the longest post ever- DC edition

Friday afternoon we packed up the car and headed up to D.C. for the weekend. We had plans to go to the Natural History Museum, the Solar Decathlon, Tysons Corner, and the new Air and Space Museum.  We arrived at my aunt and uncles house way after the kids bedtime so we basically went straight to bed after arrival.  The next morning we got up, got ready, and took the metro downtown.

 (waiting for the metro)

The metro was packed due to the National Book Festival, a Nickelodeon Festival, the Solar Decathlon, as well as scheduled maintenance. Supposedly trains were entering the city every 20 minutes. Our metro stop was the third stop from the beginning and was crowded when we got on. At each stop more and more people tried to cram in, we were packed in there like sardines, I don't know how city dwellers handle the crowds on a daily basis.  We got the National Mall and took a shuttle to the Solar Decathlon.

(the first house we toured)

We went through a couple of the solar houses before it started to get crowded and the kids, well Lily got bored with the houses.  It is evident from touring these houses that that students create these because several of the houses were just impractical for real living, especially with a child (or two).  There were some really good ideas and I was impressed with Purdue University's house, it was the only one we toured that actually looked livable.  Several of the houses had beds that would fold down and one even had an office table/workspace that would fold out into a bed, though a great idea, not very practical.  It is hard enough to make the bed every day, I can't imagine making it and folding it up too.   I tried to convince Jeff to continue to tour the houses while we entertained the kids with something else, but he didn't listen so we all walked through the FDR memorial.  

(Lily and the FDR memorial, she was a little hesitant to approach the dog) 

The FDR memorial was beautiful and HUGE! I thought it was only one waterfall and statue area, but then it kept going and going (4 areas, 1 for each term).  Though I don't know that much about history and I have a lot of respect for FDR, he is one of my favorite presidents.

(walking along the Tidal Basin) 

We walked along the Tidal Basin from FDR to the new Martin Luther King memorial.  The MLK memorial is quite impressive.  If I remember correctly he is looking towards the Lincoln Memorial where he made history.  

(Martin Luther King from the side)

I don't know how they carved the statue or memorial, but I was amazed by how detailed the carving was, the veins on his hands were visible, it was quite impressive. 

(in front of the closed Washington Memorial, it has been closed due to damage from the earthquake)

After the MLK memorial we walked back over to the National Mall.  We looked for the supposed large crack in the memorial caused by the earthquake, there was one, I just don't know if it was there from the earthquake or just from time.  We passed the White House and the WWII memorial on the way.  By the time we made it to the Natural History Museum we were starving so we grabbed lunch in the museum, big mistake.  The cafe in the museum was extremely crowded and the food was ridiculously expensive.  For five us to eat it cost $43 and we only got 2 sandwiches, 1 chicken tenders, 3 drinks, and a cup of fries.  I do have to admit the sandwich was good, but I don't know about $10 good.  We toured Natural History Museum while my mother went to the National Book Festival.  When Jeff and I were exhausted we headed out to the Festival and went to the PBS kids tent to get our picture taken with the Cat in the Hat.

(Lance and I with the Cat in the Hat)

We headed back to the house for a rest and then went to Tysons Corner for dinner and a little shopping.  We didn't do much shopping since the kids were worn out, but we did hit up the Lego store (Lance's pick) and the American Girl store (Lily's).  I love the Lego store especially there $8 tub of Legos that you can pick out, brilliant!  Lily loved the American Girl store, but she pitched the biggest temper tantrum of her life when we tried to leave and she realized she had to leave the doll and the stroller she was pushing around behind, it was quite embarrassing.  Within five minutes of being belted in the car, the kids were asleep so we decided to drive back downtown and see all the monuments at night.  Washington at night is so beautiful.  I don't want to think about how much energy is wasted on lighting up the monuments and capital, but it is pretty nonetheless.

(the Capital at night, the side facing the National Mall) 

It is funny to look at the pictures I took especially the ones at night because the sky looks black, back at my aunt and uncle's house the sky doesn't look black, it was kind of orange and grey, you could see the light shining from the city.  I didn't realize until then how bright the city is at night, once again I was appreciate of our little city where it gets dark and you can see stars.

 (A little monument in Arlington with the Big Monument in the distance, near the top of cemetery)

Sunday morning we got up and decided to go to Arlington National Cemetery.  We chose Arlington because we were a little tired of all the crowds and figured that no one would be at a cemetery on a Sunday morning, well we were wrong.  When we arrived there were masses of people headed in and there were many tour buses parked as well.  We headed into the cemetery with all the crowds and learned that there was a Peace Corp rally going on in the cemetery and that is why it was so packed.  Who would have thought. 

 (Arlington National Cemetery, as far as I could see there were thousands of graves)

We walked all the way up to Robert E. Lee's house and stopped at the Kennedy's grave, we then headed over to the Tomb of the Unknown. Arlington is a beautiful place with amazing views of Washington. It was also very peaceful. I was blown away by how the shear number of graves, At one point I looked to my left and for as far as I could see there were just rows and rows of graves of men and women who served in our military, I was blown away.

(Tomb of the Unknown) 

We stopped by the Tomb of the Unknowns.  There are sign posted throughout the cemetery that say please to be quiet and respectful for this is hallowed ground, the Tomb of the Unknowns was definitely hallowed ground.  It seems like now respect is something that our culture has lost and seeing the respect and tradition continue is indescribable.  Having someone guarding the tomb 24 hours a day through all kinds of weather and having to do the same montomous routine constantly shows so much respect.   Even Lance who doesn't understand hallow ground was quiet and seemed to know that this area was special.  After walking all the way and then back down Arlington we headed out to Dulles for the new Air and Space Museum.

 (the new Air and Space Museum at Dulles)

 

 (Jeff watching a plane coming in for a landing from high up in the observation tower)

I could watch the airplanes take off and land all day, I think I am just amazed that these huge, heavy vehicles can fly in the air.  I loved the observation tower and watching the planes land, being eye level with these huge planes that are coming in from all over the world is just amazing.  I am drawn to airports and airplanes, not sure why, I just am.  After watching planes land we headed down and admired the variety of airplanes on exhibit at the museum.   We saw the Enola Gay (the plane that dropped the first atomic bomb), the space shuttle Endeavor (it was a lot shorter, but taller than I expected, as well as the Concorde (it had the smallest windows).

It was an extremely busy weekend and though I would like to do it again, just not anytime soon, I am still tired.

it's either going to be really good or

really bad.

We have made plans to go to D.C. for the weekend.  I am kind of looking forward to it, and kind of not.  I like to travel and do things, but I do not like getting out of our routine and dealing with overly tired and stimulated grumpy children.   We are going up to see the Solar Decathlon that opens on Saturday, we stumbled upon it a few years ago when they were building the houses and vowed we would come back during an exhibition period so we could REALLY see the houses.  We also might hit up the zoo or the natural history museum, we haven't quite decided yet, either one will be fun, a lot depends on the crowds and weather.  This weekend is the National Book Festival so the National Mall might be a madhouse that we want to avoid.  I am looking forward to getting away and doing something fun and I hope and pray we have a great weekend.   With school for everyone life has been busy and getting away is a fun adventure to break up the dull.  Jeff and Lance are disappointed we aren't staying in a hotel, but why stay in one room when we can stay with my aunt and uncle and have the upper floor of their house?  Though the possible attached metro stop and cable tv of a hotel sounds pretty nice, having to be in one room and having to find food for every meal is not (my aunt and uncle live down the street from an Einstein bros. bagel and our faithful standby, Panera).  I am the planner and it is hard trying not to plan every minute of this trip because I don't want to be disappointed if we don't get it all done and I want to enjoy the moment and not be focusing on what's next (what I have a tendency to do).  So today will be laundry and cleaning and packing since I can't bear to leave a messy house and we are heading out tomorrow after school.  I don't realize how much of a homebody I am until it is time to go away and I kind of don't want to go, but I have a stronger desire to not be someone who never goes anywhere and this desire will help me to pack up my bags and leave.  So though this trip could be really good or really bad, it might just be alright and that's why we are heading out, because why stay at home and do nothing when you can go ride a "train"  aka the metro?

nervous eye twitch

I have been up for two hours now and I am a bit nervous, so much so I think I could develop an eye twitch.  This morning I have an appointment to see if I am a candidate for corrective eye surgery, Lasik.  I am terrified.  Even though I have shoved a hard piece of plastic into each eye for the last 20 years the thought of eye surgery makes me queasy, I have a hard time putting in eye drops.  For years I prayed that one day I would wake up and would be able to see, so just maybe this is the answer to my prayers.  I have wanted eye surgery for years, but I have been too terrified, but I decided it is now or never and I have an initial evaluation today.  If I pass the tests then I will have to go without my contacts for six weeks.  Six weeks, that is a long time and it is going to be rough and after several weeks it will be no going back since the callous on my eye will go away and wearing contacts will be unbearable.  The thought of being able to open my eyes in the middle of the night and being able to see, or to open my eyes underwater, or to be able to see clearly at night seems like a miracle, and I think worth the fighting the fear.  I have had glasses since I was four years old, so basically I haven't been able to see most of my life and not having glasses or contacts is a totally new concept for me.   I really want to get this done and hope that I can get past my eye issues, but I also hope that I am even a candidate.  So this morning will be my first test, they are going to numb my eyes and test to see how thick my cornea is, the thought makes me want to close my eyes, but I have to fight against instinct.  So here's goes nothing.


Afternoon update:
So it looks like no surgery for me.  I was really upset this morning, but I am getting over it now.  My eyes really are that bad.  That really doesn't explain it, my eyes are really bad and my cornea (the part they alter in surgery) are thin, but actually they are just not thick enough to do enough correction.  I am a candidate for surgery, but it will not improve my eyesight enough to be able to go without correction. I would still need contacts and glasses to see, my prescription would not be as strong, but I would still have to have something to drive and live life clearly.  One of the things that kind of set me off was, the doctor said that my eyesight would be good enough for around the house.  
Around the house, that is real helpful since I am never home and I can technically get by around my house without glasses or contacts now since it is my house and I could get around blindfolded, but that is just me being silly.  Besides why would I endure one the worst things I can think of (having someone cut my eye) for better vision, but nothing close to perfect vision.  Best case scenario they could correct me to 20/40, but even that is best case scenario and may not happen.  So I am extremely disappointed, more so than I thought, I guess because it just brings up all the self consciousness I have had about my eyesight that I have had for most of my life.  I have always hated glasses and having to wear contacts.  I have always hated how thick the lens of my glasses are (even when they are as thin as they can) and how my glasses make my eyes look microscopic.  So unless the technology improves  am stuck with the glasses and contacts.   
It is hard not to fall into into the "why can't something be easy for me" mindset and to focus on the positives, I have a job, a husband, two beautiful kids, a house, a nice car, and many other good things.

not what I expected

I dropped Lance and Lily off at school this morning and then I headed over the community college to get a few things done before class since I wasn't fully prepared for lecture and I needed to photocopy some things as well.  I began to think about how this summer I was looking forward to the extra time I was going to have in the morning while the kids were in school and about all the things I could get done around the house.  I never imagined that I would be working.  So instead of being at home Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings getting things done, maybe crafting, maybe cleaning and organizing, maybe cooking, I am off to work.  I am still in shock by how quickly this job came about.  Though my class isn't till 11 and I do not technically have to leave the house until 10:20, maybe 10:30, I always leave sooner since an hour and half doesn't give a lot of project time.  I had been looking forward to my mornings alone for months prior to school starting, but I am not though disappointed.  Even though this teaching job has had a rocky start, I like going and being around people and having something to do.  I like having school work and studying, I enjoy having to use my brain.  As a result of working, I appreciate the time I have with the kids more, especially Lily and I's two morning together. I also appreciate the weekends more because they mean so much more now.  This winter I hope to appreciate snow days more as well.  I am also excited that I am once again regularly contributing financially to our family especially since my other job is not regular or I should say has not been this year (I was super busy last year, but this year there has been very little).  So overall life is crazy and busier than ever, but it is good, and I am so thankful.

true story

Friday night I was at my mother's house helping her prepare for her yard sale.  My mom and the kids had left to go grab some fast food for dinner so I had a few things I needed to get done while they were out so I was working as quickly as possible.  I finished the signs and I needed to superglue a knob onto a dresser.  I had a new bottle of superglue and I kept trying to open it but was having problems.  When I finally got it open it spilled out onto my hands.  I thought it was just two fingers on my left hand so I figured no big deal and went downstairs to glue the knob to the dresser.  I glued the knob down and then realized I also had superglue on my right hand.  Superglue had poured out of the bottle and I had superglued three fingers to the bottle.  Fortunately I had remembered from something I had seen on TV that acetone and ran to find some.  It was difficult opening my mother's bedroom door and cabinet with one completely nonworking hand (right hand was glued to superglue bottle) and one had which had two fingers superglued together, but I managed to find the acetone without gluing myself to anything else and headed downstairs.  I poured the acetone in a small plastic container and soaked my one hand in until my fingers came free. I felt confident that my other hand would be free just as easily, but pride comes before the fall.  I did not put the cap back on the superglue so when I put my hand in the acetone, the superglue in the bottle reacted with the acetone and my fingers did not come free.  I dipped a paper towel in fresh acetone and began working to free my fingers.  It took a lot longer to get the bottle and my fingers unstuck, I was almost near panic that I was stuck forever glued, but it finally came free.  My family did get a good laugh because they returned to see me trying to get the bottle off of my fingers, in hindsight I wish I would have taken a picture so I could remember my lesson to take my time.  I was in such a rush to get it done, but in the end it took longer to do then if I would have just been slow and methodical to begin with.  So yesterday I was sticking picking glue on my hands, and I had quite an exfoliating shower because the glue on my hands were quite rough when I was washing my face.  The good news is the glue worked on the dresser and everything cleaned up in the end.
My facebook status Friday night: 'bottle of acetone $0.99, bottle of superglue $1.99, staying calm after superglueing my fingers to the bottle, priceless."  so it wasn't entirely true since I did have a small moment of panic, but I did know what to do right after it happened and hopefully I won't do that again.

in the moment

Monday night we were watching some old videos of Lily as a baby and Lance as a 2 year old and I was saddened by how quickly they grow up, but actually I was more shocked by how much I had forgotten.  I had forgotten how Lily did a crab scoot and never really crawled in the traditional on all four sense.   I had forgotten how not only did Lance not talk, he didn't even try.   I forgot how darn cute Lily was (she still is, but she was baby cute with no hair and round cheeks) and how chubby she was, she is skinny mini now.
Monday, I spent way too much time trying to update quicken and on most days I am guilty of cleaning the house, working on school work or work, and other stuff and not in the moment with my kids.  I skimmed a blog post that someone posted about homeschooling blind spots and I was challenged to make sure that I am in the moment with my children.  It is kind of ironic that a homeschooling article would challenge me, but it did.  It reminded me what was important and what to focus on.  I tried yesterday and it wasn't always easy, the living room was messy and was calling to me, but we played Frisbee, the kitchen needed cleaning, but Lily and I took her baby for a walk, yesterday I struggled, but succeed, but it is a new challenge every day and hopefully I won't forget and can continue to be in the moment and cultivate a loving relationship with my children and not just the their driver and possibly dictator (of bedtime and schedules).

riding the bus made the afternoon so much

BETTER!
No stress of carpool line breakers and other carpool line frustrations that occur in the 15-20 minutes of carpool.
No waking up of Lily.
Life is good.
Now I just have to convince him to ride the bus tomorrow.

a long bus ride

I feel like a terrible parent because Lance is going to ride the bus home from school.  I feel terrible because it is a 30 minutes bus ride though it is only a 5-8 minute car ride.
I feel like a terrible parent, but then I feel terrible picking him up to.
Pros for riding the bus
-lily can take a long of a nap as she wants, i won't have to wake her up to go pick up lance and since she will have a long day at preschool this will be crucial for the rest of the afternoon
-it save my gas and time, I don't have to make an extra trip and wait in the carpool line, it is a 30 minute bus ride, it is 20 minutes of my time to drive over, wait in line, and drive home
-isn't it better for the environment, the bus is already going so why use my car
-it is better for my mental health, I am a bit fed up with parents behaving badly in carpool line, cutting in line, parking their car and holding up the line, etc.

Cons for riding the bus
-his bus is one of the last ones to arrive at school
-it is a 20-30 minute bus ride, we usually get home 15-20 minutes before the bus gets to our house
-he's my innocent sweet baby and there might be mean 5th graders and I am not there to protect him from mean children or from feeling afraid, this will be his first bus ride
-did i mention it was a long bus ride

Really the pros out weigh the cons especially since I will be picking Lily up from preschool between 1 and 1:30 which puts her down for nap around 2 which may not be enough time for rest if I have to get her up at 3:20 to go get Lance.

The thing I don't understand is why I feel so horrible about having him ride the bus.  He might actually like it.  Why do I feel like a bad mother?  Well we are going to try it tomorrow, I hope that he likes it, it would make life a bit easier some days, especially Wednesdays.

Labor Day

Labor Day, the unofficial last day of summer.
One of the more depressing days of the year.
I prefer Memorial Day, with the promise of summer, of new beginnings, with the daylight still increasing, with temperatures increasing, with vacations to countdown to, and things to look forward to.
Even though this summer was non-existent and far from spectacular, I still enjoyed it.
Summer seemed to fly by, but I guess that is what happens when you are in school every day for 7 weeks then vacation for one then back to work two weeks after that.
Even with Gram's passing and quite a few colds and illness, it wasn't horrible, I guess I just deal with things better when I can go lay in the sun at the pool.
Our house feels bigger in the summertime not all closed in and claustrophobic.
It is easier to get up in the morning since it isn't freezing cold and I prefer wearing less than more any day.

And then there is the beach, I love the beach and it just isn't the same when it is in the upper 70's compared to the upper 80's.

There are fun things to do in the fall and things I am looking forward to, I am just going to miss warm summer nights catching lightning bugs when it stays light until almost 8. I dread the days when darkness comes at 5

Looking back this summer, well at least August unlike a lot of the country was not very HOT, we didn't get a lot of pool use these last couple of weeks because it just wasn't hot enough.

But it is nice to be able to go outside with jackets and accessories.
And now that we are in the routine of school, life seems complicated, I miss summer already.
It doesn't help that this week the first week of unofficial fall will have highs in the upper 60's and lower 70's and be rainy so we will be banished to the house, but hopefully summer temperatures will return so we can have a proper goodbye.
I curse myself for complaining about the humidity yesterday, it was very warm and humid and come January 15th, I will long for that weather again.
So today we say good-bye to beach vacations, the pool, mosquitoes and gnats (yay!), playing outside until 8pm in the light, catching lightning bugs, weeknight adventures, the splashground/spraypark, hot and humid weather, warm early mornings spent on the porch, ceiling fans, the smell of rain and fresh cut grass, green leaves on the trees that provide much needed shade, fresh produce from the market, the constant roar of cicadas, and all the little things I take for granted, but miss terribly when they are gone.
I will look forward to pumpkins, apples, Halloween, hikes in the mountains with leaves of various shades, but I will look forward to next Memorial Day with the promise of an amazing summer ahead.
As I sit here on my porch, I am trying to take it all in so come February when I feel trapped inside I can have something to look forward. I can try and remember the purple and pink sky from the sun rising giving everything a pinkish tint (I have a hard time getting up early in the winter so I don't often see the sunrise like I do in summer). I want to remember the sound of the birds chatting in the trees and the cicadas droning on and on. The sound of distant cars driving pass by our neighborhood and occasionally down our street, it sounds different in the now then it will in a couple of hours when cars will be constantly coming and going. I will try and remember how the humid air seems thick, like you could swim or float through it and how the coolness is passing, not lingering all day.
Good-bye summer, don't stay gone forever.

1 year ago

Yesterday was a strange day. One year ago, Charles passed away. It seems like such a long time ago, yet not long at all.
It seems like such a long time when I think of all the differences a year makes:
I finished graduate school, well the classes for graduate school, last year I was not even halfway done.
I got a job teaching at the community college.
Lance can really talk now and he can write his name and he is attending Kindergarten at the school Charles was the principal of for twenty-five years, I think it was 25.
Lance can ride a bike without training wheels and is starting to skateboard.
Lily is now a little girl and not a baby anymore, she has so much to say and has so much personality, he would love her even more.
We have moved store locations to downtown and business has picked up.
Gram finally let go and passed on as well, which is sad, but also a relief since she lived everyday in fear and anxiety.
I would want to tell him about seeing a shark at the beach, and the earthquake, he would have loved all the television coverage, and I would love to know what he thought of the budget/debt crisis in Washington, he would have an opinion.
Since he was in a nursing home I can pretend that he is still there and we just haven't gone to see him lately, but when the realization that he isn't there comes back it hurts, I feel hollow. Time doesn't heal wounds, it just puts space between you and the hurt. It has been one year, Charles seems farther away then he did six months ago and as time goes on he will seem further and further away and I just wish I could hold on a little more longer, bring him a little closer. So we have made it one year without him and sadly we will make it many more. We are all doing okay, even my mom, but I wish Charles was still here, though his body was weak, his heart seemed to have so much more living to do. I miss him and I desperately hope he knew how much I loved him.

mommy guilt

This morning, my one of two mornings during with the week with just Lily I spent organizing paperwork.
Not the best idea, but in the afternoon I get so sleepy and tired, NOT that I am napping, but my motivation is gone and I REALLY needed to get this done, so while Lily played quietly by herself I organized paperwork.
I feel so much better now that things have been organized and I know what bills need to be paid when, but I feel guilty for not hanging out with Lily for an hour this morning.
Which reminds me.
I feel guilty for putting Lily in 3 day a week preschool.
I feel guilty for working.
I feel guilty for not always being fully engaged because I was studying or cleaning or others things that are not really important like email.
Mommy guilt, hate it, but I don't know how to fix things.
I have to work to pay bills and I like it. So then I feel guilty because I like working. I feel guilty that staying at home with her every day is not enough.
I could go on, but then I just might feel worse.
Did my mom or grandmother have mommy guilt or is it just the current societal pressure?