summer screen time

It is officially summer vacation.  Lance's last day of school was yesterday and so summer fun has begun.  Trying to keep the kids busy and occupied and away from electronics has also begun.  This year, like last year, we are limiting the kids screen time because both of them could easily spend the whole day on the ipad or playing video games if they were left to their own devices.  Trying to keep up with how much time they have watched as well as trying to explain to them that they are out of time is difficult so we came up with screen time tickets.  We decided that 1.5 hours of screen time a day is sufficient, watching a movie as a family in the evening is an exception to the rule.  I made each kid four tickets, 2- 30 minute tickets and 2-15 minute tickets.  When they want to play or watch they give me a ticket, when the tickets are gone, the screen is gone too.  It is a great way for the kids to understand why I won't let them watch anymore since they can see there are out of tickets and for me to keep up with what they have done.  Also the 15 minute tickets are used for discipline, first time you get a warning, second time I get 15 minutes of screen time and the next day they only get 3 tickets or less.  Having tickets also teaches them time management.  Today Lance has already used up all his tickets by 9 am, in a few weeks he will probably be saving 30 minutes for late afternoon. 

I also made extra tickets because I have a tendency to lose these especially when the kids are handing them to me at 6:30 in the morning before I am fully awake.

the waiting game

All I can do is wait and it is driving me crazy.  I don't like the unknown.  I am a descendant of a family of worriers though I'm trying to fight it, it seems to be in my DNA and in I can't help it.
I hating waiting and I hate the unknown. I also hate waiting on the unknown.
When I quit teaching seven years ago, I swore I was never going back to teaching, I am possibly about to eat my words.  I quit not knowing the economy was going to go downhill in 2008, that our business was going to burn down in 2009 during a lapse of insurance, that health insurance would be more than our mortgage and bills combined, and that we would not be able to live off of the store's income.  I had faith back then that everything would work out and we would prosper.  We haven't prospered, we have survived, barely.  I am so thankful that my mom has been there for us, to pull us up out of the water when we were drowning.  Treading water is not way to live, it is very stressful and having your income dependent on the whims of Internet-loving-customers is darn right scary (but that is a post for another day).  The bottoms line, I am tired of being poor, of getting behind on bills, on not having savings, on being one crisis away from losing it all.  I am so thankful that we haven't had any major health or home crisis, but we are playing roulette and in one instant we could lose it all, and that is a very scary place to be.  So Lily is finishing up her last year of preschool and I am looking for a full time job with benefits because I am tired of being in this place.
These last two years I have been teaching part time at the community college, it is what I have always wanted to do and I love it.  I love the freedom and the diversity and well everything about it.  In the fall I was disappointed because I knew that when Lily started Kindergarten I wanted to find a full time job and since they had just hired a new instructor they weren't going to be hiring when I wanted a job.  Right before Thanksgiving an instructor quit and this gave me an opportunity to teach 3 classes (4 is full time) and an opening this fall.  I applied for the full time position the day the job was posted (March 5th) and have been waiting to hear something since the job closing date (March 25th).  I haven't heard a thing and it is KILLING ME!  It really wasn't bad before this week because I was busy with classes and I really didn't expect for anyone to make a decision until after classes were over with, but now that classes are over with, every day is agony.  The last two days have been rainy and cold and I haven't had anything to do, but worry about getting a job, it has been awful.  I don't think I have ever wanted a job so much.  I am in such agony over the situation because I feel that this is my only chance, if they don't hire me now they never will.  I don't feel good enough for the job, but I want it so badly, I really love teaching biology and teaching it without all the BS that comes with public school.  Speaking of public school, I am applying to teach at the high school as well though there aren't currently any openings.  I don't want to, but I want a job with benefits and honestly I feel like that is all I am good enough for.  So today I am going to focus on getting things together to teach high school again, updating my teaching license, finishing the application essays, and focusing on the positives.  
I hate not knowing what the future holds and what I should do with my life and waiting.  I keep trying to pump myself up for disappointment so maybe it won't hurt so much. 
The reason I hate waiting is because there is nothing I can do, I don't have control over the situation.  I need to let go, bend so I won't break, it shows I still have a lot to learn.