Today was ultrasound day and I was so nervous. I wasn't so upset with the idea of having another boy, in fact, I was okay with it, but something told me I might not even find out at all what gender the baby was. The baby was positioned in such a way that the technician couldn't figure out what it was and after letting me use the restroom we tried a fourth or fifth time to tell and the umbilical cord was in between the baby's legs, we really thought we weren't going to know what the baby's gender was and I was so sure it was a boy that it didn't really matter.
After trying and waiting and trying some more we finally saw some parts and the technician is 90% positive she saw girl parts! AHHHHHH! We are having a girl!!!!! I am so excited! Jeff is excited too, the pressure is off, I got the girl and the boy I wanted. It took quite awhile to let it all sink in and I am getting more and more excited. A little part of me, very little, microscopic actually is sad that #2 will not be wearing some of my favorite lance outfits and I was getting use the name Wesley, but I know that one trip to any clothing store will remedy my sadness in a heartbeat. So now we have to pick out a girl name, in the last couple of weeks we had really been focusing on boy names because it seemed so much harder to find the perfect one, but now we have to switch gears and go with girl names, there are so many I like it is going to be hard to narrow them down. Wow, a girl, I still can't believe it.
On a random note: the chinese gender prediction test was right as well as the old wives tale you feel worse and for longer with a girl, and now that I think about it, I am carrying this baby higher than I did Lance, she doesn't kick me on my backbone/tailbone and bladder as much as Lance did.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
can't sleep
I feel miserable and can't sleep. I have some serious sinus issues and the claritin I took this morning doesn't seem to be working. I could tell this morning that I would have some allergy issues today so I took a claritin this morning and was doing pretty good until I took Lance for a walk this afternoon. Halfway through my eyes started watering, my nose started to run, I could feel the lovely post nasal drip, I felt gross. I convinced Lance to go in after the walk and watch Oprah (it was about hoarding and it was fascinating), I felt better so I gave in and went back out to play until daddy came home (it was hard being in for an hour when every 5 minutes he would walk to the door and try to go outside, but I really need to give my nose a break). We stayed out until dark and my eyes and nose bothered me the whole time (we even ate dinner outside). Then I had Jeff vacuum for me while I picked up the playroom. I lost a foot part to a dresser in Lance's room so I had to search through the vacuum bag that we replaced, I didn't find the lost part I thought I had sucked up by mistake and I am sure digging in all that dust didn't help the allergies much. I went to bed not to bad and woke up a little after 3 am miserable. The right side of my face is all stuffed up and my throat is just nasty. I can't sleep and I am frustrated that I can't take a decongestant for two reasons, they make my heart race and I am pretty sure they aren't safe while pregnant or at least the ones that are make my heart race. I hope things will get better in the morning, we have plans to go out of town to go shopping today, just Jeff and I. I am really nervous because I have never left Lance for longer than a couple of hours and today we will be gone for 10-12 hours. I know that this will be good for both of us and I can't believe that we haven't been apart for more than 6 hours since he was born (and that 6 hour absence occurred when he was 3 months old!). I also hope that my mom can handle him for 12 hours, he loves her to death and with the weather going to be beautiful it should be an easy day for her, all she has to do is sit outside with him and make sure he doesn't go out in the street, I made sure to put a comfy chair for her outside so she can relax and read while Lance plays. I am going to miss my little man, but I know this is a good thing because in 5 months when I am in the hospital with #2 I will be forced to be away for a few days and he needs to be able to handle that, the thought of that makes me sad, but that is a whole other can of worms.
So I can't sleep and when I can't sleep I think, and I came to a few realizations tonight:
1- Going out to eat or eating prepared food is a lot more expensive then groceries and I shouldn't convince myself otherwise. Sometimes I try and rationalize going out to eat and that if we share a meal it can cost the same as preparing it at home and then I realized how wrong I was. The tax for prepared food in the city: 11% and tax (non-prepared food): 2.5%! Hopefully the next time I don't feel like cooking I will remember this realization.
2- I am halfway done with my pregnancy! Despite being frustrated because I have nothing to wear things are better. I am not as sensitive to smells, appearances, grocery stores, mucus, etc. Thank goodness because this week has been rough (lance's first real vomiting experience, one stinky diaper because of his congestion, dealing with lots of mucus thanks to his allergy/cold issue, and my own congestion issues that before would cause gagging).
3- That Lance is 23 months old now which means he is almost 2!!!!! ahhhh, I can't believe I almost have a 2 year old and boy has he been living up to my almost 2 year old expectations with opinions and tantrums. It also makes me a little nervous because he is almost 2 and he still doesn't say much, maybe 3 phrases. I kept telling myself I wasn't going to worry until he was 2, but as we get closer and closer to his birthday my concern keeps growing and growing. I get the feeling he could talk, but he just doesn't want to, he seems to be exerting his autonomy by refusing to speak because he knows how desperately I want him to talk, I could be wrong, but it is just that look he gives me some days when I try and get him to say stuff makes me think he knows he just doesn't want to show me.
4- It seems like us making it another month at the shop is impossible, it doesn't seem like we aren't going to make it another week, yet I am strangely optimistic, maybe my brain has checked out at the door, but there is still so much fight left in Jeff and I just feel that if this isn't what he is suppose to be doing then he would still have the passion and ideas for it. It makes no rational sense, but that still small voice says keep going and until something else comes along we are moving along, barely, but we are moving.
5- It's 4:30 and I wish I could sleep because we have a busy day today. I hate being so sleep sensitive due to being pregnant, now is the time when I should sleep like the dead since there won't be much sleep happening in 5 months. Sometimes I wonder, why did I want to be pregnant, why did I think this was a good thing, and then #2 gives me a swift kick in the stomach and I remember what a gift children are and I need to enjoy every poke because in 7 months I will miss it.
So I can't sleep and when I can't sleep I think, and I came to a few realizations tonight:
1- Going out to eat or eating prepared food is a lot more expensive then groceries and I shouldn't convince myself otherwise. Sometimes I try and rationalize going out to eat and that if we share a meal it can cost the same as preparing it at home and then I realized how wrong I was. The tax for prepared food in the city: 11% and tax (non-prepared food): 2.5%! Hopefully the next time I don't feel like cooking I will remember this realization.
2- I am halfway done with my pregnancy! Despite being frustrated because I have nothing to wear things are better. I am not as sensitive to smells, appearances, grocery stores, mucus, etc. Thank goodness because this week has been rough (lance's first real vomiting experience, one stinky diaper because of his congestion, dealing with lots of mucus thanks to his allergy/cold issue, and my own congestion issues that before would cause gagging).
3- That Lance is 23 months old now which means he is almost 2!!!!! ahhhh, I can't believe I almost have a 2 year old and boy has he been living up to my almost 2 year old expectations with opinions and tantrums. It also makes me a little nervous because he is almost 2 and he still doesn't say much, maybe 3 phrases. I kept telling myself I wasn't going to worry until he was 2, but as we get closer and closer to his birthday my concern keeps growing and growing. I get the feeling he could talk, but he just doesn't want to, he seems to be exerting his autonomy by refusing to speak because he knows how desperately I want him to talk, I could be wrong, but it is just that look he gives me some days when I try and get him to say stuff makes me think he knows he just doesn't want to show me.
4- It seems like us making it another month at the shop is impossible, it doesn't seem like we aren't going to make it another week, yet I am strangely optimistic, maybe my brain has checked out at the door, but there is still so much fight left in Jeff and I just feel that if this isn't what he is suppose to be doing then he would still have the passion and ideas for it. It makes no rational sense, but that still small voice says keep going and until something else comes along we are moving along, barely, but we are moving.
5- It's 4:30 and I wish I could sleep because we have a busy day today. I hate being so sleep sensitive due to being pregnant, now is the time when I should sleep like the dead since there won't be much sleep happening in 5 months. Sometimes I wonder, why did I want to be pregnant, why did I think this was a good thing, and then #2 gives me a swift kick in the stomach and I remember what a gift children are and I need to enjoy every poke because in 7 months I will miss it.
Monday, March 24, 2008
what season is it?
I am totally confused with the weather currently.
It is suppose to be spring
It has been acting like spring:
warm temperatures
flowers and trees blooming
allergies raging (more on that to come)
the calendar indicates spring
but today the weather didn't get the memo
today it snowed!
From November till the end of February all I wanted it to do was snow and though having it stick and be substantial would have been awesome, I just wanted to see the flakes fall.
If it is cold outside I think it should snow. We got a small dose of snow twice I think this winter and a dusty here or there, but overall it was a very disappointing winter. By the end of February I gave up on seeing anymore snowflakes and looked forward to spring. Then today, I looked outside and noticed that it was snowing! What in the world? It wasn't sticking because the temperature was in the mid 40's but there were flakes coming down, it was strange. Why couldn't it have done this a month or two ago, why now, when I want it to be 70 degrees outside. How can it snow today when Saturday it was 70 degrees outside, why does weather have to be so extreme? Why does it snow today when its only a 30% chance, but back in January when there was an 80% chance we got freezing rain or nothing?
Anyways, it was very strange to see snow coming down especially when you are dealing with seasonal allergies due to the trees blooming. There are some positives and negatives thus far with the allergy season. The positive: claritin has prevented me from being miserable, just a little inconvenienced. The negative: Lance is suffering. Before Lance was born I thought of traits that I hoped that Lance would and would not inherit from me, allergies was one I hoped he wouldn't get, but it looks like that wont' be the case. He has a very runny nose, watery eyes, and he has been sneezing like crazy. We have been giving him Benadryl and when it works it helps a lot, but you have to take it every 4-6 hours which is a lot and gives him quite a bit of time with no relief. Tonight on the recommendation of a friend who has a little boy with allergies we are going to try Zyrtec. Hopefully it will give him more relief and since it is taken every 24 hours it won't be so stop and go because there is a noticeable difference between on medicine and not. I guess another positive is that with Claritin and Zyrtec now being over the counter it doesn't involve having to go to the doctor for a prescription especially when Lance has very obvious allergy symptoms that go away with medicine.
It is suppose to be spring
It has been acting like spring:
warm temperatures
flowers and trees blooming
allergies raging (more on that to come)
the calendar indicates spring
but today the weather didn't get the memo
today it snowed!
From November till the end of February all I wanted it to do was snow and though having it stick and be substantial would have been awesome, I just wanted to see the flakes fall.
If it is cold outside I think it should snow. We got a small dose of snow twice I think this winter and a dusty here or there, but overall it was a very disappointing winter. By the end of February I gave up on seeing anymore snowflakes and looked forward to spring. Then today, I looked outside and noticed that it was snowing! What in the world? It wasn't sticking because the temperature was in the mid 40's but there were flakes coming down, it was strange. Why couldn't it have done this a month or two ago, why now, when I want it to be 70 degrees outside. How can it snow today when Saturday it was 70 degrees outside, why does weather have to be so extreme? Why does it snow today when its only a 30% chance, but back in January when there was an 80% chance we got freezing rain or nothing?
Anyways, it was very strange to see snow coming down especially when you are dealing with seasonal allergies due to the trees blooming. There are some positives and negatives thus far with the allergy season. The positive: claritin has prevented me from being miserable, just a little inconvenienced. The negative: Lance is suffering. Before Lance was born I thought of traits that I hoped that Lance would and would not inherit from me, allergies was one I hoped he wouldn't get, but it looks like that wont' be the case. He has a very runny nose, watery eyes, and he has been sneezing like crazy. We have been giving him Benadryl and when it works it helps a lot, but you have to take it every 4-6 hours which is a lot and gives him quite a bit of time with no relief. Tonight on the recommendation of a friend who has a little boy with allergies we are going to try Zyrtec. Hopefully it will give him more relief and since it is taken every 24 hours it won't be so stop and go because there is a noticeable difference between on medicine and not. I guess another positive is that with Claritin and Zyrtec now being over the counter it doesn't involve having to go to the doctor for a prescription especially when Lance has very obvious allergy symptoms that go away with medicine.
Friday, March 21, 2008
he can't talk, but
he can set the table for dinner.
Wednesday night I was getting ready for dinner and Lance was underfoot so I handed him a plate, then another plate, his plate and forks. I couldn't see what he was doing because I was around the corner and I expected to see the plates on the floor or if I was lucky the chairs, but I was shocked to see them in the right places. Lance had put a plate with a fork where Jeff and I sit and his special plate and fork at his chair. I was so impressed that I tried it again last night and once again, he set the table with a fork and knife and plate where we all sit. I am so impressed with the little man and the big help setting the table can be, it is a much better activity then pulling out all of the pots and pans like he normally does.
Also, after dinner Jeff and Lance went outside to play. When they came in Lance went in the bathroom and stood by the toilet and tried to pull down his pants. Turns out he had a dirty diaper. Once again, I was impressed that he made the connection and is already interested.
He is also quite the little copycat. This morning Jeff was in the bathroom reading as he usually does and Lance came in, grabbed a magazine himself and sat down on his stool, he was copying Jeff, it was very funny and cute, I just hope he won't mistake his stool for a potty (the stool has a lid just like the potty).
Lance doesn't say much, or at least that we can understand, but he is quite smart in a lot of other ways.
Wednesday night I was getting ready for dinner and Lance was underfoot so I handed him a plate, then another plate, his plate and forks. I couldn't see what he was doing because I was around the corner and I expected to see the plates on the floor or if I was lucky the chairs, but I was shocked to see them in the right places. Lance had put a plate with a fork where Jeff and I sit and his special plate and fork at his chair. I was so impressed that I tried it again last night and once again, he set the table with a fork and knife and plate where we all sit. I am so impressed with the little man and the big help setting the table can be, it is a much better activity then pulling out all of the pots and pans like he normally does.
Also, after dinner Jeff and Lance went outside to play. When they came in Lance went in the bathroom and stood by the toilet and tried to pull down his pants. Turns out he had a dirty diaper. Once again, I was impressed that he made the connection and is already interested.
He is also quite the little copycat. This morning Jeff was in the bathroom reading as he usually does and Lance came in, grabbed a magazine himself and sat down on his stool, he was copying Jeff, it was very funny and cute, I just hope he won't mistake his stool for a potty (the stool has a lid just like the potty).
Lance doesn't say much, or at least that we can understand, but he is quite smart in a lot of other ways.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
the green eyed monster
what did I do before. . .
there was the internet, itunes, and podcasts?
before the internet- i probably got a lot more done around the house, or maybe i just watched more tv
before itunes- i guess maybe i actually bought CDs, but only listened to a few songs that i really liked
and before podcasts- i don't know? paid attention more in church?
I love technology, most of the time.
I subscribe to quite a few podcasts of churches around U.S. that I enjoy and just now I finished listening to a podcast from the series "It Came From Within" from Andy Stanley of North Point Community Church and it was so good, it was about jealousy, and it really opened my eyes up to the hidden jealousy and envy that I have in my life. It was a mega butt kicking for me. The past few years we have been struggling with the business and we try and do the right thing in every situations (and this is rare in business! do you know how many people lie and do sketchy things?). Anyways, things have been hard and it seems like the world is against us and we never get a break and it never seems to get easier. I fall very easily into envy, being envious of those people I know who make more money then us by doing the bare minimum, people who have money to spend of frivolous things that they won't even want in a few months, and basically just people who I know who make dumb decisions and yet they always seem to land on their feet in the end. So after listening to the message I realized I have a lot of stuff to deal with and hopefully it will make me a more loving person especially for those people in my life that just rub me the wrong way. So not only am I battling the ivy that is trying to take over my house, but the green eyed monster that is trying to take over my heart. I realize that life isn't fair, and I if I am honest I don't want it to be (fair would mean everyone would have equal which would probably mean less of most things) and in the end I will be more content with my situation and thankful for what I do have, which is really a lot.
there was the internet, itunes, and podcasts?
before the internet- i probably got a lot more done around the house, or maybe i just watched more tv
before itunes- i guess maybe i actually bought CDs, but only listened to a few songs that i really liked
and before podcasts- i don't know? paid attention more in church?
I love technology, most of the time.
I subscribe to quite a few podcasts of churches around U.S. that I enjoy and just now I finished listening to a podcast from the series "It Came From Within" from Andy Stanley of North Point Community Church and it was so good, it was about jealousy, and it really opened my eyes up to the hidden jealousy and envy that I have in my life. It was a mega butt kicking for me. The past few years we have been struggling with the business and we try and do the right thing in every situations (and this is rare in business! do you know how many people lie and do sketchy things?). Anyways, things have been hard and it seems like the world is against us and we never get a break and it never seems to get easier. I fall very easily into envy, being envious of those people I know who make more money then us by doing the bare minimum, people who have money to spend of frivolous things that they won't even want in a few months, and basically just people who I know who make dumb decisions and yet they always seem to land on their feet in the end. So after listening to the message I realized I have a lot of stuff to deal with and hopefully it will make me a more loving person especially for those people in my life that just rub me the wrong way. So not only am I battling the ivy that is trying to take over my house, but the green eyed monster that is trying to take over my heart. I realize that life isn't fair, and I if I am honest I don't want it to be (fair would mean everyone would have equal which would probably mean less of most things) and in the end I will be more content with my situation and thankful for what I do have, which is really a lot.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
i am getting too pregnant to be doing this
I am getting to0 pregnant to be cleaning someone else's house other than my own and going for a hike in the woods right after. Actually I am not pregnant, I just need to go at a slower pace then I am use to and the up-down-up-down with cleaning gets to me after while especially hauling around a heavy vacuum up and down the stairs. My mom is having gum surgery on Friday and I wanted to clean her house for her so she would be able to relax and recover in a clean, neat house especially since next week is her spring break and she will be home all week. Since my sister got married and moved out my mom's house is a lot easier to clean because it is just her and the cats, but because of the cats there was a lot of cat hair to deal with. Not that my mom's house is dirty, but she doesn't have a lot of time to keep it immaculate and it can get hairy quite easily. After cleaning I picked up Lance from the shop and met a friend at the park where we took a little hike through the woods. I had to carry Lance part of the way because he was getting tired (it was close to naptime) and refused to walk. As a result of my cleaning and hiking I am tired. I feel like such a wuss for being tired, I don't want to be a total bum, but at the same time I don't want to overdo it and not have the energy to play with Lance this afternoon or abuse my body that is working hard.
I am currently enjoying naptime and I just glanced out the window and noticed it just started to rain. It has been threatening rain all day, but I was hoping it would hold off until this evening. I know that Lance will want to play outside when he gets up from nap and I really don't want to play in the rain. Maybe it will just quit soon and dry up by the time he gets up.
I am currently enjoying naptime and I just glanced out the window and noticed it just started to rain. It has been threatening rain all day, but I was hoping it would hold off until this evening. I know that Lance will want to play outside when he gets up from nap and I really don't want to play in the rain. Maybe it will just quit soon and dry up by the time he gets up.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
I will never name my child Ivy
no offense to my friend named Ivy, but I hate IVY, the plant that is!!!
We have lived in our house for almost four years and have had an ongoing war with the ivy that grows EVERYWHERE! I am constantly pulling it up and trying to win this war which is oddly resembling the war in Iraq in that there is very little progress being made and areas that were once victories get overtaken easily by the enemy. I am amazed at how the ivy can grow into cracks, the vents of the crawlspace, under the porch, underneath the siding, all around the base of other plants, and it is so irritating to pull it up and see it take off paint, thus creating even more work to do. Three years ago we got rid of a ton of it and in some places it is back to the way it was as though we had never cleared it out in the first place. This morning, I don't know why, I waged war with the ivy once again. I pulled and pulled for about an hour before I got hungry and had to go eat lunch. I wanted to work on it now before the spiders and bugs come out and make yard work icky. I couldn't believe the large pile of Ivy I collected when I was finished, it is as large as a leaf pile you might play in and it is 75% Ivy (25% leaves). The area that was overrun with ivy doesn't a lot of bushes or plants so I need to figure out what to plant there in hopes of keeping the ivy in retreat. I realize I will probably never win this war, but I at least want to make it look like I have as long as we own the house. Though it makes good ground cover it is trying to take over our house year after year and it does more damage then good.
We have lived in our house for almost four years and have had an ongoing war with the ivy that grows EVERYWHERE! I am constantly pulling it up and trying to win this war which is oddly resembling the war in Iraq in that there is very little progress being made and areas that were once victories get overtaken easily by the enemy. I am amazed at how the ivy can grow into cracks, the vents of the crawlspace, under the porch, underneath the siding, all around the base of other plants, and it is so irritating to pull it up and see it take off paint, thus creating even more work to do. Three years ago we got rid of a ton of it and in some places it is back to the way it was as though we had never cleared it out in the first place. This morning, I don't know why, I waged war with the ivy once again. I pulled and pulled for about an hour before I got hungry and had to go eat lunch. I wanted to work on it now before the spiders and bugs come out and make yard work icky. I couldn't believe the large pile of Ivy I collected when I was finished, it is as large as a leaf pile you might play in and it is 75% Ivy (25% leaves). The area that was overrun with ivy doesn't a lot of bushes or plants so I need to figure out what to plant there in hopes of keeping the ivy in retreat. I realize I will probably never win this war, but I at least want to make it look like I have as long as we own the house. Though it makes good ground cover it is trying to take over our house year after year and it does more damage then good.
Friday, March 14, 2008
love the warm weather, hate the stress dreams
It has been heavenly this past week: sunny and the temperatures keep climbing. Today the high is suppose to be 70 and it is so beautiful outside. Yesterday we spent every waking moment literally outside. We got up had breakfast, folded some laundry, walked down to Magnolia for a snack, walked to the church playground near our house, walked home, had lunch, had nap, walked back to Magnolia to buy a dish and splat mat (but in a different pattern), played in our yard until we came in a 5:45 to make dinner, ate dinner outside, played outside after dinner until it was dark, had bath, stories, and bed. It was such a great day! Today is even better because it is warmer. We went to story time this morning at the library and then had a picnic lunch and played outside. Lance is currently napping and after nap we are going to head to the playground and then after dinner go for a walk (provided it isn't raining like it is suppose to). I am so excited about spring and the warm weather. Lance is so content and happy when we are outside, it is nice because I don't have to constantly entertain him like I sometimes do when we are inside. I learned all of our outside time is good for him and his development. My mom learned this morning that boys need to spend as much time as possible outside (and as little time in front of the tv and computer), it is good for their development and learning. The lecture she heard was about how schools aren't providing what boys need- outside time and lots of it and gave strategies on how to help boys get the movement and outside time they need to reduce acting out and help them learn better. She says that she is going to give me the notes she took so I can learn better ways to teach Lance now and in the future.
So the daytime is great, but the nights are what I am dreading. I have had horrible dreams lately, I shouldn't say horrible, more like stressful dreams. March 31st is ultrasound day, and I would like baby #2 to be a girl, but after some of the dreams I have been having I realized I REALLY want a girl. I keep having dreams that we find out that we are having a boy and I am really upset and even when I am awake I am still a little sad (the exact thing happened with lance, except the reverse, i dreamed he was going to be a girl and i was upset). I know that I will love my child to pieces regardless of its gender, but I realize through these dreams that my hopes for a girl are stronger then I think I realize, so much so that I am kind of stressed about ultrasound day and thinking about going back to my original plan of not finding out until the baby's birth. It also doesn't help when everyone I know says they think I am having a girl, I know they don't mean harm, but it gets my hopes up. Though I did have dreams that upset me that Lance was a girl, it wasn't nearly as bad as what I have now and I think it is because I knew that I was going to have at least one other child and so if it wasn't a boy we would have another opportunity whereas this time there might not be another. Jeff is very set on #2 being the last one for us and though at times I am on board with that notion when I think about tea parties and dress-up (non superhero dress-up) and barbies and all of the other things girlie things it gets me bummed out. And when I think about the relationship my mom and I have and thinking about how I might not have that with a daughter of my own it gets me sad, yes I can be close to boys, but it isn't the same, school dances, and prom, and a wedding isn't the same with sons(yes it is cheaper, but not the same). On the total materialistic point of view- girl clothes are SO MUCH CUTER than boy clothes and a whole lot easier to find!!!!! I am tired to only looking at the boys side of the Boden catalog because the girl side just makes my heart sink, but thank goodness they separate it unlike some catalogs where you have to sift through all those cute girl things to find one or two average looking boy pieces.
By day, Lance and I have been loving the warm temperatures and sunshine and at night I am awaken stressed and a little sad.
Rereading this I realize how horrible I sound. If baby #2 is a boy I will honestly be bummed out at first, but I do know that it isn't the end of the world. I will be able to have a baby to put my favorite outfits on again, (if even just for an afternoon since it might be the wrong season) and having a boy is easier, I can do boys (John, Thomas, and Lance) and Lance would probably prefer a boy to play with and Jeff would love another boy and when the boys are older they can share a room and have bunkbeds. And just because Jeff says no more babies, I might be able to convince him otherwise in a few years once he has forgotten how much he hates pregnancy (you would think he was the one carrying the baby sometimes).
The silly thing is, that even once I find out the gender the stress dreams probably won't end, they will morph into labor dreams or something going wrong with Lance or the baby.
So the daytime is great, but the nights are what I am dreading. I have had horrible dreams lately, I shouldn't say horrible, more like stressful dreams. March 31st is ultrasound day, and I would like baby #2 to be a girl, but after some of the dreams I have been having I realized I REALLY want a girl. I keep having dreams that we find out that we are having a boy and I am really upset and even when I am awake I am still a little sad (the exact thing happened with lance, except the reverse, i dreamed he was going to be a girl and i was upset). I know that I will love my child to pieces regardless of its gender, but I realize through these dreams that my hopes for a girl are stronger then I think I realize, so much so that I am kind of stressed about ultrasound day and thinking about going back to my original plan of not finding out until the baby's birth. It also doesn't help when everyone I know says they think I am having a girl, I know they don't mean harm, but it gets my hopes up. Though I did have dreams that upset me that Lance was a girl, it wasn't nearly as bad as what I have now and I think it is because I knew that I was going to have at least one other child and so if it wasn't a boy we would have another opportunity whereas this time there might not be another. Jeff is very set on #2 being the last one for us and though at times I am on board with that notion when I think about tea parties and dress-up (non superhero dress-up) and barbies and all of the other things girlie things it gets me bummed out. And when I think about the relationship my mom and I have and thinking about how I might not have that with a daughter of my own it gets me sad, yes I can be close to boys, but it isn't the same, school dances, and prom, and a wedding isn't the same with sons(yes it is cheaper, but not the same). On the total materialistic point of view- girl clothes are SO MUCH CUTER than boy clothes and a whole lot easier to find!!!!! I am tired to only looking at the boys side of the Boden catalog because the girl side just makes my heart sink, but thank goodness they separate it unlike some catalogs where you have to sift through all those cute girl things to find one or two average looking boy pieces.
By day, Lance and I have been loving the warm temperatures and sunshine and at night I am awaken stressed and a little sad.
Rereading this I realize how horrible I sound. If baby #2 is a boy I will honestly be bummed out at first, but I do know that it isn't the end of the world. I will be able to have a baby to put my favorite outfits on again, (if even just for an afternoon since it might be the wrong season) and having a boy is easier, I can do boys (John, Thomas, and Lance) and Lance would probably prefer a boy to play with and Jeff would love another boy and when the boys are older they can share a room and have bunkbeds. And just because Jeff says no more babies, I might be able to convince him otherwise in a few years once he has forgotten how much he hates pregnancy (you would think he was the one carrying the baby sometimes).
The silly thing is, that even once I find out the gender the stress dreams probably won't end, they will morph into labor dreams or something going wrong with Lance or the baby.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
i feel like such a wimp
Last night it happened again, lance pooped in the tub, not on my watch I should mention. Jeff was giving lance a bath and I was on the phone with a friend when Jeff yelled for help. I went upstairs to see the problem and after taking one look at the floating log I ran out of the bathroom and tried my best to keep the chicken tacos down. I grabbed Lance while Jeff cleaned up the poop. I feel like such a wimp, I couldn't help clean up the tub without dry heaving. One thing I don't fully understand is why Jeff didn't notice lance pooping (especially one this size) and why he didn't immediately transfer him to the toilet that was inches away when he did notice something. I really shouldn't be critical, I didn't clean it up (I did spray everything with bleach afterwards). This morning lance had a dirty diaper and once again I am dry heaving while trying to change it. I can't get over how easily I will gag/heave and how lance's diapers turn my stomach (and they aren't even gross!), I have never been this sensitive before. Even talking about certain topics make me gag, ahhhh, when is this going to end??? Okay, I can answer my own question- in 4 to 5 months.
On a totally different front: I am starting to enjoy the change in time and more evening daylight. After dinner last night we went for a walk though it was chilly it was nice to get out and do something instead of just try and keep Jeff from turning on the tv and not playing with Lance.
On a totally different front: I am starting to enjoy the change in time and more evening daylight. After dinner last night we went for a walk though it was chilly it was nice to get out and do something instead of just try and keep Jeff from turning on the tv and not playing with Lance.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
i wonder how long we can keep this up
Gas prices are really bad and things don't seem to be getting any better any time soon and with our budget times are getting tough so we came up with an idea.
I don't know how long we can keep it up or if it will even make a difference, but we are going to try.
It started out with Daylight Savings because it stays light so much later so walking/bike riding isn't as dangerous in the evenings. Jeff talked to one of the guys at the bike shop and they kind of decided to have a little competition to see who could commute to work by bicycle (or another way that doesn't involve driving) the most in a month. Jeff decided he wanted to try and ride 3 times a week to work. I decided to get in on the conservation challenge and I said that I would try and not drive anywhere 2 days a week (i usually don't go anywhere by driving one whole day). Yesterday was the first day, I didn't drive, Jeff drove, and Jason (from the bike shop) walked to work (unfortunately walking isn't an option for Jeff, we live too far away). Jeff then decided to change our little home challenge to only one of us drives everyday, so yesterday he drove and I didn't and now today I drove around to run errands and he rode his bike. Our plan will work as long as we don't get too many rainy days because who wants to walk or ride your bike in the rain? So day 2 and we are off and rolling, but come April showers and everything could be up in the air. On positive side: Jeff is getting to ride his bike that he says he never rides, I am just afraid that this might lead to him wanting more of a road bike and then all gas savings would be gone towards a new bike.
I don't know how long we can keep it up or if it will even make a difference, but we are going to try.
It started out with Daylight Savings because it stays light so much later so walking/bike riding isn't as dangerous in the evenings. Jeff talked to one of the guys at the bike shop and they kind of decided to have a little competition to see who could commute to work by bicycle (or another way that doesn't involve driving) the most in a month. Jeff decided he wanted to try and ride 3 times a week to work. I decided to get in on the conservation challenge and I said that I would try and not drive anywhere 2 days a week (i usually don't go anywhere by driving one whole day). Yesterday was the first day, I didn't drive, Jeff drove, and Jason (from the bike shop) walked to work (unfortunately walking isn't an option for Jeff, we live too far away). Jeff then decided to change our little home challenge to only one of us drives everyday, so yesterday he drove and I didn't and now today I drove around to run errands and he rode his bike. Our plan will work as long as we don't get too many rainy days because who wants to walk or ride your bike in the rain? So day 2 and we are off and rolling, but come April showers and everything could be up in the air. On positive side: Jeff is getting to ride his bike that he says he never rides, I am just afraid that this might lead to him wanting more of a road bike and then all gas savings would be gone towards a new bike.
Monday, March 10, 2008
saving all my change
I am saving all my change and hopefully some bills too so we can go here.
And stay at the SunSpree Resort for a few days.
We went last year and it was heavenly.
I loved watching the waves from our balcony, enjoying breakfast out of the patio, playing in the sand, soaking up the warm sun, the really nice room, and eating dinner in downtown Wilmington. I am hoping and praying we will be able to go this year.
And stay at the SunSpree Resort for a few days.
We went last year and it was heavenly.I loved watching the waves from our balcony, enjoying breakfast out of the patio, playing in the sand, soaking up the warm sun, the really nice room, and eating dinner in downtown Wilmington. I am hoping and praying we will be able to go this year.
Friday, March 07, 2008
something a pregnant lady shouldn't have to see
Yesterday the weather was very nice so Lance and I went for a walk after nap. There is one section of our route that Lance likes to get out of the stroller and walk and I don't mind since the sidewalk is extra wide and flat. While walking we saw several school buses which made Lance stop, point, and stand in awe, he loves all vehicles of transportation, the bigger the better. After several buses we heard a siren, wow, I thought, we are going to see all of Lance's favorite vehicles in one stretch of road. I picked Lance up so he could get a better look of the ambulance when it came into view. When we finally did see it, I noticed that it wasn't an ordinary ambulance and my heart sank. I didn't even know this type of ambulance existed and it almost made me cry just to think about it. It was a Newborn Transport ambulance from UVA. I knew that newborns in critical shape were taken to UVA, but I had no idea that they had their own ambulance, I thought they just rode in a regular one for the our trip to UVA. The ambulance was headed towards the birth center at the hospital and it had it lights and siren on. My heart goes out to the little baby that had to be transported to UVA and its parents who are probably dealing with intense stress of having a newborn that needs extra care. As I was walking home I realized how blessed I am that Lance was born healthy and without complications, I can't imagine what parents go through when their babies need lots of care and they aren't the big strong baby Lance was. I also said a prayer that new baby would be healthy and would not have complications. Even today, I still get sad thinking of a tiny baby in a huge ambulance and I hope it will be able to be home soon and in the arms of their family.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
not much
The days have gone by quickly and I don't really know what we have been doing that has made them pass in a blink of an eye. I can't say anything noteworthy or exceptional has occurred. I guess the days go by when you nap through naptime and play the rest of the day.
Yesterday was really beautiful, it was warm and sunny and was so nice. Also, yesterday Lance took a total of a 30 minute nap in the car on the way home from small group and I was stunned that he was very pleasant the rest of the day! Normally he is a total grouch if he doesn't get enough sleep, but yesterday he was awesome, today though another story. Today isn't cold, but it is cloudy and blah out, we did get a little bit of outside playtime in and had a major temper tantrum when I tried bringing him inside. Lance is a ball of fury today, probably a result of no nap yesterday and getting up early. Hopefully he will wake up from nap happier. And the last three days Lance, Mr. eat nothing and be happy, is eating as much as I do. This morning at breakfast he ate everything he had on his plate and then ate the rest of my muffin and bacon. He has never eaten as much as he has the last three days, he must be on a growth spurt, but I am glad to see him eating considering some days he will eat two bites and then say "all done."
This morning, I started rearranging Lance and my room in preparation for baby. We have ridiculously small closets and until Friday I kept my clothes hung up on a rod in our bedroom (we have such little space I am starting now to figure out how we are going to manage it all). Since none of my clothes currently fit I was able to move the few items I can wear to my mini closet and put the changing table where the hanging rack was. I hope to put a toy box in Lance's room where the changing table was. I don't know how we are going to fit a baby and all of the baby gear into our house, we have no more room!
So not much going on here, just domestic life. Counting down the days until the 31st when we find out whether we have a girl baby or a boy baby, I found a girl name I like, my mom hates it- Analyn. She says it is to different, I say that is why I like it, I am not totally sold. I like Ethan for a boy, but it is so popular right now that I don't know, I don't want a really popular name, I hated being one of many Sarahs growing up in school, I would get jealous of people who were called just by their first name when I was always called by my first and last name because there was always more than one Sarah in my class. Fortunately we have quite awhile before we have to settle on anything.
Yesterday was really beautiful, it was warm and sunny and was so nice. Also, yesterday Lance took a total of a 30 minute nap in the car on the way home from small group and I was stunned that he was very pleasant the rest of the day! Normally he is a total grouch if he doesn't get enough sleep, but yesterday he was awesome, today though another story. Today isn't cold, but it is cloudy and blah out, we did get a little bit of outside playtime in and had a major temper tantrum when I tried bringing him inside. Lance is a ball of fury today, probably a result of no nap yesterday and getting up early. Hopefully he will wake up from nap happier. And the last three days Lance, Mr. eat nothing and be happy, is eating as much as I do. This morning at breakfast he ate everything he had on his plate and then ate the rest of my muffin and bacon. He has never eaten as much as he has the last three days, he must be on a growth spurt, but I am glad to see him eating considering some days he will eat two bites and then say "all done."
This morning, I started rearranging Lance and my room in preparation for baby. We have ridiculously small closets and until Friday I kept my clothes hung up on a rod in our bedroom (we have such little space I am starting now to figure out how we are going to manage it all). Since none of my clothes currently fit I was able to move the few items I can wear to my mini closet and put the changing table where the hanging rack was. I hope to put a toy box in Lance's room where the changing table was. I don't know how we are going to fit a baby and all of the baby gear into our house, we have no more room!
So not much going on here, just domestic life. Counting down the days until the 31st when we find out whether we have a girl baby or a boy baby, I found a girl name I like, my mom hates it- Analyn. She says it is to different, I say that is why I like it, I am not totally sold. I like Ethan for a boy, but it is so popular right now that I don't know, I don't want a really popular name, I hated being one of many Sarahs growing up in school, I would get jealous of people who were called just by their first name when I was always called by my first and last name because there was always more than one Sarah in my class. Fortunately we have quite awhile before we have to settle on anything.
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