one week

when something suddenly happens time gets divided
for us there is BF, before the fire
life wasn't all roses before, but now, it is like some kind of innocence is lost, we took things for granted, we were naive, we were just like everyone else, now the world seems a bit darker


i still can't believe the shop burned to the ground
this past week we have gone a few times and recovered some things, some clothing, a signed pro skateboard, some old tax returns, a pair of snowboard boots, and some other random stuff which may or may not be salvageable



it has only been a week, but i am ready for the owners of the building to tear it down, so I can get some closure and move on and maybe then i could drive down the road and not get a pit in my stomach
I am ready for our new location to be up and running and then maybe lance would stop saying "dadda all gone," we don't know how much he understands what is going on but he tells his own story of the store with gestures and sound effects, he gestures a large fire, makes siren noise, makes gesture and sound for water being sprayed, and then says "all gone," he also has been hard to deal with and I don't know how much is it just being a 3 year old and how much is his sensing things are a bit weird and we are preoccupied?
we all need to get past this

i am still amazed that a cigarette or match could destroy so much

so there are moments of being totally overwhelmed and moments of hope, it is such a roller coaster ride
this coming week, we will hopefully be enjoying the beach and get some time together to away from all the chaos of life at home, and hopefully we can forget about what is loss
I need to focus on the the future and what we do have
the t-shirt in the picture survived the fire (and doesn't stink like everything else seems to), amazingly,
I hope we too will come out of this mess looking bright and clean, only time will tell, but thanks to lots of prayers and love, I think we can, kind of like the little engine that could

we're celebrities

though i am not quite sure i want to be one.







http://www.newsadvance.com/lna/news/local/article/jefferson_business_center_store_owners_sift_through_rubble/17009/

http://www.newsadvance.com/lna/news/local/article/shopping_center_on_fire_on_u.s._221/16996/



i could add more, but i have to separate fighting children, everything is just un-real.

7.5 years gone in just minutes

Everything is so unbelievable, I would not believe it if I didn't see it for myself.
We were at my sister's house for my brother-in-law's birthday.
Jeff got a call that "scene 3" is on fire.
Jeff thought the caller was confused, didn't know what they were talking about.
Brother-in-law and his dad arrived back from getting the pizza, they said they saw lots of smoke in the direction of our store.
Jeff went off to investigate for himself.
As he was headed over he got a call from a reliable source that told him that indeed our store was on fire.
He parked and walked down to the shopping center.
The entire shopping center (6 businesses) were destroyed.
We lost all of our inventory, fixtures, personal items and the kicker, we didn't have insurance.
We were suppose to have moved to our new location week ago and he has insurance for the new location and the old insurance ran out.
We lost everything, but the debt.
7.5 years of work gone in minutes.
I still can't believe it is all gone.

i wish i knew his thought process

because he is so darn cute
Tonight after bath we put Lance in a diaper and pjs (bottoms and tops). After finishing the movie we started last night we headed upstairs for bed. He climbed up onto our bed while I went into the bathroom to get ready for bed.
While I was in the bathroom I heard him remove the tabs of his diaper. I asked him what he was doing, but I got no response, I just figured we put the diaper on too tight and he was adjusting it. After finishing up I walk into our bedroom and I discover Lance asleep in our bed with his thomas underwear on.
While I was in the bathroom he removed his pajama bottoms, taken off his diaper, put on his underwear, moved a pillow to the end of the bed (his spot in our bed), covered up with a towel (the only thing close to a blanket around) and fallen asleep. Too cute, he loves his thomas underwear!
So now I have a decision to make, do I keep on the underwear and risk an accident or do I try and put the diaper back on and hope he doesn't wake back up?

10 months

9 months to 10 months has been a busy month for the lily-bean
She has two front teeth
She can stand on her own and she can pull up into a standing position without assistant
She can walk with a little assistant- she isn't cruising on the furniture yet, but she is close
She is a great clapper, and is mastering waving good-bye
She also loves to dance and bob to the music
She makes all kinds of sounds, she is very vocal and it isn't just dadda
She plays with Lance, & it just melts my heart when they play together, usually it is very short lived, but I cherish the moment, no matter how fleeting it is
She is eating a lot more table food and loves to make a mess
She can climb stairs, yesterday she made it up 3, I grabbed her before she made it to step #4, she is fast and good, I was spoiled with Lance, he never climbed the stairs alone, but Lily, my little adventurer goes everywhere
She still does strange drag-a-leg crawl, but that is fine with me, it makes her a bit slower than the traditional crawl which makes my life easier
I am amazed at all the changes and a bit sad my baby is growing up so fast, her first year of life seems to be passing by so much faster than Lance's
Happy 10 Months Lily!
Ack! We are almost to 1 year!

glimpses of a rainy day

It was a pretty blah day. Cloudy and cool, a good day to spend in bed, though that is not possible to do with two kids. Today we hung around the house and rested, still recovering from vacation. I discovered Lance had tucked his trains underneath a pillow. I am not sure whether he was hiding them from Lily or just put them in their "home," either way it was too cute.

Lance's trains (from left to right) Gordon (the express), Henry (his newest from our trip north), Thomas (from Christmas), and Percy (his potty training reward).

Lance cheesing with his trains.

Lily showing off her newest trick- standing while clapping

So despite the blah day, we had a good time, hopefully tomorrow will have better weather and will get outside to play, it is summer after all.

from diapers to underwear, well sort of

The term potty training does not describe the transition from diapers to underwear.
Well it might for some parents, and I can say I was almost one of them. I got myself trained to recognize the signs that he may have to go and his schedule which resulted in myself being trained, so we tried a new approach. After a few attempts where I gave up easily I finally rolled up the rugs and got serious. My new approach to potty training was to let Lance go naked/or just underwear, be prepared to clean up, praise him like crazy when he went, and see what happens. He did GREAT especially after he figured out how to pee standing up and we nixed the potty and just used a potty seat. We had a few accidents, but overall he was doing great. It wasn't always easy, and cleaning up wasn't always fun, but overall he had more successes then failures. We started on a Wednesday afternoon and by Saturday we were going out to Target, out to dinner, and anywhere else we needed to go diaper-free. The following week at home he did great and then I decided to mix things up a bit and go out of town.
On the drive up I had put him in a diaper just because I didn't know how often I would stop, when we did stop he peed and didn't pee in his diaper at all, I was so proud of him! Once we got to my friend's house we had quite a large number of accidents, I think he was so busy playing with the boys he didn't want to stop and go, but fortunately all the accidents happened outside, why he didn't just pull down his pants and go in the yard is beyond me. Overall he did a great job, I bought him pull-ups for the in the car and sleeping and they never lost their pictures. On our day trip up to Pennsylvania, I even had to stop on the side of the road to let him pee after he told me he needed to go, I was so proud, he could have easily just peed in the pull-up. Things were going great until we went to visit my friend in Northern Virginia. They have a townhouse and though it has a half bath downstairs they use it for storage so the only bathroom available was upstairs and it was an ordeal running up to pee and poop. We almost didn't make it for one poop and there were quite a few times when he had to go and I let him use the kid potty downstairs and he ended up peeing all over the place since he insisted on standing up. Overall things were good until Thursday. Wednesday night Lance started running a fever, he had it off and on on Thursday and Friday. He wasn't eating and drinking a lot and he did not want to go to the potty. Saturday he was finally better and I put him back into underwear after a few days of pull-ups. I had a feeling when we went out that night I should put him in a pull-up, but I ignored it and we went out to dinner and to Target to go shopping. Lance was overdue for a poo and we could tell he would have to go soon based on his holding himself and the look on his face. We kept asking him if he needed to go and he kept saying no. Then he indicated he needed to go and Jeff and him took off for the restroom. Unfortunately, they didn't make it to the toilet in time. Lance pooped all over Jeff, himself, the floor, his shoes, everything. Poor kid, his stomach was upset and he finally had to go and boy did he ever. Jeff took him out to the car to try and clean him off, unfortunately, I had the diapers and wipes and I was in the store waiting for them. Jeff ended up flagging down a friend who came in to find me and I went out to help. We got everyone relatively clean off and decided to head home, I was afraid more diaper explosions would be on their way. We had to drive with the windows done the whole way to keep the smell from his clothes from overwhelming us. As soon as we got home Jeff and Lance took a shower and I washed his clothes and shoes in bleach and hot water, they were gross. Lance has not had any more incidents and has been in diapers or pull-ups all day yesterday and he didn't want to go to the potty, so we are currently digressing, but hopefully we will be diaper-free today and not let our setback ruin our progress.
The transition from diapers to underwear has been a roller coaster. One moment I am proud when he goes without my help to total frustration when I can tell he has to go, suggest he go, offer to help and then he pees on the floor. We are on the home stretch of this adventure and though I know we will have setbacks, I hope we have this mastered.

our trip northward

for almost a week the kids and I visited friends, saw the sights, celebrated a birthday, and had some fun, it was a jam packed week which we are now recovering from.

Lance has been wearing underwear and at the end of dinner he said he had to go so I took him in the bathroom while my friend made sure Lily didn't tip over in her bumbo. It was quite chaotic and at some point, don't know whose watch it was on, but Lily got a hold of her baby jar of peas and made quite a mess with herself.

Everyone was filthy and bathed. Lance had a good time in the bubble bath with Colin. We don't usually put in bubbles in the bath so a bubble bath was an extra special treat.

My friend had bought the boys matching pjs which they sported after bath, they looked very cute all matchy-match. Colin and Lance were wrestling in the hallway and Lily tried to get in on the play, she was fearless and tried so hard to stand up and join in.

Lily was just sitting on the carpet one moment and then laying face-down the next. She isn't asleep, I think she was just enjoying the wall-to-wall carpet that our house lacks.

The next day was the surprise birthday party so the kids and I played out back until the guest-of-honor arrived. My friend's children have two powerwheels and after some practice Lance had a blast going round and round and round the back yard. I think he would love to have one.

He drove the powerwheel around until the battery went dead and I had to pry him off of it to come and eat.

The birthday girl and her cake, it was really good too.

One morning Lily and I were up way too early and she was playing peek-a-boo with her blanket.

We went through Lancaster to get to the Strasburg Rail Road, the Amish buggies among the traffic fascinated me. I tried to get a picture of an Amish buggy in the drive-thru line at the bank, but I couldn't find my camera in time. Amish using banks, sounds like being a part of the modern world, don't understand it, but what every works.

One of my biggest chuckles was the horse parking at the outlet mall, it was right near Pottery Barn Kids. The Amish shop at Pottery Barn? Interesting.

The train was the biggest reason for our trip. I wanted Lance, lover of all things that go, especially trains to get to experience riding on a train.


We rode in the open-air car through the Pennsylvania countryside, it was beautiful and a lot of fun. The trip was 45 minutes, about as long as a toddler can stand to be confided, it was perfect.

The engine switches from the back to the front halfway through the trip which was quite exciting for the boys to watch.

Lance can now say that he has ridden on a steam locomotive and loves it.

The scenery from train, so much open space, it was beautiful.

Tuesday we headed down to Northern Virginia to visit another friend. Despite the heat, we headed out to the playground to play. Lily and Lance had to share a bucket swing, Lily did not like sharing.


Lance on the other hand, loved it.

My friend's husband is a state trooper. Lily had no problem climbing in the front seat for a photo. Lance on the other hand,

hid in a tree, he would not come near the car, though he LOVES police cars.

The plan was to ride the metro to the mall in D.C. and visit a few museums Wednesday morning. Tuesday night we checked the metro website to see if their was going to be any construction delays, there was not any construction, but we did discover that the week was currently gap pride week and events were occurring all week on the mall. Being the mothers of small children, we were hesitant about going down to the mall not knowing what we may see so we decided to go to IKEA for breakfast instead. Their 99 cent breakfast is the yummy!

Lance and Lily enjoying breakfast. Lance and I also shared a cinnamon roll. We then wandered through the showroom. While I was admiring something in one "room," my friend was about ten feet behind me in another when the power went out. It was BLACK, you couldn't see your hand in front of your face. I immediately called out for Lance, who fortunately was standing beside my friend and grabbed ahold of her when it got dark. Fortunately the power came back within a short time, though not to full capacity so it was a bit eerie walking through a few shadowy sections of the store. By the time we checked out and left the power was back to full capacity. Within three minutes of us stepping out of the elevator and into the parking garage the electricity went out again, I am extremely thankful that it didn't happen when we were in the elevator! Close call.

I did not go to D.C. without visiting a museum so we headed down to Quantico and visited the Marine Corp museum. Lance enjoyed the planes, helicopters, and tanks. He was a bit afraid of the mannequins, I don't blame him, they look real.

Lance was a little timid at first about the planes hung from the ceiling.

Lance in front of an enlistment poster, not as scared here.

I now know what the strange building I pass on I-95 is, the Marine Corp museum and I now can say I have been inside. Though the museum was interesting, not crowded and all, and nice and cool, I was still disappointed that we didn't go to the mall in Washington, until I heard the radio. On the way back to my friend's house I happened to hear that there was a shooting at the Holocaust museum. The museum that is adjacent to the metro station we had planned on riding if we had gone downtown, the museum that is adjacent to the mall and the other museums we planned on visiting that day. The area was a madhouse and I am so thankful that we decided not to go, handling two kids and a stroller is difficult under normal conditions, but in crisis conditions, I would not have had a chance. I am now thankful that we didn't make it to the mall and will try yet again to go hopefully later in the summer (it was too cold to go when I was up there in January).

We drove back home Thursday morning and it is so good to be back. I love my friends and had a good time with them, but there really is no place like home and it is so good to not have to share my bed with a kicking toddler. So we survived and I look forward to more adventures yet to come.

vacationing solo

The kids and I just finished day 3 of our 5.5 day tour of 4 states and the district of columbia. we are having fun, but it is hard traveling alone. I do pretty good during the day, but it is the evening when the kids are cranky and I am exhausted that I just want to be at home. last night I was so tired I fell asleep at 9:45, tonight if it wasn't for surfing the Internet I would have probably conked out at 8, but I don't want to be up at 5 am so I am trying to stay awake for a little while.
Saturday morning we drove up through West Virginia (state 1) to my friend's house in Maryland (state 2) and went outlet shopping in Gettysburg PA (state 3).
Sunday we had a surprise birthday party for a friend and just hung out at the house, resting for today.
Today we packed up the kids (4 between the two of us) and a picnic lunch and went to the Strasburg Railroad near Lancaster, PA. Lance loved riding on the train and I got a kick out the Amish buggies, don't know why, but it was crazy to see buggy parking in the parking lots and a buggy in the drive-thru line at the bank (using banks seems so modern). We also made the mistake of going to a Thomas the Tank Engine store where I was suckered into by Lance to purchasing a train, as though he doesn't have quite a few already, those suckers are expensive! We then headed back to my friend's house and crashed.
Tomorrow we are heading down to Alexandria, VA (state 4) to visit another friend and hopefully have a down day, I am tired. Wednesday we plan on going into D.C. (the 1 district) and going to a museum or the zoo. Thursday we will hopefully be hitting up IKEA for breakfast and heading back home.
We are halfway though are trip and though I am having fun, I am tired, being a single parent is rough especially when you aren't at home and your schedule is totally out of whack. Lance surprisingly is doing a great job at potty training while on vacation which is awesome, I thought we would be regressing, but he has been doing awesome, I am so proud of him. So we are halfway through and I am definitely going to need a vacation from this whirlwind vacation, or maybe just one afternoon by the pool by help.

rough morning

this morning was rough.
Last night i was home alone and lacked the motivation to clean the kitchen so a messy kitchen awaited me this morning. I decided to tackle it right away and started cleaning first thing this morning. Lily was playing in the living room and lance was watching a thomas movie, I have been a pushover lately and I was rushing to get the kitchen clean before someone needed me. Lily crawled into the kitchen and at first glance I thought she had gotten a hold of some graham crackers and made a mess eating them. She had "graham mess" on her legs, arms, and belly. Upon closer examination I realized that it wasn't graham crackers, but poop all over her. YUCK! and now it was all over me as well. I headed upstairs gave Lily a quick bath, which she screamed bloody murder through, and changed my clothes. I put the doormat which was covered in poop outside and cleaned up the floor where she had been playing. I then got both kids dressed, the library books packed up, and my thermos filled with water. Right as we were walking out the door I realized I had left my thermos in the kitchen and went back for it. I was holding Lily at the time and she reached out and grabbed the thermos and dropped it on the floor. The lid flew off on and ice water went everywhere. Lily had been extremely fussy this morning and didn't want to be set down, so cleaning up the mess and getting fresh water was no easy task. I got the kids in the car and headed to the library. The library was uneventful, thank goodness. The next stop was a friend's house, I needed to return some books she let me borrow awhile ago and I realized halfway there that I had forgotten to pick up three of the books that were upstairs and needed to be returned. After a short visit we headed off to speech. Speech was the longest 45 minutes ever, Lance didn't always want to stay on task, but for the most part was cooperative. Lily on the other hand was a handful. She kept biting me, thrashing all around, and throwing temper tantrums, it was rough. Right before we left speech Lance used the potty so I thought we were good to go for awhile, of course I was wrong. We got home, got in the house, and I went to go start lunch in the kitchen because I was starving. Lance immediately yells for me and I come into the living room to discover that he was standing in a quite substantial puddle of urine. Great, more to clean up, the third floor cleaning of the day and it is only noon. Lance overall has been doing pretty good with potty training, but he keeps having accidents in this one area of the living room at about the same time of day. Every day I think, this will be the day I can put back out the carpet and every day he has peed on the floor and I am thankful the carpet is still tucked away. I finish making the sandwiches I was working on and get what I need to clean up Lance and the floor. We are out of clean underwear and naptime is hopefully immediately after lunch so I attempt to put Lance in a pull-up. He of course has it off in five minutes and is trying to use the bathroom, I don't understand why around lunch time he loses the ability to decide if he has to go or not. I noticed on the second pull-up attempt that his behind is irritated and the pull-up is most likely to blame so I leave him alone since I have bigger battles to fight. My bigger battle was for his blanket. As I was cleaning the floor I realized that Lance has gotten his favorite blanket in the pee and it needs to be washed. Trying to get his blanket in the washing machine was quite a battle. Taking away the blanket is not always easy especially before naptime! I am finally able to return to preparing lunch, get it on the table and attempt to eat while dodging Lily's hands which are trying to grab everything off of my plate and in my hands, she is being her fussy self that is insisting on being held. Lance ate a little bit of food, but mostly complained about his raw behind and who knows what else. I diapered both babies and took them upstairs. Fortuantely they both went down easily and will hopefully wake up in better moods. Upon reading through this morning's saga it doesn't seem that bad, but insert fussy baby who screamed every time she was set down for any reason and grumpy toddler who only wanted to watch thomas the tank engine and repeated over and over his train noise and you too might want to pull your hair out. Little tasks took much longer then necessary this morning and someone was always wanting something or crying because they couldn't have it, not fun at all. Life with two opinionated children who can't talk can be really tiresome. I just wish that the silence and peacefulness of naptime would last for a little bit longer, the fussy baby is awake.

all alone

I am starting to understand how hard it is to be a single parent.
Tonight is the third night in a row I am home alone.
In the last five nights, I have been alone four of them.
It is lonely, the kids are here, but Jeff isn't.
I am starting to think I stink.
Not really, he is just very busy right now, which leaves me at home alone with the kids.
Friday night was Fast Fridays, a group bike ride he started.
He was with us Saturday night, it was our first night out in over a month (with the kids, but out never the less, which was fun).
Sunday night he went camping with a friend, leaving us all night.
Last night he was priming the walls of the new store until late.
Tonight, he is painting the walls and once again won't be home until after I am asleep.
It is weird not having anytime to talk and spend time together. He comes home for dinner, but dinnertime is so crazy we don't get a lot of time to talk.
I will be going out of town soon to visit friends so we will be apart even more.
We are currently two people occupying the same space, it stinks.
I can't wait for a whole week at the beach with no work and stuff going on and we can spend some quality time together. Only 25 more days until our beach week. Thank goodness.