Museum while my mother went to the National Book Festival. When Jeff and I were exhausted we headed out to the Festival and went to the PBS kids tent to get our picture taken with the Cat in the Hat.

(Lance and I with the Cat in the Hat)

We headed back to the house for a rest and then went to Tysons Corner for dinner and a little shopping. We didn't do much shopping since the kids were worn out, but we did hit up the Lego store (Lance's pick) and the American Girl store (Lily's). I love the Lego store especially there $8 tub of Legos that you can pick out, brilliant! Lily loved the American Girl store, but she pitched the biggest temper tantrum of her life when we tried to leave and she realized she had to leave the doll and the stroller she was pushing around behind, it was quite embarrassing. Within five minutes of being belted in the car, the kids were asleep so we decided to drive back downtown and see all the monuments at night. Washington at night is so beautiful. I don't want to think about how much energy is wasted on lighting up the monuments and capital, but it is pretty nonetheless.

(the Capital at night, the side facing the National Mall)

It is funny to look at the pictures I took especially the ones at night because the sky looks black, back at my aunt and uncle's house the sky doesn't look black, it was kind of orange and grey, you could see the light shining from the city. I didn't realize until then how bright the city is at night, once again I was appreciate of our little city where it gets dark and you can see stars.

(A little monument in Arlington with the Big Monument in the distance, near the top of cemetery)

Sunday morning we got up and decided to go to Arlington National Cemetery. We chose Arlington because we were a little tired of all the crowds and figured that no one would be at a cemetery on a Sunday morning, well we were wrong. When we arrived there were masses of people headed in and there were many tour buses parked as well. We headed into the cemetery with all the crowds and learned that there was a Peace Corp rally going on in the cemetery and that is why it was so packed. Who would have thought.

(Arlington National Cemetery, as far as I could see there were thousands of graves)

We walked all the way up to Robert E. Lee's house and stopped at the Kennedy's grave, we then headed over to the Tomb of the Unknown. Arlington is a beautiful place with amazing views of Washington. It was also very peaceful. I was blown away by how the shear number of graves, At one point I looked to my left and for as far as I could see there were just rows and rows of graves of men and women who served in our military, I was blown away.

(Tomb of the Unknown)

We stopped by the Tomb of the Unknowns. There are sign posted throughout the cemetery that say please to be quiet and respectful for this is hallowed ground, the Tomb of the Unknowns was definitely hallowed ground. It seems like now respect is something that our culture has lost and seeing the respect and tradition continue is indescribable. Having someone guarding the tomb 24 hours a day through all kinds of weather and having to do the same montomous routine constantly shows so much respect. Even Lance who doesn't understand hallow ground was quiet and seemed to know that this area was special. After walking all the way and then back down Arlington we headed out to Dulles for the new Air and Space Museum.

(the new Air and Space Museum at Dulles)

(Jeff watching a plane coming in for a landing from high up in the observation tower)

I could watch the airplanes take off and land all day, I think I am just amazed that these huge, heavy vehicles can fly in the air. I loved the observation tower and watching the planes land, being eye level with these huge planes that are coming in from all over the world is just amazing. I am drawn to airports and airplanes, not sure why, I just am. After watching planes land we headed down and admired the variety of airplanes on exhibit at the museum. We saw the Enola Gay (the plane that dropped the first atomic bomb), the space shuttle Endeavor (it was a lot shorter, but taller than I expected, as well as the Concorde (it had the smallest windows).

It was an extremely busy weekend and though I would like to do it again, just not anytime soon, I am still tired.

it's either going to be really good or

2011-09-22T06:37:00.001-04:00

really bad.

We have made plans to go to D.C. for the weekend. I am kind of looking forward to it, and kind of not. I like to travel and do things, but I do not like getting out of our routine and dealing with overly tired and stimulated grumpy children. We are going up to see the Solar Decathlon that opens on Saturday, we stumbled upon it a few years ago when they were building the houses and vowed we would come back during an exhibition period so we could REALLY see the houses. We also might hit up the zoo or the natural history museum, we haven't quite decided yet, either one will be fun, a lot depends on the crowds and weather. This weekend is the National Book Festival so the National Mall might be a madhouse that we want to avoid. I am looking forward to getting away and doing something fun and I hope and pray we have a great weekend. With school for everyone life has been busy and getting away is a fun adventure to break up the dull. Jeff and Lance are disappointed we aren't staying in a hotel, but why stay in one room when we can stay with my aunt and uncle and have the upper floor of their house? Though the possible attached metro stop and cable tv of a hotel sounds pretty nice, having to be in one room and having to find food for every meal is not (my aunt and uncle live down the street from an Einstein bros. bagel and our faithful standby, Panera). I am the planner and it is hard trying not to plan every minute of this trip because I don't want to be disappointed if we don't get it all done and I want to enjoy the moment and not be focusing on what's next (what I have a tendency to do). So today will be laundry and cleaning and packing since I can't bear to leave a messy house and we are heading out tomorrow after school. I don't realize how much of a homebody I am until it is time to go away and I kind of don't want to go, but I have a stronger desire to not be someone who never goes anywhere and this desire will help me to pack up my bags and leave. So though this trip could be really good or really bad, it might just be alright and that's why we are heading out, because why stay at home and do nothing when you can go ride a "train" aka the metro?

nervous eye twitch

2011-09-20T07:18:00.003-04:00

I have been up for two hours now and I am a bit nervous, so much so I think I could develop an eye twitch. This morning I have an appointment to see if I am a candidate for corrective eye surgery, Lasik. I am terrified. Even though I have shoved a hard piece of plastic into each eye for the last 20 years the thought of eye surgery makes me queasy, I have a hard time putting in eye drops. For years I prayed that one day I would wake up and would be able to see, so just maybe this is the answer to my prayers. I have wanted eye surgery for years, but I have been too terrified, but I decided it is now or never and I have an initial evaluation today. If I pass the tests then I will have to go without my contacts for six weeks. Six weeks, that is a long time and it is going to be rough and after several weeks it will be no going back since the callous on my eye will go away and wearing contacts will be unbearable. The thought of being able to open my eyes in the middle of the night and being able to see, or to open my eyes underwater, or to be able to see clearly at night seems like a miracle, and I think worth the fighting the fear. I have had glasses since I was four years old, so basically I haven't been able to see most of my life and not having glasses or contacts is a totally new concept for me. I really want to get this done and hope that I can get past my eye issues, but I also hope that I am even a candidate. So this morning will be my first test, they are going to numb my eyes and test to see how thick my cornea is, the thought makes me want to close my eyes, but I have to fight against instinct. So here's goes nothing.

Afternoon update:
So it looks like no surgery for me. I was really upset this morning, but I am getting over it now. My eyes really are that bad. That really doesn't explain it, my eyes are really bad and my cornea (the part they alter in surgery) are thin, but actually they are just not thick enough to do enough correction. I am a candidate for surgery, but it will not improve my eyesight enough to be able to go without correction. I would still need contacts and glasses to see, my prescription would not be as strong, but I would still have to have something to drive and live life clearly. One of the things that kind of set me off was, the doctor said that my eyesight would be good enough for around the house.
Around the house, that is real helpful since I am never home and I can technically get by around my house without glasses or contacts now since it is my house and I could get around blindfolded, but that is just me being silly. Besides why would I endure one the worst things I can think of (having someone cut my eye) for better vision, but nothing close to perfect vision. Best case scenario they could correct me to 20/40, but even that is best case scenario and may not happen. So I am extremely disappointed, more so than I thought, I guess because it just brings up all the self consciousness I have had about my eyesight that I have had for most of my life. I have always hated glasses and having to wear contacts. I have always hated how thick the lens of my glasses are (even when they are as thin as they can) and how my glasses make my eyes look microscopic. So unless the technology improves am stuck with the glasses and contacts.
It is hard not to fall into into the "why can't something be easy for me" mindset and to focus on the positives, I have a job, a husband, two beautiful kids, a house, a nice car, and many other good things.

not what I expected

2011-09-19T14:21:00.006-04:00

I dropped Lance and Lily off at school this morning and then I headed over the community college to get a few things done before class since I wasn't fully prepared for lecture and I needed to photocopy some things as well. I began to think about how this summer I was looking forward to the extra time I was going to have in the morning while the kids were in school and about all the things I could get done around the house. I never imagined that I would be working. So instead of being at home Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings getting things done, maybe crafting, maybe cleaning and organizing, maybe cooking, I am off to work. I am still in shock by how quickly this job came about. Though my class isn't till 11 and I do not technically have to leave the house until 10:20, maybe 10:30, I always leave sooner since an hour and half doesn't give a lot of project time. I had been looking forward to my mornings alone for months prior to school starting, but I am not though disappointed. Even though this teaching job has had a rocky start, I like going and being around people and having something to do. I like having school work and studying, I enjoy having to use my brain. As a result of working, I appreciate the time I have with the kids more, especially Lily and I's two morning together. I also appreciate the weekends more because they mean so much more now. This winter I hope to appreciate snow days more as well. I am also excited that I am once again regularly contributing financially to our family especially since my other job is not regular or I should say has not been this year (I was super busy last year, but this year there has been very little). So overall life is crazy and busier than ever, but it is good, and I am so thankful.

true story

2011-09-18T07:04:00.002-04:00

Friday night I was at my mother's house helping her prepare for her yard sale. My mom and the kids had left to go grab some fast food for dinner so I had a few things I needed to get done while they were out so I was working as quickly as possible. I finished the signs and I needed to superglue a knob onto a dresser. I had a new bottle of superglue and I kept trying to open it but was having problems. When I finally got it open it spilled out onto my hands. I thought it was just two fingers on my left hand so I figured no big deal and went downstairs to glue the knob to the dresser. I glued the knob down and then realized I also had superglue on my right hand. Superglue had poured out of the bottle and I had superglued three fingers to the bottle. Fortunately I had remembered from something I had seen on TV that acetone and ran to find some. It was difficult opening my mother's bedroom door and cabinet with one completely nonworking hand (right hand was glued to superglue bottle) and one had which had two fingers superglued together, but I managed to find the acetone without gluing myself to anything else and headed downstairs. I poured the acetone in a small plastic container and soaked my one hand in until my fingers came free. I felt confident that my other hand would be free just as easily, but pride comes before the fall. I did not put the cap back on the superglue so when I put my hand in the acetone, the superglue in the bottle reacted with the acetone and my fingers did not come free. I dipped a paper towel in fresh acetone and began working to free my fingers. It took a lot longer to get the bottle and my fingers unstuck, I was almost near panic that I was stuck forever glued, but it finally came free. My family did get a good laugh because they returned to see me trying to get the bottle off of my fingers, in hindsight I wish I would have taken a picture so I could remember my lesson to take my time. I was in such a rush to get it done, but in the end it took longer to do then if I would have just been slow and methodical to begin with. So yesterday I was sticking picking glue on my hands, and I had quite an exfoliating shower because the glue on my hands were quite rough when I was washing my face. The good news is the glue worked on the dresser and everything cleaned up in the end.
My facebook status Friday night: 'bottle of acetone $0.99, bottle of superglue $1.99, staying calm after superglueing my fingers to the bottle, priceless." so it wasn't entirely true since I did have a small moment of panic, but I did know what to do right after it happened and hopefully I won't do that again.

in the moment

2011-09-14T07:36:00.000-04:00

Monday night we were watching some old videos of Lily as a baby and Lance as a 2 year old and I was saddened by how quickly they grow up, but actually I was more shocked by how much I had forgotten. I had forgotten how Lily did a crab scoot and never really crawled in the traditional on all four sense. I had forgotten how not only did Lance not talk, he didn't even try. I forgot how darn cute Lily was (she still is, but she was baby cute with no hair and round cheeks) and how chubby she was, she is skinny mini now.
Monday, I spent way too much time trying to update quicken and on most days I am guilty of cleaning the house, working on school work or work, and other stuff and not in the moment with my kids. I skimmed a blog post that someone posted about homeschooling blind spots and I was challenged to make sure that I am in the moment with my children. It is kind of ironic that a homeschooling article would challenge me, but it did. It reminded me what was important and what to focus on. I tried yesterday and it wasn't always easy, the living room was messy and was calling to me, but we played Frisbee, the kitchen needed cleaning, but Lily and I took her baby for a walk, yesterday I struggled, but succeed, but it is a new challenge every day and hopefully I won't forget and can continue to be in the moment and cultivate a loving relationship with my children and not just the their driver and possibly dictator (of bedtime and schedules).

riding the bus made the afternoon so much

2011-09-07T16:47:00.002-04:00

BETTER!
No stress of carpool line breakers and other carpool line frustrations that occur in the 15-20 minutes of carpool.
No waking up of Lily.
Life is good.
Now I just have to convince him to ride the bus tomorrow.

a long bus ride

2011-09-06T20:58:00.001-04:00

I feel like a terrible parent because Lance is going to ride the bus home from school. I feel terrible because it is a 30 minutes bus ride though it is only a 5-8 minute car ride.
I feel like a terrible parent, but then I feel terrible picking him up to.
Pros for riding the bus
-lily can take a long of a nap as she wants, i won't have to wake her up to go pick up lance and since she will have a long day at preschool this will be crucial for the rest of the afternoon
-it save my gas and time, I don't have to make an extra trip and wait in the carpool line, it is a 30 minute bus ride, it is 20 minutes of my time to drive over, wait in line, and drive home
-isn't it better for the environment, the bus is already going so why use my car
-it is better for my mental health, I am a bit fed up with parents behaving badly in carpool line, cutting in line, parking their car and holding up the line, etc.

Cons for riding the bus
-his bus is one of the last ones to arrive at school
-it is a 20-30 minute bus ride, we usually get home 15-20 minutes before the bus gets to our house
-he's my innocent sweet baby and there might be mean 5th graders and I am not there to protect him from mean children or from feeling afraid, this will be his first bus ride
-did i mention it was a long bus ride

Really the pros out weigh the cons especially since I will be picking Lily up from preschool between 1 and 1:30 which puts her down for nap around 2 which may not be enough time for rest if I have to get her up at 3:20 to go get Lance.

The thing I don't understand is why I feel so horrible about having him ride the bus. He might actually like it. Why do I feel like a bad mother? Well we are going to try it tomorrow, I hope that he likes it, it would make life a bit easier some days, especially Wednesdays.

Labor Day

2011-09-05T06:14:00.003-04:00

Labor Day, the unofficial last day of summer.
One of the more depressing days of the year.
I prefer Memorial Day, with the promise of summer, of new beginnings, with the daylight still increasing, with temperatures increasing, with vacations to countdown to, and things to look forward to.
Even though this summer was non-existent and far from spectacular, I still enjoyed it.
Summer seemed to fly by, but I guess that is what happens when you are in school every day for 7 weeks then vacation for one then back to work two weeks after that.
Even with Gram's passing and quite a few colds and illness, it wasn't horrible, I guess I just deal with things better when I can go lay in the sun at the pool.
Our house feels bigger in the summertime not all closed in and claustrophobic.
It is easier to get up in the morning since it isn't freezing cold and I prefer wearing less than more any day.

And then there is the beach, I love the beach and it just isn't the same when it is in the upper 70's compared to the upper 80's.

There are fun things to do in the fall and things I am looking forward to, I am just going to miss warm summer nights catching lightning bugs when it stays light until almost 8. I dread the days when darkness comes at 5

Looking back this summer, well at least August unlike a lot of the country was not very HOT, we didn't get a lot of pool use these last couple of weeks because it just wasn't hot enough.

But it is nice to be able to go outside with jackets and accessories.
And now that we are in the routine of school, life seems complicated, I miss summer already.
It doesn't help that this week the first week of unofficial fall will have highs in the upper 60's and lower 70's and be rainy so we will be banished to the house, but hopefully summer temperatures will return so we can have a proper goodbye.
I curse myself for complaining about the humidity yesterday, it was very warm and humid and come January 15th, I will long for that weather again.
So today we say good-bye to beach vacations, the pool, mosquitoes and gnats (yay!), playing outside until 8pm in the light, catching lightning bugs, weeknight adventures, the splashground/spraypark, hot and humid weather, warm early mornings spent on the porch, ceiling fans, the smell of rain and fresh cut grass, green leaves on the trees that provide much needed shade, fresh produce from the market, the constant roar of cicadas, and all the little things I take for granted, but miss terribly when they are gone.
I will look forward to pumpkins, apples, Halloween, hikes in the mountains with leaves of various shades, but I will look forward to next Memorial Day with the promise of an amazing summer ahead.
As I sit here on my porch, I am trying to take it all in so come February when I feel trapped inside I can have something to look forward. I can try and remember the purple and pink sky from the sun rising giving everything a pinkish tint (I have a hard time getting up early in the winter so I don't often see the sunrise like I do in summer). I want to remember the sound of the birds chatting in the trees and the cicadas droning on and on. The sound of distant cars driving pass by our neighborhood and occasionally down our street, it sounds different in the now then it will in a couple of hours when cars will be constantly coming and going. I will try and remember how the humid air seems thick, like you could swim or float through it and how the coolness is passing, not lingering all day.
Good-bye summer, don't stay gone forever.

1 year ago

2011-09-04T07:01:00.003-04:00

Yesterday was a strange day. One year ago, Charles passed away. It seems like such a long time ago, yet not long at all.
It seems like such a long time when I think of all the differences a year makes:
I finished graduate school, well the classes for graduate school, last year I was not even halfway done.
I got a job teaching at the community college.
Lance can really talk now and he can write his name and he is attending Kindergarten at the school Charles was the principal of for twenty-five years, I think it was 25.
Lance can ride a bike without training wheels and is starting to skateboard.
Lily is now a little girl and not a baby anymore, she has so much to say and has so much personality, he would love her even more.
We have moved store locations to downtown and business has picked up.
Gram finally let go and passed on as well, which is sad, but also a relief since she lived everyday in fear and anxiety.
I would want to tell him about seeing a shark at the beach, and the earthquake, he would have loved all the television coverage, and I would love to know what he thought of the budget/debt crisis in Washington, he would have an opinion.
Since he was in a nursing home I can pretend that he is still there and we just haven't gone to see him lately, but when the realization that he isn't there comes back it hurts, I feel hollow. Time doesn't heal wounds, it just puts space between you and the hurt. It has been one year, Charles seems farther away then he did six months ago and as time goes on he will seem further and further away and I just wish I could hold on a little more longer, bring him a little closer. So we have made it one year without him and sadly we will make it many more. We are all doing okay, even my mom, but I wish Charles was still here, though his body was weak, his heart seemed to have so much more living to do. I miss him and I desperately hope he knew how much I loved him.

mommy guilt

2011-09-01T14:06:00.002-04:00

This morning, my one of two mornings during with the week with just Lily I spent organizing paperwork.
Not the best idea, but in the afternoon I get so sleepy and tired, NOT that I am napping, but my motivation is gone and I REALLY needed to get this done, so while Lily played quietly by herself I organized paperwork.
I feel so much better now that things have been organized and I know what bills need to be paid when, but I feel guilty for not hanging out with Lily for an hour this morning.
Which reminds me.
I feel guilty for putting Lily in 3 day a week preschool.
I feel guilty for working.
I feel guilty for not always being fully engaged because I was studying or cleaning or others things that are not really important like email.
Mommy guilt, hate it, but I don't know how to fix things.
I have to work to pay bills and I like it. So then I feel guilty because I like working. I feel guilty that staying at home with her every day is not enough.
I could go on, but then I just might feel worse.
Did my mom or grandmother have mommy guilt or is it just the current societal pressure?

after a full week

2011-08-30T14:24:00.003-04:00

of Kindergarten, I still feel a bit lost with just Lily and no Lance.
The afternoons are quieter and I am not nearly as productive, which is weird because I don't have Lance constantly at me.
So we have made it through 6 days of school.
Watching Lance walk down the stairs and into school every morning pulls at my heart, I think it would be easier if he rode the bus, I think.
Though I am enjoying my time with just Lily or by myself, and I am happy that Lance is enjoying school, I am sad that we have started school, he will be in school for the next 13 years, that is a long time.
It is crazy to think that a month ago we were headed down to the beach, I had just finished graduate school and the kids had just finished up a week at preschool summer camp. Kindergarten and preschool were on the horizon and I had no clue what I was going to do with my "extra" time. I had no clue that I would get a teaching job and once again juggling it all, I thought once graduate school was done I would have a couple of months to a year before I would start back at work.
Teaching has been interesting. The students are very subdued and it makes it tough because I don't know whether they are completely lost, completely bored, or a combination of both. Also, everything that I try and plan seems to go down in flames. For example, on Monday I prepared a PowerPoint presentation to review the chapter we had almost finished. I got to class tried to turn on the projector and the projector was dead, I ended up having to switch to lecturing with the chalkboard, my graphics couldn't compare to what was on my presentation. I just hope that everything is fixed for tomorrow because organic molecules and just a chalkboard is going to me a long class period of drawing lots of C's, H's, and O's.

one week of Kindergarten

2011-08-26T14:30:00.003-04:00

and one week of class.
One week down, many more to come.
This week has been a crazy week. Lance started school, I went back to teaching, we had an earthquake, we felt aftershocks, we had a bad storm that knocked out our power for several hours, and now there is a hurricane approaching the coast, we are fortunately inland enough to not be impacted by the storm, well as long as it continues the way they expect.
What is kind of ironic is how taking Lance to school is getting harder and not necessarily easier.
I guess dropping him off and watching him walk down the stairs and down the sidewalk all by himself is a daily reminder that he is growing up and getting older. He heads down and doesn't look back at all, which makes me kind of sad, I guess I kind of feel as though he has already forgotten about me. I still am still in a bit of shock that my baby is a big boy going to school all day every day. Even though he drove me a little crazy and I could not always get things done in the afternoon, I miss my little buddy. I miss our afternoons that we had alone together, I need to figure out a way for us to do things just the two of us on the weekends because I miss our mornings that we use to spend just the two of us.
So we have survived a week, one more week left of summer vacation for Lily and then we will hopefully be finding out groove and schedule.It is amazing how life changes so quickly, two weeks ago I was wondering what in the heck I was going to do on my free mornings, my free mornings are non-existent now, but it is all good. I am just in awe how time flies whether or not you are having fun.

the first time was a novelty

2011-08-25T14:27:00.003-04:00

but when an earthquake wakes me up at 1 am, I am over it.
I know that earthquakes are common, regular occurrences in other parts of the world, but they don't happen here, well they didn't before Tuesday.
So the big question around here in the last few days is, did you feel the earthquake and what did you think it was?
Well I felt it and I thought my house was about to explode.
I was upstairs working on schoolwork and the house started to shake and I heard a loud rumbling. My first thought was that the washing machine was off balance so I ran downstairs to stop it before it woke up Lily. By the time I got to the bottom of the steps, I realized that I wasn't doing laundry. My next thought was that the hot water heater or the furnace underneath the house was about to explode. While pondering what the heck was going on, mere seconds, Lily woke up and I ran into her room to get her. It was really loud in her room due to her old windows with storm windows were rattling like crazy. I took Lily into the living room and I tried to figure out whether it was just our house shaking or the whole world.
As soon at is stopped I called Jeff, he didn't answer so I called back, and I finally got him after the third attempt. I planned to ask him if the whole world was shaking or just our house, but by the third attempt I realized that it was all around, not just our house. Jeff and I both discovered on facebook that everyone was posting about the earthquake and I was a bit terrified to find friends in Wilmington, NC, Charlotte, NC, Washington D.C., and all over the East Coast was posting about the earthquake. For a minute or two I thought it was the end of the world, I didn't know that an earthquake could be felt by such a large area. I also did realize how LOUD earthquakes were, it was so strange and surreal.
Supposedly there have been additional smaller aftershocks since the big one, but I hadn't felt any until last night.
I went to bed at 10:30, woke up briefly when Jeff came to bed, and then was startled awake at 1 am when the house was shaking. This incident was not as long as the first earthquake, unless I slept through it, and it wasn't as loud as the the first one, but it was still scary. So the novelty of earthquakes is gone.
Supposedly this earthquake is a once-in-a-lifetime event and though it is really scary and I say I don't want to experience it again, I kind of do, in the daytime though. Now every time I hear the rumble of a big truck or plane I pause thinking it is another earthquake. I never thought that I would experience an earthquake in Virginia of all places, especially with an approaching hurricane, maybe it really is the end of the world, or maybe not.

3 years ago today

2011-08-18T17:18:00.001-04:00

about now a baby girl was born
and life has never been the same since.
Happy Birthday Lilybean!

hi ho! hi ho! it's back to work I go

2011-08-17T17:01:00.002-04:00

life is so chaotic, only I would get hired to teach 5 days before classes start with no orientation or planning time.
So I finished my application for the community college last week. I got a call yesterday asking when I could start. I explained that I had completed the coursework for my masters just not completed my comprehensive exams, I was told that they would check with HR and call me back. I was not expecting a call back. I got a call back and got a meeting for this afternoon, which I assumed was a job interview.
I was so excited, a possible start teaching at the community college, what I really want to do.
I quickly learned at the meeting/interview that I was basically already hired, I had the classes, I had the experience, we just had to figure out what could work in my schedule.
So we figured something out and I start on Monday.
I am so excited, but yet terrified.
By Monday I have to get materials, read the textbook (that I don't have), plan lectures, make a syllabus, and figure out what in the heck I am doing.
Everything is happening so quickly.
I don't even know where my classroom is or how to long into the programs to check roster or how to copy anything, I know nothing.
This is similar to how I began my first teaching job, just thrown in with no experience and I quickly learned to keep from drowning, barely.
So I am in complete shock that I will be really starting a job on Monday.
and everything is so perfect.
The class is from 11 to 11:50 MWF, so Lily will be in school, so I won't be missing out on her time. I am going to be able to stay at home, yet go back to work.
Now the pay is probably nothing since it is only 1 class, but my foot is in the door, and it is something.
So come Monday, both Lance and I are starting school, I can't believe it.

grocery rants

2011-08-16T10:13:00.002-04:00

So today is grocery day. So as I sit and plan my meals for what is left of the week and figure out what I have and don't have I am reminded by latest grocery pet peeve. I should start off by saying I am no extreme couponer, but I do love store coupons and in the past I would combine them with manufacture coupons and would save quite a bit, but I was dismayed last week when I discovered that Kroger will no longer allow store coupons to be combined with manufacture coupons. Bummer, big bummer! If I would have known this I would have gone to Walmart. When I got home from the store I compared an old store coupon with a new store coupon and sure enough there is a new little line on the back of the coupon that states only one coupon per item, or something like that, basically cannot be combined, bummer!
Which leads me to my next rant: why is it that grocery store shopping has to be so darn complicated? I just want to go to one store and get everything I need.
Walmart is cheaper, especially when you take the time to price match, but I prefer the deli of Kroger and they don't always carry certain products or they do, but not consistently. Kroger is nicer than Walmart, but more expensive unless it is on sale and/or with a coupon, but they do have a gas discount for shopping there which has come in handy especially in times of high gas prices. Food Lion, well I am not familiar with the store set-up and they always are so slow, but they do have a certain products the other two don't carry. On some weeks I end up having to go to three different grocery stores, Walmart for the bulk of what I need, Kroger for the sale/coupon items if I can't price match, and Food Lion for a type of bread and a salad dressing that my kids use instead of ketchup, silly, just silly. So bottom line I am disappointed that Kroger no longer allows me to use a manufacture and a store coupon for an item and as a result I will be do most of my shopping back at Walmart.

birthday weekend

2011-08-14T21:05:00.003-04:00

So we kicked off our family birthday week with Jeff's birthday. We went to a local pizza place for dinner:
we found tiramusi at the grocery for a cake:

and cupcakes for the kids, since they aren't a fan of coffee and since we thought that if each kid had their own candle to blow out that Jeff could blow out his own candles, but we were wrong.

As soon as we finished singing happy birthday Lance leaned over and blew out Jeff's candles despite me yelling "NO" when I realized what he was about to do. We continued the celebration on Sunday by driving to a nearby ski resort and hiking around on their nature trails. The views were incredible:

We did have a bit of a scare. We took a trail down to an overlook and then took a perimeter trail around in hopes of connecting to another trail to make a loop. The initial trail had other hikers on it, but the perimeter trail was deserted and was a little creepy especially since the trail map mentioned that several trails were prime bobcat habitat and to beware of bears. At some point on our journey I noticed there was what I suspected, bobcat scat (poop) which put me a little on edge. Then we got quite a scare, so much so that both Jeff and I got goose bumps. The perimeter trail runs below a mountain ridge and at one point we came up on a turkey vulture and scared it so it left its roost to fly away. We heard the flap of the wings and the movement up ahead of us and though I can't describe it, it scared us, we thought it was a bear or bobcat. Jeff and I both started making a lot of noise in hopes of scaring it away and the kids of course started screaming and crying. I guess what made it scary was we were enclosed in thick brush, well actually rhododendron shrubs, so we really couldn't see our surroundings at the time and heard something very large move right in front of us. After the incident we were ready to get off the trail that seemed endless. We did something stupid in normal situations, we left the trail once we got out of the thick brush, and headed up to the top of the mountain. Normally this isn't smart, but since we knew all the houses of the resort and roads were above us we knew that the only way to get back to the car was up. Despite not seeing any houses when we decided to start out on our own we spotted some right away and walked back to the car. Turns out we were almost to the trail that would have taken us back to the car if we just would have kept going, but we were too freaked out and tired by that point, it was starting to look like it might rain or storm.

We got back to the car and drove to a city nearby and had dinner at Chipotle and went shopping at an outdoor store. We then headed home and just missed two severe thunderstorms and got home just as it was starting to rain.
So we had yet another breath-taking animal encounter, fortunately this time though we weren't in any real danger.
So despite being terrified and feeling lost, we had fun, I am so thankful that the kids are old enough to go hiking and enjoy being outside adventure, I am looking forward to even more adventures to come.

organizing

2011-08-13T06:56:00.003-04:00

So this week I have finally been able to do all the things I have been wanting to do all summer but could not since I was in class and studying most of the day.
I have cleaned out the upstairs closet that was PACKED full of stuff and reorganized.
I have cleaned off the shelf in the laundry room which is always a mess and now thanks to my new desk it is empty!
Lance and I reorganized his "homework" area.
I organized the cabinet above the shelf in the laundry room and homework and it is mostly empty.
I also went through the rubbermaid bins in the attic spaces and sorted baby clothes and was able to reduce totally rid the attic space of two bins, so now I have TONS of boxes for a yard sale, but there is a lot more room for storage.
It is kind of funny that I am more sentimental about Lance's baby clothes than Lily's. I think it is because more of his were gifts from friends, coworkers, etc, where a lot of Lily's were ones I purchased so they don't have as much significance. Or maybe there was a time that I wanted another child and hoped it would be a boy. Which I have to say I am over with now, thanks to Lily. So I have been thinking about it lately, I am content with two, before kids I thought 3, but I think we are good with two. I don't want to go through morning sickness, labor, early breastfeeding, sleepless nights, diapers, colds, crying, etc all over again, I am really enjoying life with kids not babies.
So I have been able to get a lot done. Jeff even got the desk I inherited from my grandmother done so I have a new place for my cookbooks, pens, and other stuff which helps me to get other areas clean. I love organizing and I love when everywhere has a home so it has been fun to get things neat and orderly. I also love purging stuff, it is very cleansing to decide to yard sale the spoons that I use to use before I got the ones I loved and as a result haven't touched them in a year because now there is more room in the drawer and it makes it a bit easier to open and close. I guess another way to look at it is, there is room for more stuff. Which reminds me, I don't buy a lot of stuff, so how have I accumulated so much to get rid of? Well I wish I had before and after pictures of my work, but it was a bit embarrassing how messy certain areas where. So now the goal is to keep these areas neat and organized, but if everything has a home shouldn't that be possible?

Mr. Cautious

2011-08-12T06:54:00.005-04:00

This is Mr. Cautious:

I know he doesn't look like a cautious person:
but he is a bit timid, especially when it comes to riding his bike without training wheels.
We have been working on it on and off all summer and it has been a struggle.
A struggle that I am not cut out for because I get easily frustrated when he will not even try. He finally figured out how to balance and pedal and ride without training wheels after a week of trying, but getting him back on the bike was difficult. Getting him to ride without running along side of him was tricky too, but we got that down. He was doing so good the only thing was, he hadn't had a big crash yet, and we knew it was going to happen, we were just worried he would not get back on the bicycle afterwards. Well yesterday we had a playdate at playground that has a small paved loop beside it, a perfect opportunity to ride our bikes. Lance got on and took off, it was great:

until he got a bit ahead of me and encountered a slight decline in elevation and started going faster and faster and faster. I realized that Lance was going faster than he felt comfortable with so I started yelling for him to brake and was running to try and catch up to him. "Brake! Brake!" I kept yelling, I couldn't figure out why he wasn't doing the very thing that he was so good before. When we were first teaching him how to ride minus training wheels, Lance would put on the brakes the first instant he realized that we were not holding onto him or the first time he was balancing on his own, and now he is riding and needs to use the brakes and he wasn't. I can't win with this child! At the bottom of this slight decline is a slight left hand curve and it was here that Lance crashed. Thank goodness it was on the left because the right had some erosion control plastic up and trees that could have broken something on impact. I ran to him as he was sitting up and I wish I would have gotten his picture because he had a large blade of grass stuck to his forehead and dirt all over his face, he ate it and he ate it good. I immediately brushed him off, told him it was a good crash and tried to get him back on the bicycle. Fortunately, I think due to peer pressure, when he stopped crying, he climbed back on and we went back the way we came to avoid future downhills and did two loops on the trail.

He did great! I did not have to stay right beside him or hold on and he was able to stop twice without me. Now he just needs to get started on his own. So I think we have got bicycle riding without training wheels down! I never thought we would be here, not after all the crying fits and refusals to try that occurred back in May. We have come a long way so to celebrate we had a treat:

frozen yogurt! It was delicious! So our summer mission to get Lance to ride his bike, accomplished, all that is left is trying to get her:

potty trained, we have been working on it for months, but we keep having setbacks and she just doesn't care if she pees all over herself which makes potty training very difficult.

seasons

2011-08-11T06:49:00.003-04:00

we had a playdate at a friend's house yesterday and they have the play set of all play set and so the kids of course wanted to go outside and play so we did and it was so strange.
It is August and it was hot like August, but there was no humidity so it felt like fall, and it was nice and it got me excited for fall (the strange part).
I hate winter, so I say I love summer, but really I think I love all seasons except winter though Christmas is fun.
Yesterday was apple orchard weather, it was dry, but warm and felt like summer time and got me kind of excited about Fall. I guess now that our beach trip is over with I am ready to move on so it will be summer again and have a beach trip to look forward to. I started thinking about all the nice things Fall has, trips to the apple orchards, hiking in the mountains when the leaves are all different colors, going to the pumpkin patch and carving pumpkins, and going to corn mazes and other fall festivals, sounds like fun.
Then I burst the bubble by thinking about having to wear long sleeves and long pants, I love summer dresses.
Cold weather and losing daylight, I love the warm, summer evenings, when it stays light past 8 instead of 5 or 6 like in the winter.
So like everything in life, there is good with the bad and nothing seems to be fully one or the other.
It is suppose to be cool for these next few days so when it gets hot and humid again next week (assuming it will be), I will enjoy both and appreciate the last remaining days of summer before the cool weather and dark nights chase the fireflies away until next summer.

1.5 weeks left

2011-08-10T06:54:00.002-04:00

before Lance goes to Kindergarten!
I am excited for him and sad and everything all rolled up into one.
Lance is going to public school which is ironic because 5 years ago I would have never considered it, but now it is our best option.
I had wanted to homeschool, because I wanted to protect Lance from the children that would be bad influences on him and might hurt him and for him to learn efficiently because the material can be covered in a lot less time, but Lance and I just don't work well together. Doing speech homework or working on workbooks is a struggle and a fight, it is pulling teeth and one of us gets mad at the other and it is just not effective. Then there is his speech delay and possible learning disabilities that are a struggle. No one has been able to figure out how he learns and what problems he may have and is he is just learns differently and he needs different teaching strategies that I just do not have. And then he is just so darn social, it would kill him to not go to school because he just loves people, this summer has been rough for him in the weeks that he didn't have summer camp or many playdates, I can't blame him, he gets it from me. So I have realized over the past two years that homeschooling is not an option for Lance, or myself. Yes there are co-ops that meet once a week for extra lessons, but once a week is not enough for Lance, he really is ready for all day school, though I am not ready for him to be.
I considered for awhile private school, but looking at the prices, over $500 a month, that is too much money to be spending on education when we are barely making it, have to pay for college one day, and do not have any savings, yes we could borrow money, but I don't want more debt. Then there is some consideration that a small percentage of the children that are in private school (usually the upper grades) are the very kids I am afraid of in the public school. The kids that get the boot from public school or so out of control that their parents send them to private school to hopefully get them away from the bad influences or reform them. I know of countless people who have sent their kids to a private, Christian school in town after their child was expelled from public school or gotten in trouble or is out of control in hopes of reforming them. And also with private school, the special ed services for students is non-existent or can't compare to public school so why pay tuition for a school that might not even be able to even help Lance because of lack of special education services?
So after ruling out homeschooling and private school, public was the only option left. Fortunately we live in the school zone for a very nice, small elementary school that is in competition for students of a very nice private school. I am not looking forward to the upper crust snobbery of the school, but I am thankful for it being small with great teachers and students (I went there and I turned out fine).
So how to school your children is another one of those choices of motherhood that are often judged just like vaccines, breastfeeding, and natural childbirth, and I am going against the flow that many I know are. Some may think I am throwing Lance in the lion den, but it would be far worse if I tried to homeschool him because he probably would not learn anything and hate me, so I am making the best decision for all of us, but it is hard knowing that some people would judge me for it. I ran into a woman a few weeks ago, she homeschools, but she admitted to me she wasn't very good at it and her middle child is extremely social and craves social groups and I thought, are you really helping your children? Are you really protecting them or giving them the best when you admit you don't think you are doing a good job and one of your children is lacking what she needs? Is private or public school really that evil or is it just the pressure of everyone else? Which reminds me, why do people pressure other people when their choices are unlike their own? Homeschooling is HUGE around here and it seems like EVERYONE does it, but does that really make it the best?

transitions

2011-08-09T06:51:00.005-04:00

this summer seems to be the summers of good-byes, summer of transitions.
some fun:

like lily transitioning to a big girl bed and saying good-bye to the last of babyhood.
which is exciting, but still a little sad.

lance graduating from preschool and will be starting kindergarten in a few weeks

saying good-bye to Gram, losing my last grandmother.
finishing graduate school classes and now looking for a job.
and now, a change to my first job.
The owner of the restaurant where I got my first job, and still work there occasionally just sold the business. This place has been my safety net, I knew that if things ever got bad, I could always pick up some hours there or go back to work full time there, now with a new owner I don't know what is going to happen. I am excited for the owner since she will have more time for herself and her family, but sad that another chapter is coming to an end. I am forever indebted to her for hiring me, teaching me so much, and giving me so much more over the years. I wish I could find the words to describe what this place means to me, I have met so many people through the store and have so many memories. Once again, another transition that is bittersweet.
So many changes, life is definitely not stagnant.

little mommy

2011-08-08T06:29:00.004-04:00

Lily in the last few weeks has become a little mommy. She wants to take her baby for walks in the stroller

she wants to wrap the baby up in blankets and put them to bed, during lunch she wants a special sandwich just for baby

last night we walked to a church playground and I just loved watching Lily with her baby, she pushed her on the swing, had lance drop her down the slide so she can catch her, and she carried her up the rock wall, it was very sweet.

I am just blown away by how different girls and boys are and how we don't push lily towards babies and playing mommy, but she does it all on her own, just like lance gravitates towards vehicles.

Lily has grown so much this summer and she isn't a baby anymore, which is sad, but so much fun!

home again

2011-08-07T07:01:00.004-04:00

So here I sit on my screened in porch trying to enjoy the early morning like I did at the beach house. It is nice out here, but not the same. There is no sun rising up over the vast Atlantic Ocean, but there is the buzz of bees and the leaves rustling with the breeze which is nice.
Lily is not taking the going home part well. I don't know whether we didn't explain what was going on well enough or what, but is breaking my heart.
Yesterday we got packed up and headed down the beach for breakfast. We ate breakfast and then we passed back by the beach house to leave and when we passed by the beach house Lily shouted "you missed it!" and started to cry. A couple times on I-40 she exclaimed she wanted to go to the beach house and would cry when we told her we were going home. The worst though was when we had just crossed over the Virginia border and Lily yelled out "keep your eyes open for the bridge, we are almost there." I realized right away she meant the swing bridge of the island. I tried to explain that there wasn't going to be a bridge since we were headed home which then brought on even more tears. She seemed to be devastated that we were going home and not to the beach house. Now that we are home she seems fine, but I am not mentioning the beach house. I wonder if she thought we moved there or what she is thinking, but it breaks my heart to see her so upset. I hope that since I don't have school anymore that she will like being at home and will get over the beach house.
So we are all a little sad to be home, but you can't stay forever, would it still be special if we lived there?
So today we will try to get back to the real world and enjoy where we live and start the countdown for the next summer's beach trip.

as i sit here one last morning

2011-08-06T06:31:00.004-04:00

i am sad.
we are going home today.
back to regular life when jeff is only home on sundays and my mom is only around on the weekends or late afternoons.
back to life of trying to manage to pay bills and where I don't have an extra set of hands to cook and clean.
where in the evening you can't walk a few yards and let the kids run wild.

i am going to miss siting out on the the porch in the morning and listening to the surf and the tree frogs and the occasional car passing by.
back to the real world.
where i have to find a job.
figure out a new normal now that classes are done and the kids will be going to school.
it has been a great week.
not necessarily the best vacation ever, but it was exactly what we needed.
time to relax and time together.

perfect.
yesterday jeff and I celebrated our 11 year anniversary by taking a guided kayak tour through the creeks and intercoastal waterways behind the island.
It was very nice to paddle around in the middle of nowhere and see the island from a new perspective. We heard bomb explosions from Camp LeJune, we saw snowy egrets, osprey, blue crabs, and snails that rest on the tops of grasses to escape the crabs. It was nice to paddle around, it would have been fun if it could have been just the two of us, but the tidal creeks are a maze and we could not have done it alone.
So we are winding down a week at the beach that was full of excitement, but overall nice and relaxing and I can't wait to do it again next year.

end of the week

2011-08-05T07:15:00.003-04:00

Why is it the beginning of the week seems to pass by so slowly, but the end of the week when I want time to pass slowly, time seems to be passing at warp speed.
So today is the last day of our beach trip.
How can a week fly by so quickly?
There is still so much to do.
What did we do all week?
I am sad that tomorrow we head home and vacation is over.
I know I should be thankful, there are many people who do not get to spend a week relaxing at the beach, but I am still sad, this is a week that we get Jeff to for a whole week, he only has Sundays off so having a whole week is wonderful.
Then there is kindergarten to consider, Lance is going to start Kindergarten in a few weeks, Kindergarten, how did this happen? I am not ready to send my baby to school all day, every day. I know that he will LOVE it, so that helps.
So one day left and we will enjoy it.
Oh I almost forgot, today is our wedding anniversary, 11 years.
We made it 11 years! amazing, this past year has been rough so I am thankful we are still together and we are celebrating today with a kayak tour of the sound/intercoastal waterway, very excited!

memories

2011-08-04T06:42:00.002-04:00

This beach trip has been a lot of fun, but there have been quite a few sad moments as well. Last year when we were at the beach, Charles and Gram were still alive and though they both did not have life was not ideal, they were around and now both of them are gone. I never thought that we would lose both of them in a year, I kind of thought somehow Gram would outlast us all. Even though Gram has been "gone" for years since her memory has been gone and she wasn't herself, she was still there, like she always was, a constant, and having her around made Pop seem not so far away, I always felt that he knew what was going on through her. Losing Charles though was much harder, though he never was technically my father, he was around a lot longer than my own. I even have picked up a few Charles characteristics/behaviors from him, some good, some bad, but he rubbed off on me through the years, which is ironic because when I was in high school that would be the last thing I would have wanted.
What bring back the sadness and loss the most though, is Lance's new desire to fish. We went out on the pier Tuesday night and Lance decided he wanted to fish and he wanted a fishing pole. If Charles was here and he would have taken Lance out and fished with him and showed him everything there was to fish, he would have even bought him a fishing pole. It makes me sad knowing what Lance is missing. It also makes me sad that my mom doesn't have someone to grow old with or enjoy retirement with. There area also the stories, seeing the shark, the dragonfly in the house, the people, all the stories that he would enjoy, but he isn't around to tell. It is sad. I miss him. So though we are having a good time, there are small pauses where I think back on the last year and remember what is missing. I guess I need to get Lance and fishing pole and learn to fish to make Charles proud.

never been so scared

2011-08-03T06:41:00.003-04:00

For this beach trip I had wanted Jeff to break some white water kayaks to surf in, but due to lack of time and crazy schedule he never got things coordinated. well our neighbors in the beach house next door rented an ocean kayak and told us we could take it out for a spin, we were excited about the opportunity and when I got back from shopping (almost 5 o'clock), we headed out. We paddled out past the breakers, turned around, surfed in, paddled out and that is when we saw it.
a shark
not just any shark but at least a 6 foot long, girth, BIG shark.
Jeff saw its head and gills, I just saw the gills back, I saw it whip its tail around and swim out to sea, but I have never been so scared, it was beautiful, but very big and we were in a kayak that we could easily tip. I immediately freak out and want to go back to shore immediately, we turn to ride the waves back in, but we didn't align ourselves very well due to my freaking out and we flipped.
To recap- saw a shark big enough to take a chunk out and then 30 seconds later, we flip our boat and we are in the water.
It wasn't deep where we were and me being in panic mode start trying to run to shore, not sure why I thought that running in water would be faster or safer than boat, but Jeff convinced me to get back in, I did and we paddled quickly to shore.
I got on the shore ran over to my mom apologized for going out in the boat at 5 pm and swore I would never do that again and laid on the beach trying to slow down my heart rate and not throw up.
So now over 12 hours later, I think, did I really see what I saw? If Jeff wasn't there I would not have thought so, but he saw it too, but it seems so unreal. It was so scary, but yet so beautiful and so fast, but so creepy because we were not really in deep water. I wish I had my camera and my rational brain knows there was no way I could have snapped a picture, but I guess I just wish I had it so I could confirm we saw what we saw because it seems to unbelievable.
Lesson learned: there are big sharks not too deep at 5 o'clock so don't go swimming or kayaking.
It is going to be a hot one today, I wonder if I will be getting in the water today or will I be too chicken.

wildlife

2011-08-02T06:43:00.004-04:00

Yesterday we got our fill of wildlife, not really, but pretty close.
We had a close encounter with a prehistoric, didn't-know-they-could-get-that-big, dragonfly, we got to watch baby loggerhead sea turtles waddle down the sand and into the ocean, and we got to see several pods of porpoises cruising up and down the beach.
The dragonfly incident was a big scary. I was sitting in the kitchen and the kids were in the living room area watching a movie while Jeff and I my mom were preparing to go shopping when all of a sudden both kids screamed and ran towards me. I looked to see what frightened the kids when I saw this thing that was the size of a bird flying around and making this buzzing sound. I grabbed the kids, ducked under the bar of the counter and yelled for Jeff to come and rescue us. I then realized it was a dragonfly, which was not going to sting or hurt us, but it was so HUGE and kept dive bombing around the living area that it probably would have hurt on impact. Jeff finally came up and he attempted to get it out the door because killing it wasn't an option, it was too big. It dive bombed him once, he hit the floor and then it disappeared. We searched the area we had seen it fly to, but couldn't find it. We finally gave up the search went shopping, we came back briefly to get ready to head down to Wilmington and then left for the rest of the morning/afternoon. When we got back from our Wilmington excursion we came upstairs and there was the dragonfly resting on the floor by the door.
I immediately took out my camera to get a picture but realized that without something else for scale his size couldn't be understood so I tried to get my flip flop as close as I could without setting of the dragonfly.

It should be notes I only where a size 7.5 shoe so this is a big dragonfly.
We grabbed a broom and dustpan and managed to scoop up the dragonfly and release him outside. So we can now rest easy that the dragonfly is not lurking somewhere in the house, He was beautiful, but he was unsettling large.
We also saw several pods of porpoises, not unusual, but usually we see them first thing in the morning when everything is so hazy, not at 4 o'clock in the afternoon when everything is crisp and clear and relatively close, they were beautiful and it is a little creep how close they are to shore, or maybe how deep it gets so close to shore is more like it.
And we ended the night watching some loggerhead sea turtles scoot down the beach to their death. Not really, but knowing that it takes 1,000 eggs to produce 1 adult and that most baby turtles do not survive till adulthood, makes things seem pretty hopeless, but they were cute none the less and watching them head down the beach and take off into the water is amazing. I guess it the whole instinct thing, how they know what do and where to go and they do it on their own. The turtles were released by sea turtles monitors, they were found during a nest analysis as well as from another next down the beach, two of the turtles climbed out of the nest during the day so they captured them and waited until dark to release them to give them the best advantage.
So two days of beach vacation gone, four more days to go!

vacation

2011-07-31T08:07:00.002-04:00

it is finally here and despite getting little to no sleep last night, I am content because at the beach nap time is perfectly acceptable because there isn't anything else to do, no housework, no homework, no responsibilities, just play and sleep, and relaxing. I have waited a long time for this- over a year to be exact.

this morning lily comes into our bedroom and announces "wake up, the sun is up, we can go to the big, big water!"
life is good.

finished now what

2011-07-30T06:03:00.003-04:00

So I finished up my Physiology class with a hand cramping 3 hour exam, it was brutal and it is done, I can't believe it. I walked out of my last class yesterday at noon and I am not sure what to do with myself. For the last seven weeks I have had studying to do, papers to write, notes to recopy, curriculum units to create, research to find, if not something due immediately then some big project that needed completing and now there isn't and I am not quite sure what to do with myself. I am at a loss.
What did I do with myself before school?
This is so weird.
Thank goodness we are going to the beach today so I can ease into being a full time mom again slowly, I have been a crappy mom these last 7 weeks and I need to hang out with them more.
The beach.
12 hours from now I will hopefully be eating at the NY Deli and going to the tacky beach stores to buy sand shovels and exhausted from traveling, unpacking, and beating the crowds at the grocery store (a Harris Teeter!).
So after surviving 7 weeks of intensive classes, I need to figure out how to slow down and enjoy life and my kids, Lance is going to Kindergarten in a couple of weeks, I am so excited and so sad, my baby is going to school all day everyday! AHHH!

tomorrow, tomorrow

2011-07-28T06:30:00.004-04:00

i'll love you tomorrow
tomorrow is the last day of my physiology class.
tomorrow is the last day of graduate school (until comprehensive exams in november).

I will be DONE!

I can't believe this journey that I started 2 years ago is complete, I thought it would take me at least 3 or 4 years.

I have met some interesting people, some good, some bad. I have learned a lot.

I am so relieved that the stress of school will be behind me tomorrow.

I am sad school is over, I love learning, I love class when we are discussing something I don't know, I love the social interaction.

I worked on this degree so I could teach at the community college, but I think I would like to teach at a college or university.

My dream of getting my doctorate has kind of resurfaced though I don't know how or where.

Since January I have had my sights set on July 29th, and I can't believe it is here.

The big question is what now.
For the last seven weeks I have been kind of in social isolation, even family isolation working on school work and studying so though I look forward to being social and not having to study, I have kind of forgotten what that is like, not having SOMETHING that has to be done. Then again if I think about, there is a lot of stuff that needs to be done.

So today I am going to hopefully enjoy my last class lecture and learn all I can learn. I am going to hopefully getting an A on my last quiz. I am going to study for my last exam for a class which ironically is probably going to be the hardest one of all my classes.
and tomorrow I am going to celebrate, I did it. I managed to complete the coursework for a graduate degree with two small children. I balanced it all and I only got one B+, well hopefully only 1.

you've got to be kidding me

2011-07-25T16:40:00.003-04:00

I feel horrible, AGAIN!
I thought this was suppose to be summertime, the season of good health and fun in the sun, not colds and sickness.
This summer is seems to be in the running for worst summer ever.
So I think I might have another cold, this is getting ridiculous.
Let's see, I had something allergies or a cold the 9-11th of June which turned into a sinus infection the 19th of June. July 4th weekend, just two weeks after recovering from the pink eye and sinus infection I came down with a definite cold, even a day spent in bed trying to break a fever.
And now I am feeling crummy again.
Now it could be allergies, but it is pretty ironic that on Friday Lily didn't seem to feel to good and had a runny nose, a sore throat, and was sneezing. I didn't know whether it was allergies give her problems or a cold, but now, four days later when I feel the same way she did, I am starting to think it was a cold.
So it is bad enough that my kids keep picking up colds which is more than they did all winter, but they are sharing their love with me, I guess I should be more specific, Lily has shared her germ love with me.
So this summer Lily has given me two colds and one case of the pink eye.
Ridiculous.
I should note, it is ironic that the past seven weeks when all of this illness has been going around, I have been in class all day and not there to remind my kids to wash their hands immediately after grocery store/playground/library etc, wonder if that has anything to do with anything.
Then again, they both go to preschool which I thought was germ center.
Maybe it is all the stress of my classes.
Who knows, but only 4 more days!
I just pray we all stay healthy during our beach trip so we can have one good week.

approaching burn out

2011-07-20T06:38:00.002-04:00

Halfway through class today will mark halfway through my physiology class.
The glass half full side of me says, almost done, on the home stretch.
The glass half empty says, I have still have to complete and do well on 5 more quizzes, 1 take home exam and one CUMULATIVE exam, the worst is still to come.
My motivation to study, read, learn, make flashcards is decreasing, if I don't understand something I am not very motivated to try and figure it out, this is dangerous. I have made A's in all my classes except one and I want to make an A in this one. 8 more days.
8 more days of spending my whole morning in class.
8 more days of spending part of my afternoon and evening studying.
1 more weekend working on a long, take home test.
Home stretch, halfway there, maybe it would help if we were done with muscles and the cardiovascular system.

sweet girl

2011-07-15T14:14:00.004-04:00

last night we went downtown to play, it was a little chilly but that didn't stop us from playing in the fountain/sprayground and when lily was done playing she curled up on the marble bench to get warm and I took her picture because she looked cute all curled up in her bright pink shirt and blue eyes

I love this picture, now I am no photographer, I think it might be a bit out of focus and I don't necessarily know about what makes a good photograph a good photograph, but I love how it captures lily in a quiet moment which is a rare event

the home stretch

2011-07-13T15:38:00.003-04:00

so day 3 of my last 3 week class.
I will be done with graduate school in 16 days.
I can't believe it.
What am I going to do with myself?
I am currently drowning in studying, working housework, etc.
I can't wait.
16 more days.

the 4th was redeemed

2011-07-05T06:43:00.004-04:00

The 4th of July was redeemed and all was not lost. I finally started feeling human again Saturday. I had dinner with the family, worked on schoolwork while the kids went swimming, and then went to see some fireworks. Though we weren't at the beach this 4th of July, the fireworks were enjoyable and the waiting for them to get started was bearable thanks to two thunderstorms in the distance that provided some amazing lightning to keep us entertained until the real fireworks began.

Monday was definitely a better day, the best day of the whole weekend for me, but not so much for other members of my family. We all seem to have caught the cold Lily started with and though I seem to have had it the worse and Lance the mildest, he either was feeling its affects yesterday or was just overly tired from staying up the night before and getting up really early or a combination of both. Despite Lance's grouchiness that was apparent at 9 am, we packed up the car and headed up the road to the Virginia Safari park where we paid a small fortune for some close encounters of the wild animal kind.

The drive-thru/feeding part of the park was fun since we could sit in our car and see the animals, but the walking around exhibits was a bit much, it was so hot and HUMID it was miserable and most of the animals were beating the heat by hiding or in some other not ideal for viewing position. So despite the heat and Lance's bad mood, we had a nice afternoon with the animals, we did get to pet a 12 foot python which was pretty neat. We got home and headed over to my mother's house for a cookout. The kids survived dinner, but it was obvious they were exhausted, Lance especially, so right after dinner we took the kids home and got them ready for bed, no fireworks on the actual 4th, which didn't really bother me, I guess I was too tired. So we celebrated America the American way- we went to a tourist trap and spent money and had a cook out. I am thankful for the white, rich, slave-owning Aristocrats so many years ago that didn't want to pay taxes who made this country, happy ____ birthday America.

worst summer ever

2011-07-03T15:27:00.002-04:00

Lance has been a bit of a drama king lately and when something he happens he calls it the "worst ______ ever." Well this summer is starting to seem like the worst summer ever. The summer started off badly, Memorial Day weekend, Lily was running a fever. Then the following weekend Lance had a fever and the following weekend we were healthy, though I had just gotten over a cold/allergies the days before the weekend. The next weekend I was sick, pink eye and a sinus infection, last weekend everyone was healthy, and now this weekend, I am sick, I thought it was just allergies, but this morning I woke up achy and with a low grade fever.
Weekend illness would not be that big of a deal if I wasn't in class Monday through Friday from 9 to 12, which for the kids is the main part of the day since Lily naps in the afternoon and many days it is too hot to play outside.
So it is 4th of July weekend and I am sick in bed, not the way I was planning on spending the holiday weekend, there is still one more day of the weekend and I hope and pray I will be better tomorrow.
There is a lot of summer left and hopefully this summer won't really be the worst summer ever.

mean girls

2011-06-28T07:02:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I was a mean girl especially to my kids, I was stressed. I was suppose to have a take home quiz for my genetics class and I was ready to take it at 2 pm, but unfortunately the professor did not publish it until 5:45 which then I worked on it trying to entertain the kids before dinner, talking with my mom and sister who had stopped by after getting back from the trip to Indiana, while the kids were playing after dinner and when Lily needed to be held before going to sleep. Never would have thought a five problem take home quiz would take HOURS and even if I could just concentrate on the quiz it would have taken a good chunk of time.
Yesterday was a bad day.
I got nothing accomplished, yet that wasn't from not trying. Everything I did was undid seconds later by the kids. I don't understand, the children have a zillion toys but they won't play with their toys they insist on finding my school snack in my bag and dumping it on the floor and smashing it into little pieces in the kitchen while I am vacuuming the living room rug or throwing books down the stairs while I am trying to clean up the kitchen mess. Is just asking them to play in the playroom with their toys such a difficult request? Or for Lily to take a two hour nap and Lance to play quietly in his room, I should have just let them watch a movie, but I hate that, shouldn't they be able to play?
I also desperately needed to go to the grocery store because the meal planning on the fly that we have been doing recently is not working and we never seemed to have anything to eat and I was stopping by the grocery every 2 days and spending way too much money. Though I dreaded taking two kids to the grocery store right before dinner, both kids have been HORRIBLE lately at the store and I did not have the patience to deal with coupons, sales, list, and two cranky kids. So yesterday afternoon I attempted to moderate the children and meal plan, and planned on going after dinner, but I couldn't concentrate because I was overwhelmed and when I get overwhelmed I can't seem to accomplish anything and I was also working on the take home quiz that took FOREVER.
I got nothing to show for yesterday:
my house is still trashed
the inherited furniture still needs completing
the groceries still need to be bought
Quicken still needs to be set up so I can know where our money is going
I need to finish my resume for a neighbor to look at
I need to renew my teaching license
I need to find climate data for my scientific paper for my ecology class
I need to create a curriculum unit for my ecology class
I need to create a lesson plan for genetics
I had a work project to complete
did I mention laundry because Lance is out of underwear and pjs, again
I can't keep up.
So yesterday I yelled at my kids and my husband, wanted to cry at the log list of to dos that didn't get accomplished and counted down the days until grad school is finished- 33 more days, actually only 25 more days of class, I think I can. Today is a new day, hopefully today will be productive and I won't be a mean girl.
and maybe I get something accomplished and not feel so darn overwhelmed.

it's been awhile

2011-06-22T16:22:00.002-04:00

Life is at warp speed and despite the fact that I haven't bee getting much sleep, I also haven't had time to compose a thought.
I have had many a blog posts to write, but to actually sit down and type hasn't happened.
Let's see what's happened lately.
1- Lance finished up his last year at preschool and we have preparations for Kindergarten, so exciting, scary, and sad.
2- I have been incredibly busy with work projects which had been non-existent until the beginning of May.
3- I have been riding the roller coaster of potty training with Lily, she has got pee down, but the other is a whole other story and due to events such as preschool summer camp, we keep taking steps backwards and go back to pull-ups, very frustrating.
4- I am currently in week 2 of 7 weeks of every day intensive grad classes, or week 1 of my 2nd one. It is a lot of work, but I will be done with graduate school July 29th, which is very exciting, but kind of sad too, I love learning and I have made friends other students who I may not see once classes are done, you get kind of attached when you spend HOURS with people every day for weeks.
5- With grad school finishing up I am looking to go back to work, not sure yet whether full or part time, but that is kind of scary, Lily isn't quite 3 and I want to be there for her, but at the same time I kind of want to go back to work, I enjoy adult interactions, using my brain (not that I don't now, but with teaching I would be using my science brain), a paycheck, etc. Though I may REALLY enjoy having morning to myself and may not want to work, maybe I can get done all of the things I have always wanted to do but never have.
6- My grandmother celebrated her 99th birthday on June 3rd and then 6 days later passed away, it happened very quickly and was kind of shocking, though when you are 99 it isn't too surprising. I am sad that now she is really gone, though due to dementia she has been gone for years.
7- I have pink eye, viral pink eye and have had to wear my glasses and will have to wear my glasses until I am symptom free for 48 hours. This has been very difficult for me and the explanation would take a whole post, but basically having to wear my glasses has really brought out my insecurities, I am shocked how insecure I have felt in my glasses and how different I am, must find time to write more. I must say after wearing my glasses for 4 days I REALLY want eye surgery.
8- Not only do I have pink eye, but I also had a sinus infection and this cold or allergies are driving me bonkers, I can't wait to feel better again, I have been so congested, have had headaches, and a sore throat and a decongestant works, but I have trouble sleeping when I take it and I haven't figured out what is the lesser of two evils.
9- I am so thankful that this summer I broke it down and got a pool membership, best $370 every spent, bring on the 90+ days because we are ready.
10- I always like to have even number of items in lists, but I can't think of any. So I will hopefully find time to blog once again because I have a lot to say and I just need to find the time.

snow

2011-03-25T13:32:00.002-04:00

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday we enjoyed beautiful spring weather, it was heavenly! We played outside every possible moment and cherished every second because it seemed too good to be true, and it was or might be. This weekend, more specifically Saturday night into Sunday it is suppose to snow, nothing much, probably no accumulations, but snow none the less. SNOW a few days before April? I am so over winter, I am ready for spring and more specifically summer. I guess the phrase about march that it will enter like a lion and live like a lamb or the other way around, it will definitely leave like a lion. We haven't gotten much snow this year, nothing accumulating since December, before winter actually began and here it is suppose to snow again after winter is officially over. I thought climate change was suppose to bring warmth? and warmth earlier? it has been a cold winter and I am ready for warm temperatures to come and stay.

what a difference

2011-03-23T06:10:00.002-04:00

Lance really didn't start talking until he was 4. He said a few words here and there before there, but I was the only one who really understood him and then last summer sentence were flying out. Lance has come such a long way in the last 9 months, he isn't up to par with most of his peers, but he isn't as far behind as he was.

What blows me away isn't so much what Lance can say, but what Lily can. She blows me away. Lily can say what Lance can at 4 and she talks and talks and talks. It makes me wonder what it would have been like for Lance to talk at 2. I am bit sad I missed what Lance would have said at two, because Lily is pretty darn cute, but then would he be as cute or as talkative? I wonder if Lance had been "normal" and had a lot to say at 2 like Lily, would Lily talk this much now? WIth the exception of the temper tantrums, I am enjoying Lily right now, the things she says and the way she says them are too cute. That girl is going to get away with murder from her cuteness, she is dangerous.

it's been a long time

2011-03-22T06:36:00.003-04:00

Finding time to sit down and compose a thought and not a to-do list is a rare event. I use to blog in the afternoons when the kids napped, but now that Lance doesn't nap I don't always have a free moment to myself, which is not good, I have school work and work-work.

Lance is growing up too fast. Last week we went to Kindergarten pre-registration. Kindergarten, I am so excited, but so terrified. Next fall he will be in school all DAY! I am excited for him, but also sad, I will miss him. I am thankful that Lily is going to preschool two days a week so Lance and I have two mornings together, I try and always remember that my days are precious and I won't necessarily have this time in the future, which I will admit it easier said than done when there is vacuuming to do and errands to run. Once again I am trying to find balance and I am no closer to figuring it out, I can't seem to balance work, school, kids, chores, errands, etc, something always gets shafted. Lately schoolwork has been left out which is starting to bring me unneeded stress. I have a large project due April 9 and I have done nothing, well found a few potential websites to help me out, but I have SO MUCH TO DO and so little time. I get anxious just thinking about it, but I set a goal, I am going to get some work done on Wednesday and hopefully have it complete by April 1st! I am on the home stretch of school and though I love school, I can tell that my motivation is fleeting!

a sign of the times?

2011-02-11T13:48:00.002-05:00

While Lance was in school today Lil' and I went to a local shopping center to get valentines for our family. As luck would have it we finished our card shopping with 25 minutes extra before we had to pick up Lance from school, so there wasn't enough time to go home, but it was too early to go pick him up so I decided to walk down to the children's store. As we approached I noticed that the sign out front said that the store was closing. This store has been around in one form or another for at least 10 years, I was surprised it was closing, but then again not, it is a boutique with overly priced items, but then again it has been there for a LONG time. Upon arriving home I jumped on facebook and looked up the children's store to see when they had announced they were closing, when they planned to close for good, and if they said why. For some reason, I happen to click on a link to another local store, this one an upscale clothing store in the same area and was surprised to see that they too were having a closing sale. I had never set foot into this clothing store, it was a bit intimidating since I probably could not afford a pair of socks and I feel weird looking at clothes that are way out of my price range, but I felt bad they were closing before I ever walked in. I guess as a fellow small business owner, I feel bad that they didn't succeed.
These store closing got me thinking.
The bad economy is really making an impact here, though I am not sure why it took so long, people joke that our city is a few years behind everyone else, and maybe there is some truth to that. Business has been hard for us since the middle of 2008, and hopefully it will get better though, these two store closing scare me, what if this downturn is not over, what if things are going to get worse or am I comparing apples to oranges (comparing a skateboard/bicycle shop to a high end clothing store).
Store closings had me reflecting on our business.
We are looking into moving into a new space, it has lots of positives, but the one BIG negative is the increase in rent. If things continue the way they are going we aren't going to be able to pay a higher rent, but hopefully things will pick up and we can, but we don't know. Rumors are going around that gas is going to be $5 a gallon by the end of this year which means everything increases, rubber prices are increasing so much that bicycle inner tubes are going up $1 in price (since they are 3-4 dollars, that is a big jump), and when prices and fuel increase, spending on extras goes down and that could really hurt us.
Every year we keep thinking that this year will be our year, but are we just being foolish, is the writing on the wall, should we be closing down too before we get any further in the hole? Are things really going to get better? Is it possible to be a successful small, local business in a world with free shipping and big box stores?
No matter what, SHOP LOCAL!

overwhelmed

2011-02-09T15:21:00.002-05:00

I need a summer beach vacation about now.
I am extremely overwhelmed.
The bills are overwhelming.
The kids and the lack of outside play time is overwhelming.
My graduate class is a lot of work and time, thank goodness this weekend is the last one, at least until March 1 when hopefully another class with start and in April when I have present my project from this class.
Which reminds me I am overwhelmed trying to jump through hoops to get signed up for the class that starts March 1 and I need to get signed up ASAP so I can have financial aid!
Then Jeff is considering moving the store location to a new space and that is a bit overwhelming, we will need more business to support the large rent, but it is a nicer space, but it might have problems on its own.
I am just overwhelmed and feel like I am drowning, not a good feeling.
I just wish I had an easy button.

kindergarten

2011-01-21T12:28:00.003-05:00

I never would have thought I would lose sleep and worry over Kindergarten.
The decision really in the grand scheme of things is small, but it seems to be of Goliath proportion and everyone has an opinion and like so many things when it comes to motherhood, there is no right answer.
To send Lance to Kindergarten or not to, that is the question of the year!
I have been flipping and flopping over what to do for months and with preschool applications this week it has been driving me crazy.
After teaching public school for four years I swore I would never send my kid to public school, I thought I would homeschool, but then I realized that Lance and I don't do well together when it comes to academics, we butt heads, and he won't try, perform, or whatever for me.
He also is a very SOCIAL kid and would hate being home schooled, he needs more socialization. Yes, home schoolers get socialization, but Lance wants DAILY socialization and that is only going to happen in a day long school setting. So despite my desire to shelter and teach my children, I can see that it is not best for Lance, especially since he possibly has a learning disability and I do not have the skills to help him.
So then there is the wait a year or send him.
The preschool teacher recommended waiting and sending him to the 5 day half-day 5 year old class, but would 2 hours and 45 minutes of preschool really be beneficial for him? He doesn't need to mature socially or emotionally, he needs to mature academically which I would think would happen in a Kindergarten classroom. I do fear that he could get overwhelmed in Kindergarten, but even if we wait a year he could get overwhelmed if a learning disability is hindering his learning.
Here's the other thing, if he was in the public preschool there would be no decision, he would automatically be sent to Kindergarten, they don't offer a Pre-K program for 5 year olds. Also, if Lance did not go to preschool at all then I would probably just enroll him in school and not even think twice, basically ignorance is bliss.
Then there is the me to consider. If Lance goes to Kindergarten and Lily preschool, that would allow me to have more time to work on my part-time job from home or work a few mornings out of the house which would help us our financially which would be wonderful for our family. I hate stressing about money, but it is has been the number one stress in our life for the last couple of years and I am honestly tired of treading water, I want to have money in savings and be debt-free and that is only going to happen with me working.
Also, I want desperately for Lance to be normal. He just started really talking this past summer and there may be other problems lurking beside a speech delay and I just want him to be normal. Fortunately, going into Kindergarten he has an IEP, a speech therapist and a special ed teacher so he will receive help hopefully before he is in over his head. Then all this worry makes me feel like I am making Lance out to be incapable of learning, and that isn't true.
I just want what is best for Lance, but also for all of us, and unfortunately there is no right answer. Several people have told me how they waited a year to send there kids to Kindergarten and it was the best decision, but how do they really know? You can't have one child go through both scenarios.
I need to stop questioning everything and just stick with my decision to send Lance to Kindergarten. I am just afraid that I am being selfish or stubborn and oblivious to the writing on the wall.
So the Kindergarten decision, I wish it wasn't so difficult and I wish I could stop questioning myself, it is just so hard when it is 8 months down the road yet you have to figure out what you are doing NOW!
I knew motherhood was going to be tough, I just didn't know how tough the little things can seem to be.

back to the blah

2011-01-13T07:08:00.003-05:00

Tuesday was rainy and cold.
Yesterday was blustery and cold.
and I am back in hibernation mode where I can't get ANYTHING done!
BOO!
I want desperately for spring to come or maybe just move to south Florida.
Currently it is 21 degrees with a high today of 35.
I must get out of the funk.
that's all.

once a week cooking

2011-01-10T13:37:00.002-05:00

I am incredibly interested in once-a-month-cooking. I would love to have menus planned and prepped for a whole month. It just isn't possible for me right now, for several reasons:
- I don't have a large amount of kid free time to prepare more than a handful of meals and trying to cook is hard with a 4 yr old and a 2 yr old who want to help and be underfoot
-I don't have a freezer large enough to hold a months worth of meals
-I don't have a kitchen big enough to prepare a lot of meals
- and finally I don't have enough money to buy enough groceries for a month's worth
I have been trying to do more freezer cooking for awhile now, I double some recipes and put one in the freezer for later and eat one for dinner. Having a prepared dinner in the freezer makes me feel good because I know that on a day when I don't feel like cooking we won't be tempted to go out to eat or just eat junk, we can have a decent meal despite a lack of motivation. So I have been slowly moving towards once-a-month cooking and I have figured out that it works best for me on a smaller scale- a week's worth. So if I get a couple hours kid-free on a Sunday to prep some meals, I go to town. I have found it makes the week so much easier especially when I just have to pull dinner out of the freezer and put it in the oven.
Yesterday while Lily napped and Lance and Jeff went to the children's museum I went went to work in the kitchen, preparing 4 of the 7 meals for this week. It was pure chaos, and there were TONS of dishes to wash afterward, but most of my meals are prepped and ready to go. Which reminds me I don't mind cleaning the kitchen and a clean, organized kitchen makes me feel good, but I get tired of messing it up to make dinner and clean it up every night and that is why plan ahead cooking is ideal for me. I make a huge mess one day and the rest of the week the mess is just plates and a casserole dish, not all of prep bowls, measuring cups, spatulas etc that need cleaning when you are prepping meals. Having a clean kitchen also helps motivate me to keeping the rest of the house clean and when I don't have to spend over half an hour cleaning the kitchen I am a bit more motivated to pick up other areas on the house in the evening.
So hopefully I will continue to meal plan and find the time to do once-a-week-cooking to make the week run a little smoother and help us to save money by not wasting food and eating at home.

what a difference a little light makes

2011-01-08T08:35:00.003-05:00

I am not a fan of winter, especially cold weather. I hate being cold and hate cold weather unless it is snowing. Winter just seems dark, cold, and confining. In December and November, right after the time change, I was really struggling with motivation to do anything, especially in the late afternoon since it was so dark. I need sunlight, I am a bump on a log on rainy days, but sunny, warm days, I am ridiculously productive. So last month, the house was feeling microscopic, the kids were not getting enough energy out, and I didn't know how we were going to survive January and February. I was in hibernation mode and it wasn't good.
Things fortunately turned around last week. The change began with temperatures in the upper 50's last Friday which got the kids and I out of the house during the day, and then the realization that it isn't complete dark at 5 pm helped matters too. Unfortunately the warm temperatures didn't last, it was back in the 30's this week, but it is staying light later, only 15 minutes, but it has made all the difference. Several afternoons this past week the kids and I went for a walk/bike ride to the church playgrounds that are close and enjoying getting out and being active. It was so nice to be able to stay out until 5:15 without it being pitch black. The day doesn't seem as long, the kids aren't as wild when I am trying to make dinner, the witching hour isn't nearly as witching, and I think that maybe I can make it to spring. So there is hope that we can make it through winter since I can't move to Florida.

balance

2011-01-04T07:49:00.004-05:00

This year in addition to New Year's Resolutions I have a word to try and achieve:
Balance.
I need it.
I need to find a way to balance graduate school, work, playtime, chores, personal time, reading, exercising.
Balance, my goal for 2011.

we don't get out much

2011-01-03T10:53:00.006-05:00

We don't get out much, and now I know why. . .
With two small children, we don't go out to the movies very often, but yesterday we decided to splurge and go see "The Voyage of Dawn Treader." We had two options, the nice, new theater with stadium seating or the older, not nice theater. The older theater offered the movie in 3-D or normal and the nice theater only in 3-D. If you are going to pay $8 I figured go to the nice theater, I was forgetting about the $3.50 surcharge for the 3-D glasses. So we handed over $23 dollars to see the movie, $23 for a movie was harsh and then to make it worse the movie really wasn't that great in 3-D! The movie was entertaining and good, but it would have been just as good not in 3-D, this whole 3-D kick EVERY movie seems to be on is silly. Is it just to make more money? please tell me it is just a phase.
I personally am not a fan of the 3-D, yeah it is kind of cool, but it kind of hurts my head and the glasses do not fit and I have to hold them at a weird angle and adjust them every few minutes, basically it is more of a pain then worth it.
maybe i wouldn't be so opposed to it if you didn't have to buy the 3-D glasses every time. I loved that at the beginning of the movie it said "keep 3-D green by recycling your glasses." I hope people realize the green isn't environmental green, but financial green because they don't have to make new glasses, they just repackage the glasses and re-sell them. Can you not pay the 3-D surcharge and bring your own? In fact I would rather buy a more expensive pair that fit my head and bring my own so I would have a comfortable movie experience, but I doubt that would ever happen. So we kept our 3-D glasses for the kids to play with because if I am going to pay for them I am going to get my money's worth.
Oh and I forgot to mention the $4.75 small soda, if that thing was small, then the large could serve a family of 5. The prices and proportions of movie theater food/drink is RIDICULOUS, no wonder the U.S. has an obesity problem. I know that movie theaters make their money off of their concessions, but I would think more people would pay more for smaller, cheaper food options.
So it will probably be awhile before we go see a movie again, or at least a 3-D movie, or maybe I just need to look into a way to find cheaper movie tickets. . .

a fresh start

2011-01-01T07:13:00.000-05:00

Life has been running at warp speed and there has no time for anything, especially blogging. I finished up the fall semester of grad school, nine hours, 3 classes, all A's! I worked some at a deli a couple of weekends this fall and worked from home aligning state standards to standardized tests, one thing I hated about teaching, but it pays bills and took up a lot of time. I shuttled the kids between school, play dates, and everywhere in between. 2010 is done and hopefully the chaos is done with it.
I want to find more balance this year. I love that every year we can start fresh, start over on day 1 and set goals and work towards being the person we were created to be.
I hate January, I hate winter, unless it is snowing, but I love the new beginning January 1st brings.
The slate is wiped clean and I can set goals and work towards them.
2011 will hopefully be a good year.
No more diapers for Lily- we've been working all week on this one, potty training Lance was WAY easier, but there is no turning back now!
I will finish grad school this summer and hopefully will start teaching part time and earn more income.
I will drink more water and get up early for some alone time every day.
I will tithe and save more.
I will be credit card debt free.
I will read the whole Bible again.
and who knows what else will strike my fancy today.
So my New Year's toast- is "to new beginnings!"

a little of this a little of that

2010-11-29T06:49:00.000-05:00

One thing comes off my plate and more comes on.
I can check a paper off my to do list
and I can add, finish snapfish calendars for Christmas on,
there are just not enough hours in the day.

On a total random note I need to vent. I am frustrated.
I am tired of juvenile behavior.
I am tired of "hurt feelings" and victimization and tick-for-tack behavior in some of the people I know.
Why is it wrong for one person to do something, but perfectly acceptable for another?
Why do hurt people hurt people?
I realize that a lot of people still act as though they are in high school.
Then again most people only read on a 9 grade reading level and most newspapers and publications are on a 5th grade level so we don't set our expectations high.
It's just make me sad how self-absorbed people are- how people only think about themselves anymore and never try and understand anyone else.
Everything is always everyone else's fault.
Am I the only one who says I am not right, I will take some blame, but I am not going to take it all????

stressed

2010-11-27T06:44:00.000-05:00

I have no good excuse but I have one week until I have due:
1- a paper about the book Isaac Storm
2- a curriculum unit on a meteorology topic (never taught Earth Science so starting from scratch)
3- a scientific study paper and activity for the classroom (haven't finished the study yet start it)
4- a curriculum unit for an ecology topic (started this but I just need to sit down and organize everything)
5- a classroom demonstration on something from the ecology curriculum unit
then to add to it, I am working all day today so I won't have a Saturday afternoon to work and yesterday afternoon the kids didn't nap so I am feeling a bit overwhelmed right now- 10 days for 5 things- that is 2 days a thing- Yikes!

it's been awhile

2010-11-22T17:26:00.000-05:00

It's been a long time since I have had any free time, been so busy with work, school work, kids, making ornaments, just doing life.
I can't believe it is almost Thanksgiving and fall has come and almost gone, life is going at a warp speed and I would like things to slow down a bit, it hopefully will in a few weeks when my classes are done, I only have 1 class next semester, thank goodness, I have been swamped with school since May. I will probably have a busy summer of grad classes and then a full fall semester and then hopefully I will be done.
Though I am really enjoying grad school and not sure I want it to be over with. I enjoy studying and learning, I enjoying talking and being around different people, being something more than mommy. Though I do feel guilty because I am not always engaged with my children because I am working on work or schoolwork and though I am there, I am not always there.
It has been really hard to find balance, balancing being a mother, but also a person. It is frustrating because life is not what I want it to be or even how I imagined it. I didn't think that we would be struggling financially and I would be working from home as well as going to school and I naively thought I would be the stereotypical 50's housewife who was in domestic bliss. If I am going to be honest, I am not satisfied with domestic bliss and want something more, just how to balance it all is tough.

how do you

2010-10-06T16:29:00.000-04:00

get back into writing normally when you have been gone for so long?
I don't know what to say,
I don't know what is important, what I want to remember.
So much has happened in the last couple of weeks I am bit overwhelmed with trying to recall it all.

We went to the apple orchard at the end of September and it was a ridiculously hot day which made for a short visit. Hot temperatures and hay ride makes grumpy family.

The same weekend as the apple orchard was Charles' memorial party and my aunts and uncles came into town for the weekend. My aunt's birthday is the beginning of October so we went out to dinner to celebrate since the everyone is rarely all together. It was a nice dinner despite the sad circumstances that brought everyone together. The kids being kids needed entertaining while we waited for the food so we walked around the outside of the restaurant and we got to see a train passing by. As seen above, the kids weren't too thrilled about the squealing train and covered their ears, it was very cute.

One way to entertain children at a nice restaurant is give them your digital camera and have them take pictures of everyone and I have to say, I am quite impressed at Lance's photography skills, he has potential, Jeff and I for the most part are centered and straight.

This past Saturday was the 20th Annual Dr. John A Stephenson Memorial Run and both kids ran. Lily ran 1/8 of a mile and Lance 1/4 of a mile. The kids loved the t-shirts, their numbers, and especially their trophies. Dr. Stephenson was my pediatrician when I was young and it was neat for my kids to participate in a memorial run for him.

Lance with daddy running to the finish line.

And the best part, the trophies! This is the time they participated in something to get a trophy and it is a treasured item this week.

So life is flying by at warp speed and I am trying to enjoy it.
Through the loss of Charles, one thing I have learned is, enjoy every moment you have with people and try and live life, don't get old with a whole list of "I wish I would have. . ."

full plate

2010-10-05T15:09:00.000-04:00

Life has been ridiculously crazy.
Let's see:
Lance has school Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.
Lily has school Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Friday morning before school is Lance's speech appointment.
Wednesday mornings Lily and I go to a small group Bible study while Lance is at school.
Thursday nights I have an Intro to Env Sci and Earth Sci class which is more work then I originally thought.
Once a month I have a meteorology class, but I do have meteorology work every week to do.
I also have book club once a month, this month is my pick Eat, Pray, Love, and I am trying to get it done by next week's meeting.
I am also preparing crafts for a craft show for next month,
Then there is also work, work.
As well as the normal, cook, clean, laundry, hang with the kids, all the chores that come with being a wife, mother, and domestic engineer.
So life is quite a balancing act and I am looking forward to a little break though I don't see an end in sight.

a bittersweet farewell

2010-09-10T16:21:00.001-04:00

When a chapter of life ends, when someone dies, when there's a loss; I expect and want the world to stop with me. Last Friday, someone important in my life died and yet the world kept going. Part of me wanted to stop people and say to them, "don't you know, we lost someone special, someone who made a difference, someone who loved me and who I loved, how can you keep going as though this a normal day when it is anything but?" I wanted for just one second for the world to stop and mourn with me.

Last week, last Friday, I lost someone who is indescribable, someone who I cared deeply for after many years of trying not to, someone who though not my father was around a lot longer than my own father, someone who taught me so much and who I am afraid never really understood how much I did care and how thankful I was for him.

I don't exactly know when Charles and my mom became serious, I think I was in middle school, but for 20 some odd years Charles has been kind of a father figure, but more importantly he has been my mom's companion, her person, her significant figure, her other half, her confidant, her best friend, her fill-in-the-blank.

Charles and I had a rough start, I hated him, well hate is a strong word, but pretty darn close. He is not who I would have picked to be my mom's person, my dad's replacement, though he never tried to replace my father, it's just all so complicated. At the time I resented him, I resented him because my mother would choose him over me, because it wasn't just my mom, sister and I anymore, because everyone knew who he was and it was kind of embarrassing that my mom was dating my former elementary school principal, because he wasn't my father, because I was a teenager and isn't that what you are suppose to do? It didn't help things that Charles was stubborn, strong-willed, and had a temper just like me and the two of us butted heads more often then not. But as I got older I realized that he wasn't so bad and I really appreciated him especially his relationship with my mother, though flawed because he has been there for her and cared for her and took some of the pressure that was on me. He made her happy so I didn't have to.

In the last five years Charles' health has been declining. Well not really his health, his muscles, his strength and two years ago he sold his house and property and moved himself into a nursing home because he couldn't take care of himself anymore. A year ago after suffering a stroke his muscle strength weakened even more and the last year has been very difficult since he was been mostly bed ridden. His Inclusion Body Myositis, the disease affecting his muscles started affecting his ability to swallow and probably cough this summer and he started aspirating and developing pneumonia. Last week, he was tired of fighting the losing battle and pneumonia took over. Though we knew the end was near, what we thought would be days took only hours, I guess when you are ready to let go, you do.

His death is so complicated, like everything. I am thankful he isn't suffering anymore, that he isn't uncomfortable, that he isn't trapped in a bed with a body that doesn't work, but at the same time he's gone. It is frustrating because with his situation there were no right answers. He could have fought harder and possibly survived for a little bit longer, but what's the point when the quality of life is so poor? Death for him is best for him, but not for us who are left, but it is selfish for us to want him to suffer just to have him around. It is all so difficult.

Even though I resisted for many years, Charles made a large impact in my life and I am thankful. I hope he knew how appreciative I am and how much I do care and love him. 15 years ago I would never think I would be sitting here crying over the loss of Charles, but I here I am, feeling as though the world is a bit empty because he isn't in it.

Since I love making lists, here's my Charles list- what he brought to my life, what he taught me, what he showed me, etc:
1-Charles gave me a love for going out to breakfast- he would always take us out to breakfast and we would go to hole-in-the-wall kind of places, like Country Kitchen, Carol's, Clayton's or Waffle House- ones where back in the day the waitresses would be chain smokers and would call you sugar or honey- I still prefer going out to breakfast, but I tend to go to Panera, but I am still up for a good southern hole-in-wall kind of place

2-Charles passed on to me his ability to talk to strangers everywhere and anywhere, funny thing is that use to embarrass me so much and now it is something I do all the time, Charles would talk to everyone everywhere and now I do, I will strike up a conversation with anyone and everyone, it's ironic how the very thing I hated most is now something I do all the time

3-camping and travelling in an RV- camping and travelling was okay, but once Charles got a camper, I loved it- I loved having a bathroom, a kitchen, a table, and most importantly as a teenager a television when we went on trips- it was so much fun travelling in the camper- I have many good memories of camping at the beach and the lake in the camper

4-the opportunity to ride on fast things to fulfill my need for speed- Charles had a 4 wheeler at his house and I loved taking it out into the woods and when we were at the lake he would rent a jet ski for me to play on, it was so much fun and both things are something my mom would never have approved of

5-fishing, specifically surf fishing which always required a bit of skill since you were trying to decide whether the pull was the surf or a fish

6-infomercials- Charles would buy anything and everything from an infomercial- some of it would be junk, some would be wonderful (the turbie twist hair towels- still love them) but you never know until you get it and Charles passed on his infomercial appreciation to me- I will admit I was overjoyed to receive some ShamWows for Christmas

7-fried chicken from Mitchells and food in general from mom and pop convenient stores- if it wasn't for Charles I would probably never have had food from convenient stores, but I have and survived to tell of it and know it wasn't that bad, especially Mitchell's fried chicken and I don't like fried chicken

and my list could on and will go on
but most importantly he showed me a world outside my bubble/social status/network/whatever you want to call it
Charles was no saint, he wasn't perfect, and probably just as many people disliked him as loved him
but he wasn't above anyone or anything, he was for the most part humble, he cared for people, he made an impact on numerous people, and he expected a lot out of people, he was a teacher.educator through and through
and at times could be described as a grumpy old man, he wasn't a snob, an elitist, he didn't care what other people thought, and I hope one day someone can say the same thing about me, not the grumpy part, but that I loved and cared for all people, that I wasn't a snob, and that there are no such things as strangers, just friends we haven't met yet

So as hard as it is to say good-bye and how time separates us further and further each day, I am thankful for the memories and experiences he gave me and that he is not suffering anymore.

Thank you Charles, thank you for expanding my world further than I would have thought possible, thank you for loving my mother, thank you for loving me and sticking around despite my best efforts to make you go away, thank you for everything that you have done for us, we wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you and though I never said it enough, I love you and will miss you always. -your Sarah B.

excuses, excuses

2010-07-19T16:53:00.001-04:00

So today is week 3 check-in of the reading the Bible in 90 days and I am behind- WAY behind, but I have some good excuses:
-I have had quite a few work projects
-I started a week late since I realized my Bible that I took on vacation was missing most of Genesis
-I have been trying to get back on track after being on vacation
-my kids have been getting up early, not allowing me to have quiet reading time
-they have not been napping, not giving me any reading time during the day
-I have been preparing for my graduate class that starts tomorrow- got a BIG book to read for a 6 day class- do I really have to know all that stuff?? I digress
- I didn't have a complete Bible and had to buy a new one since an almost 2 year old decided to make my Bible holy, like in the tear out pages kind of holy, I digress again!
-I have been shipping like 30 things that I sold on e-bay, another long story for another day
-I have been trying to finish the book that I need to finish for book club in a couple weeks that is now officially overdue at the library, it is really good thought taking forever since I have no free time
-I have just been a slacker and not making it a priority which is the worst excuse of all
-I have been busy trying to just keep it all together
-I have been using free time to connect with my mentorees and encourage them to complete the readings
On a positive note: I have finished Genesis, I have started- and despite reading it tons of times and reading the whole Bible in 90 days at the beginning of the year, I am finding things that are new, things I never noticed before and that is what makes reading so amazing. So my goal is be caught up by next week- it is a long shot, but I really want to take part in the Monday night discussions and it will help me to encourage my mentorees and have more to discuss with them so I am not defeated and plugging along as best I can. So I started, better late then never, right?

the beach

2010-07-13T20:08:00.003-04:00

the kids waiting for "GiGee" to come so we could pack up the van, we told her we would be ready at 8 am and we were, ready and waiting

lily taking it all in when we first got there

lance yelling at the ocean, he was so excited to be there and playing at the beach

on the 4th we went down to Wilmington to see the fireworks from the battleship, it was the best fireworks display and the crowd and their reaction made it even more fun, this is the 2nd year that we were downtown for the 4th and hope we can do it again

i love it, the scenery is beautiful, the crowd is fun, and the fireworks are amazing

one day we headed down to the aquarium because we needed a day out of the sun, this picture captures what life is like most of the time, lance torturing his sister in some fashion

the jellyfish, one of the many of sea creatures we saw at the aquarium

my favorite beach picture, the picture that you take by a fluke, the kids weren't posing, it wasn't planned it was just plan luck and I love it, once again it really capture my children

the beach from Lily's perspective, another neat photo that happened by chance

the older Lily gets the more her girlie she becomes and it is so much fun, I love the way she can play with trains and then grab her sunglasses and a purse and be a little diva

the only cloudy day the whole week, Jeff and I got up a little before 6 to see the sunrise unfortunately it was the one cloudy day and we missed it, maybe next year

with two young children it was a relaxing, restful vacation, but we had a lot of fun together and I can't wait to go back again soon, I would love to live closer to the ocean, but I wonder would I still appreciate and enjoy the beach or would life get in the way? so after a week at the beach I am having a tough time trying to get back into the swing of things with housework, bills, bible in 90 days, work, studying, and just life and with the longest to-do list that keeps growing it makes me want to go back to the beach even more.

life's a beach

2010-07-02T06:59:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow we leave for a week at the beach, for our yearly beach vacation that I have been looking forward to since July 5th of last year when our week was up. One day I would like to live closer to the coast, or at least have a beach house we can visit regularly. I hope and pray that everyone will stay healthy and safe and despite having two wild and crazy kids, that Jeff and I can find time to relax, because we so desperately need time to spend together and let go of all the stress of life right now. The kids and I need to relax so we can get ready for the crazy month ahead when we get back home. Earlier this week I looked at our July calendar and there is hardly time to breathe, or well in the mornings/daytime! The week we get back is set with playgroup, storytime, and a playdate, then the week after that is vacation bible school for both kids while I am taking a graduate class during the day (I'll be gone 3 days from 8am to 6pm, a very long day!), then Lance has preschool summer camp the following week while I finish my second week of a graduate class, then the first week of august I am in a new class every day all day (9am to 5pm) and someone different will be watching the kids and they will have storytime at the library and playgroups. So as much as I can't wait for tomorrow and going to the beach and getting away for a week, I can't wait for the second week of August when I can really relax after 3 weeks of graduate school and 4 weeks of busy, busy, busy. I thought the summer was a time to slow down and relax? Maybe next year!

Bible in 90 days

2010-07-01T12:41:00.000-04:00

July 5, Monday starts another online community with Mom's Toolbox beginning to read through the entire Bible in 90 days. I decided a week before the readings began to try it and I did it, I read through the entire Bible in 90 days. I honestly didn't think it was possible, but I completed it and if I can do it anyone can. So another group is beginning and once again I am going to try, this time with a difference version of the Bible. Also what makes this experience different is I have the opportunity to encourage other readers to keep up the reading and really make the most of this opportunity. I learned so much the first time and I hope I can learn even more this time especially since I will be exploring God's story with others and helping someone else to reach there goal and get to see the bigger picture of God's love for us and how He used flawed, people of little faith to do great things. I can't wait for the adventure to begin!

I Got a ___________ in Human Anatomy

2010-06-30T14:51:00.000-04:00

I got an A in Human Anatomy! I am so excited, grades were finally posted and I am so excited. I guess it really isn't too big of a surprise since my grades going into the final exam were 94, 94, 100, and 97, but to see that 4.0 on the screen is exciting! Though I have only taken 2 classes my grade point average is a 4.0, I love it, never had that good of a grade point average as an undergraduate, I don't know where this perfectionism is coming from and I hope that I won't be too disappointed if I get a B. Anyways I am celebrating the fact that I made an A, survived a tough, intense class, overcame my fear of cadavers and dissections,, and learned a whole lot about the human body.

1 years anniversary

2010-06-21T07:15:00.000-04:00

Last night was the one year anniversary of the fire that destroyed our business.
I never thought we would be here one year later.
This past year has been rough and I am totally amazed that we are still here, hanging on somehow.
We have reopened in a new location, started working on bicycles again (which has kept us treading water), learned that God is good and totally in control even though it may not feel like it.
A lot has happened as a result of the fire:
I am now in graduate school in hopes of getting a better, more flexible job and have financial aid due to our loss from the fire
Jeff is now in school working on his undergraduate in graphic design so he will have something to fall back and help bring in income, once again with great financial aid due to our losses from the fire
thanks to Obama's stay in your home program and the fire our mortgage is ridiculously low so we will never move, ever, yet we still can't pay on the bills, but hopefully one day
I found a job I can do from home and though it is sporadic, hopefully it will help us to get ahead during the slow times
our marriage has made it through one of the roughest periods of our life and if we can survive this, I would like to think we can make it through anything
So a year ago it seemed as though our life was destroyed, but it didn't kill us, hopefully it did make us stronger and it is only up from here
A year later there is still an ache when I think about how everything went up from one careless cigarette, though it wasn't our home, it was our "second home," and there were lots of personal things and memories there and we can never get them back.
But it is only up and out from here

trapped in the woods

2010-06-18T13:35:00.000-04:00

Before kids I use to mountain bike on a regular basis, I even competed in a race, but since having kids I think I have only been 2-3 times. A friend was starting a beginner's woman's bike ride and since I was ready to get back into riding I jumped at the opportunity to ride with others. The ride was suppose to be the first Wednesday of the month and due to the threat of rain, 90% (though it never did rain) last week, it was moved to the second Wednesday, this week. So at 6pm 5 of us met at a park and headed towards the trails. Right as we arrived at the trail head we heard a rumble of thunder. Instead of working skills we decided to head into the woods and ride the trails before it stormed. We rode for awhile and when we were near another trail head we had to decide whether to leave or to keep riding (riding would be headed in the direction of the car it just would take longer). Well we decided to keep riding, severe thunderstorms hadn't been forecasted and when I had checked the weather before leaving there was no rain let alone storms anywhere close, keep riding was probably not a good choice, but hindsight is 20/20. Well at some point it started to rain and the thunder started to get worse, I was starting to get a little scared and was riding as fast as I could. As we continued to head towards the direction of the car the rain got worse, so much so I could barely see because of all the water in my eyes and I felt like I was in the shower. The trails at this point were becoming mini creeks and there seemed to be so much water everywhere and the storm was getting really bad. We finally made it to a trail head, but at this point the lightening was intense and it was too dangerous to head towards the cars since it would require us to ride in a large open space. So we left our bikes on the trail, walked up a little hill and squatted down underneath a sapling and waited for the storm to pass. It was quite scary, we were stuck out in the woods, soaking wet, freezing cold, there was no cell phone service, we couldn't get back to the car, couldn't do anything but listen to the thunder that seemed to be getting louder and closer and pray that we would stay safe and make it out unharmed. When it seemed like an eternity had passed it became brighter and the thunder seemed to be going away from us we started making it back to the car. The field right before the parking lot was flooded and looked like a river, I know understand how a flash flood can suddenly appear and sweep everyone and everything away. I finally made it back to the car and called Jeff and my mom to tell them I was okay. As I was driving home and seeing all the trees that had fallen and discovering we were out of power I realized how bad of a storm it was, so bad that a tree fell in my mom's neighborhood and she had no electricity for 24 hours, we didn't have power ourselves for almost 12 hours, which is a long time, I don't think we have ever been out of power for that long. There were tons of trees down on our side of town and some areas look like a war zone and just thinking about how I was outside during this makes me so thankful I am safe. Lesson learned: at the first sign of a storm, seek shelter the quickest way possible! So my first mountain bike ride in 3 years was very memorable, one I will probably never forget, it was nice being out in the woods on a bike again and I hope to do it again soon, just with better weather.

balance

2010-06-14T06:55:00.000-04:00

I having a hard time finding balance and haven't had time for anything lately.
After a month of nothing I have been getting project after project for the job I accepted in April, the work is great because we really really need the income right now it is just a lot of work and every available Lily free moment has been spent working on it. I also had an anatomy exam last Tuesday so every other available second was studying and trying to learn all of the origins, inserts, innervations, and actions of all the muscles of the back, trunk, abdomen, and arm, well not all, 53 give or take. So if every Lily free moment has been spent on work or studying the laundry has not been folded, the floors have not been moped, the rugs have not been vacuumed, the bathroom hasn't been cleaned and the list goes on and on. So by this weekend the house was a disaster especially since the kitchen got a bit behind in cleanliness since I am in class on Tuesdays and Thursdays and a certain male figure lacks the ability to clean up after dinner and watch the kids. I keep telling myself that this busyness is just a short situation, especially since Anatomy will be over in a week and every project for work could be the last one for awhile, but in the moment it is hard to find balance and the whole process has got me thinking about how time management is so important and I have got to figure out how to best manage my time so that I can get things done but also be there for the kids not just there in the physical sense, but there mentally. Kind of ironic, you always want what you can't have, I wanted projects for work and wanted to take graduate school classes, but now that I have and am, I don't really, well at least not at the same time. Why is it that life seems to be all or nothing sometimes? Oh and did I mention my goal of waking up early has failed to help me get on track because the kids are now getting up early? In fact, right now Lance is calling for me from the other room, no rest for the weary, 18 more days till our week at the beach, after the chaos of life right now I can't wait, especially if I will have my work paycheck by then.

endings

2010-05-27T15:57:00.000-04:00

this week has been full of endings.
the end of LOST.
but much more importantly, the end of Lance's first year of preschool.
This year has been an incredible year for Lance.
He increased his vocabulary hundredfold.

He developed his social skills.

He learned about shapes, colors, numbers, letters, nursery rhymes and that is just the stuff I could figure out from his limited vocabulary.

He made a best friend.

He became even more independent.

He made all kinds of art, I now have quite a collection.
He just loved school
and I am so happy for him, but a little sad because he is growing up way too fast.
Can he just stay in preschool forever? you know it is fun, he learns things and there aren't the pressures of tests and the class size is small, it is the perfect learning environment.
What is the Noggin saying about "why can't everyday be like preschool?" it is so true.

Top Ten Really Interesting Things I Have Learned in Anatomy

2010-05-18T16:44:00.004-04:00

Actually the title should be Top 10 Interesting Things I Have Learned in Anatomy that Aren't Going to be On the Exam

Human Anatomy is kicking my butt, there is so much information and so many body parts it is ridiculous. My first exam is Thursday, it was tonight, but thankfully the professor pushed it back a class period. The exam is 104 questions plus 1 critical thinking essay (he will injure a body area and we have to explain body parts affected, i'm scared!). 104 questions that cover the anatomical body regions/cavities, the skin, the nervous system, cranial and spinal nerves, the cardiovascular system, including tons of arteries and veins to major areas of the body, the skeleton, and tonight we will cover joints. So through 3 hours of lecture twice a week I have learned some really interesting stuff so here's my top 10 really interesting things I have learned in Anatomy that probably won't be on the exam, but I have learned it and probably won't forget it:

10- that mammary glands are modified sweat glands, though they are very different knowing they are similar is kind of weird after nursing two kids

9- at age 40 you have completely ossified, basically it takes 40 years for your skeleton to be complete!

8- you are born with approximately 270 bones, by age 40 you have only 206 (bones fuse together and not just in the skull)

7- one nerve cell can be 2 meters long such as in a really tall basketball player where a nerve can run from their toe to their spinal cord

6- your spinal cord is the length of the vertebral column when you are a child, but it ends at lumbar vertebrae 1 as an adult and so nerves have to stretch to reach their origin openings once the spinal cord stops growing, I thought it was the length of the vertebral column

5- the hypoid bone is in the neck and isn't attached to any other bones, in a CSI situation if it is broken you were strangled

4-the fibula's purpose is to stabilize the ankle, it can be used a donor bone if needed and you can still walk/run fairly normally even it is removed (fibula is in the lower leg)

3- a doctor or health professional could identify the location of a spinal injury based on touching different areas the skin and a lack of touch and making it according to the dermatome would identify the area of injury, basically areas of the body are divided into dermatomes (regions of nerve sensitivity) and lack of sensitivity can pinpoint where damage to the spinal cord/vertebral column is, fascinating stuff

2- despite how complicated we are there are two options for body organs they either contract or secrete, seems so easy yet we are so complicated

1- that blood from organs in the abdominal cavity (mainly organs associated with digestion) gets filtered through the liver before it returns to the heart, the liver filters out toxins as everyone knows, but it also filters out excess glucose. the liver is glucose storage for the brain, it stores about 12 hours of glucose so the brain will have glucose (food energy) for the fast of night or anytime we aren't eating, after 12 hours are body starts breaking down fats, never thought about how the body adapts to sleep/resting periods or times when food might not be consumed

So Anatomy is the one of the hardest classes I have taken, a lot of information really fast, and I haven't mentioned the worst part- cadavers, it has been three weeks and I am still uncomfortable and next week we begin dissection, this is only a 7 week class, almost halfway through, I think I can, I think I can.

a room with a view

2010-05-16T17:07:00.000-04:00

so it isn't oceanfront, but I can still see the ocean

and the view is pretty interesting

wishing this view was a bit longer than 1 night, but I will enjoy it while I have it.

not the mother's day I had in mind

2010-05-09T17:02:00.001-04:00

is not about being showered with gifts and pampered today, this mother's day is about mothering and trying to survive even when you feel the worst.
I have strep throat and though I should be feeling better I am still not 100%, probably because I did not sleep well last night, I could not go to sleep and despite falling asleep sometimes after 1am I still got up at the usual 7 am, I am as bad as my kids.
And the way life goes, Jeff was doing sound at church this morning so he had to leave by 8 and was gone until almost 1pm leaving me, exhausted not feeling great with two kids for the morning. Lance, last night was running a fever and this morning it was back, probably strep throat since I have it, but it could be something else. One of his eyes doesn't look to good either, hopefully not pink eye, but it looks like it. I tried to take him to an immediate care clinic this morning, but they would not accept his insurance and I didn't want to pay the $123 when I could just wait until tomorrow. So I have been giving him Motrin and Tylenol regularly in hopes of keeping his fever down and just waiting until tomorrow when I can take him to the doctor.
All in all, this mother's day is not what I had planned or even expected, but I guess that is what motherhood really is all about. Maybe next year, and then again maybe not.

all the hype money can buy

2010-05-08T11:58:00.000-04:00

strawberry season

2010-05-06T14:29:00.001-04:00

After preschool on Tuesday we headed up to go pick strawberries.

It was a beautiful afternoon, not too hot and since it was Tuesday it wasn't crowded.

At one point we were the only ones there picking.

Lance was a good helper, he picked strawberries and really enjoyed searching for the perfect one.

Lily just ate and ate and ate. She was taking them out of my box faster sometimes then I could get them in.

Despite the kids short attention span we managed to pick 20 pounds worth.

The strawberries taste so good and make the grocery store ones seem like they are cardboard.

So we will eat our fill, freeze some, and go back for more because strawberry season only lasts a month and you got to get them while the getting is good.

good things

2010-05-03T13:52:00.000-04:00

Good things:
1- in 60 days we will be heading down to Topsail Island for a week at the beach, can't wait

2-there's a trade show May 16-18 at Wrightsville Beach and we are hoping to go and stay at the SunSpree Resort, I am hoping and praying that everything works out because I really want to go!

3- I scored some great finds at some yard sales Saturday morning
a- a Flip-N-Fold to replace the one that burned up in the fire at the shop and it really is great at folding shirts especially in a retail environment
b- a really cute Old Navy jumper for Lil for $1
c- a Cars inflatable air mattress/sleeping bag for Lance for $1 (new $34 and this is in great shape!)
d- 2 long sleeve shirts and a pair of swim trunks for Lance for a total of $1.50
e- How I Became A Pirate, hardcover for $1
f- A Counting Train Puzzle for Lance for $3, that was my splurge
g- Princess Mega-Block Carriage for Lily for $3, my splurge for her
and a few other items, some good finds, love yard sale season!

4- my first biology graduate class starts tomorrow, Human Anatomy, excited and scared all at the same time, the professor uses cadavers in the class and its a night which is a little creepy, but I should learn a whole lot

5- my allergies which have been horrible the last couple of days are improving, this pollen season has been rough and I hope it is mostly over

6- enjoying the warm weather and look forward to summer

how did this happen?

2010-04-28T12:54:00.000-04:00

When did my baby girl get to be such a big girl?

20 months going on 20 years?

a weekend of celebration

2010-04-27T10:42:00.000-04:00

trains, trains and even more trains

this past weekend we celebrated Lance's 4th birthday and the theme of course was Trains

On Thursday Lance celebrated his birthday at school with a special train shaped treat and the birthday crown

Then Saturday six of his friends came over for a birthday party, the weather was a little less then ideal, cloudy and chilly the kids still had fun playing out in the yard

The kids really liked the look of the train cake, but didn't really eat much of it, not enough icing for most 3/4 year olds

Lance had a great time with all his friends

and all his new toys, especially the nerf dart gun, not my favorite, but he is being so good about not aiming it at other people, I hope he will continue to obey that rule

Sunday evening was a party with the family and he got his big present, he came over to help Gigee get the presents out of the van

and he was shocked to discover there was a PowerWheel inside for him

it took him a second to realize it really was for him, very cute

and his birthday wishes all came true

It was a jam packed weekend, but we were able to stop and enjoy ourselves. I am a little sad my little baby boy is such a big boy, time flies and I can't believe how much he has grown and changed. I am so thankful for him and had a great time celebrating 4 years of Lance.

I was thinking

2010-04-24T15:26:00.000-04:00

A blogger I read regularly was blogging about tolerance and the lack there of these days and it got me thinking. Where has the love gone? Or did humans ever have it? I heard about this project and it is really cool, but at the same time sad because people aren't loving other people. This especially sad when I think about how many "Christians" are in this city, heck in this country, yet acts of kindness are few and far between. Sometimes is just seems like Christianity is more about politics, conversions, and being a Pharisee and not about showing love to the unlovable and passing on a random act of kindness. Maybe things aren't as bad as they seem, maybe things are the way they have always been, but thinking about it makes me want to change, to make a difference, be a part of the bigger story.

why can't things just be simple

2010-04-22T15:54:00.000-04:00

Everything seems to be so darn complicated these days.
For example:
1- Last night we went to Toys'R'Us to buy party supplies because I had a 25% off coupon, well of course they didn't have enough plates so I went to the party store close by and finished getting what I needed. Well I thought I had a pretty good deal until we went to Target and discovered that Target was at least 50 cents cheaper then the sale items at Toys'R'Us and the party store so that meant another trip to return everything when I had hoped to be done shopping for that kind of thing last night. The return saved me at least $5 and I had to go back to the party store anyways to get the coloring books I decided to use as party favors so I didn't necessarily lose my savings from the gas and time, but it was still annoying.
2- I went to the party store this morning and of course the coloring book I wanted to buy didn't have as many copies as I need. I ended up purchasing two copies of the one I wanted and 6 copies of the more expensive one. Then when I went to pay for the coloring books I noticed that the expensive books rang up $4.99 although they were marked $3.99 so I had to wait for a manager to come and override and system and do a whole bunch of changing all the while trying to keep Lily from getting to the candy and pulling off all the disposable cameras off their hooks, not fun.
3- This morning Lily and I also got our bangs trimmed. I pulled into the parking space in front of the salon, got Lily out, and as I was walking around the car I heard a hissing sound coming from the tire. Knowing that I had more errands to run I had to call Jeff to come and change my tire. I know how to change a tire, but I lack the strength to loosen the lug nuts and I don't want to even try and change a tire and wrangle a 20 month old. So twenty minutes of solo child time was lost getting a tire changed since it took the twenty minutes we were getting our hair done for Jeff to get to us. Too bad we went close to home or the tire could have been changed while we were in the salon, but the way life goes, Jeff arrives right when we were finished.
4- Tuesday I had to go pay for my summer graduate classes, and right before I headed over to the school, but after I had run several errands I realized the credit card I was going to use to pay for the classes was missing. I searched the car, searched my bag, and retraced my steps and after wasting 30 minutes of driving around to all my previous locations I realized it had slipped down between the seat and the door, though I thought I looked there multiple times.
5- Yesterday at Food Lion I didn't have with me my MVP card and after trying to use my phone number the cashier who was of little help asked the lady behind me for help, fortunately she was able to put in her number and I was able to get my savings, though it would have been a whole faster had the lady just swiped an MVP card many cashiers have on hand, or at least the ones at my regular Food Lion do. Well to pay for my purchase I had wanted to use my gift card, but it is a bit peculiar and the last two times the cashier had to punch in the number. I tried to explain this to the cashier after swiping it once and receiving an error message, but she didn't seem to believe me and repeatedly tried to get the card to swipe. I was irritated at the cashier for her insistence that the card should be swiped and finally gave up and wrote a check. After all this I realize that both of my children are kneeling by the candy and Lance is starting to unwrap a package of gum. What should have taken a minute ended up taking 5 minutes and I was thoroughly annoyed, why couldn't the lady just punch in the gift card number so I could move along like I tried to tell her?

Things have just been extra complicated and difficult this week and I don't know what is going on, why can't things just go simply or smoothly, does everything have to be an ordeal?

time to bust out the survival skills

2010-04-19T09:10:00.000-04:00

This week is going to be a busy one.
Today:
-play group
-laundry
-finish cleaning up from last night's dinner with friends
-start cleaning up the house
Tomorrow:
-lance has school
-pay for summer courses and buy books
-garden day with my mom
-buy party supplies for Lance's 4th birthday
-finish questions for Wednesday morning's small group
Wednesday:
-I'm providing snack for small group so I have to make something
-small group in the morning
-order food for b-day party
Thursday:
-lance has school in the morning
-IEP meeting for Lance in the afternoon
-bake train cakes for Lance's birthday
Friday:
-speech for Lance in the am
-decorate train cake for party
-clean house and prepare for party
-evening at the children's museum w/my mom
-wrap presents
Saturday
-get ready for party!
-lance's birthday party
-clean up and prepare for family celebration tomorrow
Sunday
-church
-Lance's 4th Birthday
-going out to eat with family and even more cake and ice cream at home afterwards
Monday
-the circus
and I think I am forgetting something there, hmmmm, I think there is something else Thursday evening, but I can't remember what it is right now
so lots of fun and busyness, I can't believe that my baby boy is going to be 4, he is growing up so fast

there are worse things

2010-04-15T17:26:00.000-04:00

I know there are worse things then your child not measuring up to their peers and being label special ed, but it still is a little upsetting.
Lance has been receiving speech therapy through the city school system for a year and a half now and his progress has been slow especially at preschool. Lance's speech therapist wanted him evaluated to make sure there wasn't any other problems other than a speech delay so after a visit to the developmental pediatrician, a battery of intelligence tests, several observations, and telephone interviews we had an eligibility meeting for Lance and he was found eligible for additional special education services. So now in addition to weekly speech therapy, he will have weekly sessions with the occupational therapist (to develop his fine motor skills especially the correct way to hold a pencil) and help in the preschool classroom with a special education teacher (hopefully to improve his language skills with his peers as well as adaptive classroom skills). Lance will be 4 next week, but his expressive language is that of a 2.5 year old. This delay in expressive language is starting to impact his social and classroom skills which is concerning. I hope that his current struggles are not a indication of his learning abilities in the future because we have a whole lot of school ahead of us. So though it could be worse, I am still upset at the struggles Lance faces and that he isn't the normal practically 4 year old boy. School is difficult especially for boys and starting out behind everyone doesn't make things any easier especially with No Child Left Behind or in other words: No Child Shall Be Left Untested.