i keep telling myself they are just clothes

but they are so much more and it makes me a little sad.
In a corner of Lance's room I have a box of clothes that he has outgrown and a few items that he needs to grow into. Since #2 is going to be our last (according to Jeff, I change my mind like the wind) there are some clothes from last summer that I could pass on to a friend's little guy since we have similar tastes and a few items were hers to begin with. Anyways, I pulled a few things out but knew there was more so I pulled out the storage containers from the crawl spaces. I found some items for Haden and realized that I had three storage boxes that were totally full so I began to organize them to make room for more stuff. Last summer's clothes brought back memories of Lance learning how to walk, the beach, and babysitting John and Thomas and that is when I realized, some clothes are just clothes, but others are memories and quite sentimental. The clothes he wore the first few months are really special, not because of anything that happened while he wore them, but because of who gave them to him. There was the striped pjs from "aunt" Christy who moved away, the pooh newborn socks from the secretaries at the high school I taught at, the dinosaur outfit from my friend Jen from our old church, handi-me downs from the Maxsons who now live in France, an outfit from a family I use to babysit for, and so on. A lot of the clothes were from people who aren't in my everyday life anymore because they moved away or I don't work with them anymore or life just changes things. It was nice to go through all of the clothes and remember when Lance worn it and who gave it to us, but at the same time it was sad and is another reminder of how quickly children grow up and life changes. I am so excited about having a little girl, for so many reasons, but sad that she won't be wearing some of my favorite outfits and since Jeff doesn't want to have anymore babies I might not have another little one to put them in again which makes me sad too. I did pull out quite a few neutral items from the 0-3 month phase that I will put on new baby and that made me feel a little better. Part of me is sad that I am having a girl and not another boy who could wear all of my favorite outfits, though I don't know how many they would end up wearing since Lance and baby would be in different seasons, but maybe it is because there might not be anymore children after #2 and that is what saddens me. I don't understand why I would be sad that #2 is it for us because this pregnancy has not been a lot of fun, I know it could be a lot worse, but it has been rough, I don't love being pregnant like some. I love feeling the baby move and I will miss that, but not the crazy digestive system, dry heaving, tiredness, back pain, largeness, etc. I also have no clue what it is like to have 2 children let alone 3, I could totally change my mind come August, I guess only time will tell. So this morning I realized that clothes aren't just clothes sometimes and time doesn't stand still so I really need to enjoy every moment before it is gone.

the party

On Friday we had a small party for Lance. This party, nine people was microscopic compared to last year, but we knew that Lance would have the most fun with the fewest people and right now we can't afford to feed an army of people. My mom and sister came, as well as Jeff's parents, and then Lance's friends were John and Thomas (who I use to babysit for). Lance was so excited when the boys arrived he started running all over the house squealing, I have never see him so excited. Lance got a sandbox for his birthday from my mom and the boys had a good time playing in the sandbox before dinner. I cleaned off the deck and we had planned on eating outside, but the weather had other ideas. It was quite windy and the pollen from the neighbor's trees was quite frustrating so we decided to eat inside which was for the best because it was thundering and looked like it was going to rain any second. We moved inside just before it started to rain and enjoyed our cookout inside. After dinner we opened presents which was very exciting for Lance especially now that he can open them himself and he loves new toys. Lance's favorite part of the night came next, cake, and not because he ate any cake, but because he was able to blow out tons of candles, his favorite pastime. Since he loves blowing out candles I put as many candles as I could on the cake. It was hard to get him to not blow them out while we were lighting them and we ended up lighting them 3 times, the first time he blew them out before we could sing or get pictures, the second time was after we sang "happy birthday" and the third time we lit them was so Jeff's mom could get some pictures of the cake lit without the main light on. I am not a fan of "recreating" moments that have already occurred (cake blowing out, the first kiss at a wedding, etc), but I wasn't bothered since blowing out the candles makes Lance light up with such excitement. Lance was so excited about his new toys that he didn't eat any cake and ice cream, what a good kid I have! After playing with John and Thomas for awhile it was starting to get late and it was time for everyone to leave. Lance was so sad he started to cry, it made me sad, but I was happy to know that he had a great time and hope that we can invite the boys over again soon to play, Lance loves them and thinks they are the coolest.
I was a slacker when it came to taking pictures with my camera, most of the pictures are on Jeff's camera, I like his a lot more, but I took cake pictures with mine. The party didn't have much a theme, but Lance right now loves skateboarding as well as all other form of transportation, but since I didn't know how to create truck cake, we went with a skateboard cake. He loves skateboarding and will sit and watch the kids at the park for 30 minutes and is always trying to ride one so I decided to try and make him a skateboard cake. The cake turned out nice and the candles look great, but I was not happy with my print job on his name, I used the store bought icing in a pouch and it came out so irregular and my perfectionist self was not pleased, but the white icing was so thin I couldn't redo it so it stayed the way it was. So here is Lance's skateboard cake:

I can't believe we were actually able to hold Lance off from blowing the candles out to take a picture. Since he loves to blow out candles (a dangerous passion for a toddler) we put as many candles as we could on the cake, and he was able to blow them all out himself.
And of course we have the classic blowing shot, look at that determination:

So despite the storm the party was a lot of fun and the evening turned out to be quite enjoyable. I know that Lance enjoyed himself and that is the best part.

it's been 2 years

Today is Lance's 2nd Birthday!
I can't believe it has been 2 years. I honestly can't remember what life was like before him. What did we do? This last year has been so much fun with him learning so many things and just so much fun to be around. Even though I only have two years to compare, this year was a lot more fun, challenging at times, but a lot more fun, I hope this next year will be too! I am a little sad I don't have a pause or rewind button because time seems to slip by so fast, and I don't always enjoy things until they are over, but I am working on living more in the moment and enjoy where I am each day. My heart is so full. I really love this age, even through the temper tantrums. I never thought I could love someone as much as I do Lance and I thought I could never him love him anymore, but I know that everyday I love him more which blows me away. Lance is my little man and I am so blessed that I can stay at home with him and enjoy every moment. As I look back over the last year this morning I realize how much fun we had and there is a little sadness that he is just getting older and older and will never be this way again.
This past week has been crazy. Last week I started working two/three times a week and it is really tough on my body, but it has made me so thankful that I am able to stay at home every other day with Lance and it makes me miss him, and him me, so it has been good. We were originally going to use the money to go to the beach in May, but because money is so tight right now we aren't going to go which is a huge disappointment. I need to find another working goal so it will make the pain worth it, and there unfortunately is lots of pain involved.
Time has really flown by this last week, we have been busy and spending most of our time outside playing. Tonight we are celebrating Lance's birthday with a family cookout and it should a lot of fun, I am going to try a skateboard cake for Lance so that should be very interesting.

what we have been up to

The weather has been amazing these last couple of days so we have been spending all of our time outside.


Wednesday Jeff came home early from work and cut the grass. Lance wants to be just like Daddy so he helped by making sure the yard was evenly cut.

Too bad he is too little to use the real mower, we would probably have the best looking yard on the block.



Lance is also really into hats right now, once again he wants to be just like daddy who is always wearing a hat of some kind.
He put on this knit hat I made him awhile ago all by himself, it took some practice.

Thursday we actually got to wear short and short sleeves for the first time this spring! Lance looks quite cute in his "capants" (shorts that end up being more like capris)

We accomplished our goal of not driving two days a week this week. We didn't drive anywhere Wednesday and Thursday and actually we didn't drive anywhere Friday until the late afternoon.


We didn't stay at home all day, we walked down to Magnolia for a snack Thursday morning and to two church playgrounds, so despite not driving we were still going places. I realized this week how thankful I am that we live in walking distance to many things: several church playgrounds, the post office, a deli/ gourmet food store (Magnolia), the park, the grocery store, the ice cream store, and other places that we could walk to but don't. Also, with being outside I realized what a great outdoor space we have. We have a deck in the back, a porch on the side, a large, flat backyard, a nice flat front yard, nice landscaping, and though at times our house seems cramped, the outside area is wonderful. I would love a larger house, but I realize that we might not get such an awesome yard in another house and I am just now able to really enjoy some of the flowers that I have planted because they are just now getting established. The first fall we were in the house we planted purple tulips. The next spring we got one or two tulips per planting, now that it has been four years we have 5-6 tulips coming up and they are looking amazing. Though I would love a larger house, it makes me sad to think I wouldn't be here to enjoy all my flowers as well as having to start over from scratch. I am really learning to be content with what we have and figuring out ideas on how to make things work where we are without having to leave.