cleaning frenzy

Three days until the wedding and one day until family starts arriving to town. I am a woman on a mission- a cleaning mission, so why am I wasting nap time blogging, good question. This morning I tackled Jeff's bathroom and it was quite a mission. The sink had rust stains on it and after three attempts managed to remove it with a paste of bleach and baking soda, magic eraser, vinegar, and bathroom cleaner did not work. I scrubbed the bathtub and had to use the magic eraser to get the bottom white. I also tried to clean the grout, but nothing worked, not magic eraser, not baking soda/bleach, not cleaner, and not just regular cleaning. It isn't super nasty, but it isn't the sparkling white like the top is. Oh, I should have done a before and after shot, oh well, next time. I also took down the shower curtain and washed the liner, it was gross, but after a time in the washing machine it is clean, wahoo! I didn't want to fork over any extra money for something boring like a new liner. I also scrubbed down Lance's high chair, Lance grabbed a paper towel that had fallen on the floor and helped me clean, it was very cute. It made me realize that he is getting to be a little boy and will be able to do more than just make a mess, but also clean up his mess. Okay, I gotta get more done.

a night out

Last night my friend Erica and I went out to dinner and did a little shopping baby free. It was a lot of fun to be able to eat without having to share it with Lance and just be able to take care of myself. It was also nice to be able to hang out with Erica especially since she is moving to Baltimore next month. Jeff pointed out last night that I make a good friend and then they move away, I wonder what is wrong with me? Let's see there is Kay, then Amy, and Chris, then Angela, Christy, and now Erica. I know there is more than that, but I can't think of anyone so I sit here having a little pity party that everyone leaves me, I wish I could be the leaver and the leavee. Anyways on a positive note, we had a great time at dinner and then we did a little bit of shopping afterwards. Erica and I are very bad influences on each other, we have this bad habit of talking each other into buying things that we see. I talked Erica into buying a memory book for Haden since I had a coupon and since she was getting a memory book, I of course had to get something too. We then went to Old Navy and had a good time looking for clothes for our boys. We also both tried on the same shirt and figured since we were both opposite body types the shirt would look good on one of us, we were wrong, the shirt looked bad on both of us. I also found a pair of jeans that I liked, but they were a little tight and I didn't know how much they would shrink if I washed them. It was nice last night to be just Sarah and kind of like my old self, but I was glad to get home and bummed that I didn't get to hang out with Lance, but I know I can every other night.
Today it is just Lance and I because Jeff has been hired to go with some kids to a skate park for a kid's birthday. It is kind of funny that Jeff is the hired celebrity especially considering we are poor as dirt, but maybe it will pay off one day. Last night I bought bubbles to decorate for Amy's wedding next weekend and I really should get some more bows tied on before lance wakes up from nap. I can't believe the wedding is next Saturday, oh my gosh! My little sister is getting married! AHHHHHHH!

the doctor

This morning I had a doctor's appointment and my mom's best friend babysat Lance. It was rough leaving Lance because this was the first time I had left him with someone other than my mom or Jeff. I was worried about it my whole trip there wondering if he would be okay and if he was screaming his head off. My wonderings were correct, it turns out that he did cry after I left and then fell asleep and slept the whole time I was gone. So the first step of Lance's independence of me began this morning. The doctor visit was kind of depressing. It sucks sitting in the waiting room watching all of these pregnant women come and go. There was a couple across the room who were celebrating the ultrasound and the news that they were having a little girl. What was interesting was the woman did not even look pregnant, it made me wonder, is that the way I looked when I was 5 months pregnant? Well the seeing the doctor did not help the wanting to be pregnant longings. Right after the doctor asked how I was doing he said, "Lance tells me he is lonely, so when you going to have another one." Several times in the ten minutes I saw the doctor he made some kind of comment about having another. Jeff says it is just because he wants more of our money, I just think he is an OB, isn't that just the way he is wired? As he was leaving he gave me the reminder paper of when to schedule another exam and asked if I would even need the reminder sheet because I would being seeing him in a couple of months because we would be pregnant, we will see and that it was up to Jeff. I don't understand why I want to go through all the torture of being pregnant, delivery, and those couple of months again and how I think we would possibly be able to afford another one. I get frustrated because I just want to be content with life now, another one will complicate things, and do I really want to go through all of that again. And like Jeff says, Lance is perfect, will the second be that way too?
On a random note I found at the JCrew outlet a pair of shoes that I have been wanting. They are normally $118, but I got them for $50. I feel bad spending the money because we are so broke, but I really want a pretty pair of shoes and all I ever wear are flip flops anymore.

we are walking for real now

Lance has been taking steps and increasing the distance between people and objects slowly for a month now, but today I realized his is really a walker now. He now will stand up by himself in the middle of the floor and walk to where he wants to go and he will also walk across a room to something and not just someone. I sound like a broken record, but he is growing up so fast I which I had a pause button sometimes or at least a forward in slow motion. According The Girlfriend's Guide to Toddlers, toddlers don't learn in a progression like babies, but they are more like a firecracker, this does seem to be true with Lance. He was walking just between Jeff and I, then every now and then between the ottoman and tv, and now everywhere, it wasn't a slow gradual progression, it wasn't over night, but three days ago he couldn't walk as far as he has gone today. He has also almost mastered blowing kisses, he never would try before and today he will hold his hand up to his mouth if you ask him to blow a kiss. Now if we can just increase his vocabulary to include mama or some other word other than "up."

kind of white trashy

there are many articles of clothing that i thought looked so cool, but then i tried it on and realized it look better on the hanger. I did not realize until today that it can happen to toddlers too. This outfit is cute off of him, but it becomes white trash on. It was a present twice, two different people gave it to lance for his birthday. It does have a skateboarder on it which should make it cool, by association, but Lance just can't pull it off. It isn't easy to see in the photo but Lance has a farmer's tan and with the large armholes on the shirt he looks redneck. The shorts are also really long and are more capants then shorts. More importantly, Lance is demonstrating in these pictures that he can go down the slide by himself! He had a good time at the mini-park and getting pretty good at the slide.

father's day recap

lance and daddy taking the gator for a spin

looking like such a big boy

they are bonding, can you tell?

the summit

the view

i live that way

too hot outside

It is ridiculously hot outside today. Today was Babysitting Tuesday and the day really flew by. We took John to his morning activity and then went to visit my mom at work. We then picked John up and fixed lunch. They were out of bread so we had peanut butter and jelly on hot dog buns and made up a song about it. After lunch we headed to a salon for the boys to get their hair cut. Then we dropped John off at tennis lessons and headed home. Lance is currently sleeping and I am really tired. Lance has been getting up at like 4 and then 6:30 and he is overly tired. I was really hoping that he would sleep in this morning, but no such luck. I need to go rest because this evening instead of a leadership meeting we are going fishing, which should be fun. We are helping some mentally challenged kids fish, which will definitely be exciting, I just hope it cools down a little. Father's Day was kind of uneventful, we went to church, worked around the house, went to see Charles, dinner, and then went to see the LU on the mountain. Jeff tried to fix the storm door, but no such luck, he needs some kind of wedge or something, I don't know, but I was really hoping that I would be able to scratch that off our list, maybe next weekend. Jeff and I have been listening to podcasts of Andy Stanley in the evenings, really good stuff, about how we need to change our thinking instead of breaking away or running away. I am always tempted to just move away, but I know that it wouldn't make life any better. Okay, I need to finish the laundry. Only a week and a half to my sister wedding, and I still haven't ordered shoes!

can't sleep

Pre-lance I would have to get eight hours of sleep to function and I could sleep easily, now sleep can be such a hard thing some nights. If anything is bothering me I can't sleep or if Lance doesn't follow his usual pattern, can't sleep. He usually gets up at 5 or 5:30 to eat and goes back to bed, if he gets up at 6 or after like he did this morning I can't go back to sleep. I guess that maybe it is the light that disturbs my sleep pattern, at 5 it is still dark, but at 6 it is bright and my brain thinks it is time to get up. Who knows.
Today is Father's day. This holiday has never meant a lot to me since my father has been gone for so many years. I think with each new year it will mean more since Jeff is now a father. This year I got Jeff a card which is a set up from last year when I don't think I got him anything. Maybe next year he will get a gift!
Lance will now say one word. It is not mommy or daddy, it is "UP." He does not say it to be held up he just mimics up, but it is still cute. I am just happy that we have one recognizable word, extremely low expectations here!
Yesterday I did a very difficult thing for me to do. I went to Jeff's brother's house for a Father's day dinner. It took a whole lot of prayer, but I went. I felt like I was going into the lion's den because I am not well liked in his family. I got through the evening without doing offending anyone, i think, but I guess I will find that out later. It was a no win situation. If we didn't go then it showed that we are trying to make things work which isn't true, but if we did go and I did or say something wrong then I am screwed too. I am sure I did not come off as friendly because I did not really say much because I didn't want to say anything that would upset anyone, but then again no one really talked to me either, but no one will notice that, they will just see me not talking. Ahhhhhh! I hate the double standards that exist. There is a higher standard set on me and it is a standard that is impossible to meet, if I don't initiate conversation and talk a lot then I am not friendly and if I do then I am "raking someone over the coals." I can't win and I am glad that I made an appearance and hopefully I won't have to for another six months or maybe Christmas!
On a positive note: we might have found our beach house. The beach house that we have been staying in the last two years is booked up until December. We found another one that we like that is availabe and reasonably priced. The upside is that every bedroom has a deck and it has a great view of the ocean, the downside is the furniture isn't as cool as the other house we stayed in, but the view is a lot more important anyways! Oh I can't wait to go to the beach for a whole week, I wish I could go tomorrow.

all quiet on the home front

Today is the first day all week I have been home for naptime. It is so nice to be able to sit in my own house and do nothing, I really should be getting some stuff done, but I am enjoying just sitting for right now. This morning was nice, we all slept in, and I feel quite refreshed after 9 hours of sleep, not quite continuous, but the 5:30 snack by Lance wasn't too bad. Weaning Lance is quite the slow process, but at least we are down to 3 times in a 24 hour period. On a totally random note, here are some pics of this past week:
how can one kid who is so cute:

make such an ugly face?

this would be lance's poop face.


you would think that he is really filling up his diaper, but there is little to show for all this work.
Also this week Lance has begun to climb. Lance is getting quite good at climbing which is fun and scary all at the same time. He really enjoyed climbing onto this chair, sometimes he would sit nicely and other times he would stand and reach up as to say, "look at me, i am the king of the mountain."

last day

and not the best one. Today the weather is gross, cold and rainy. This morning we played around the house for a few hours and then headed off to the library. The boys picked out a few books and a video each and after I looked for some books we stood in line to check out. The boys were able to pick out one video each and Thomas had a tough time trying to decide on one. He picked one out, then changed his mind, and after I told him to finally make a decision he decided on the first one again, but then when we were in line he changed his mind again. I told Thomas that I had already told him that he was out of time and choices and what he picked was what he was going to have, but he was not a happy camper. He wanted to change to a different video, I told him no, Thomas is not a good decision maker and I knew that he had the potential to change his mind several more times if I let him. I told him he could have the video he picked out or no video. Once again, the two-year-old revealed its ugly head. Thomas began to cry and throw a temper tantrum. As we were walking out of the library he was screaming his head off, and he just got louder as we headed to the car. It was very embarassing to be with this five-year-old who is screaming and crying. We got into the car and the temper tantrum was not over, he continued to cry and tell me he wanted a different video, he doesn't give up easily. Despite Thomas' bad behavior we headed to Chick-fil-a for lunch because the clean lady was at the boys house and I really didn't feel like dealing with the boys and not getting in her way. Lunch went smoothly and after lunch we headed back to their house for rest time. Unfortunately Lance did not like the idea of nap and never slept. We played in the big room until their mom came home and I was so thankful when their mom finally arrived. I love John and Thomas but not being able to go outside and all the energy they have was driving me a little crazy. They would play together and then fight and then tattle one the other, and the back and forth was exhausting. I am pretty tired today and did not have the patience to deal with their issues. I am sad that our week is up, it has been fun, but at the same time I can't wait for the quieter pace of one child and being able to get things done at home.

oh the rewards kids want

We are almost finished with our babysitting extravangza, only one more day. I thought today was goinng to be a rough one but it turned out okay. The boys and I decided to go bike riding on the trail after John's piano lesson. Thomas has desperately wanted to go for a bike ride since he learned how to ride his bike without his training wheels. He wanted to go to a parking lot, but since it was Wednesday there weren't any empty lots to choose from so we decided on the trail. He attempted to ride his bike and got scared and decided that he didn't want to ride his bike after all. At this point John had already taken off down the trail on his bike so there was no turning around or we would never catch up to John. I also figured that Thomas just needed to get use the trail and that he would give it a second or third try. Thomas wasn't in the mood to keep trying. He screamed and cried and carried on about how he wanted to go home and he didn't want to push his bike. He was being completely unreasonable and I kept walking because I didn't pack up the boys' bike, lance's stroller, and switch his carseat just for 5 minutes on the trail. We walked down the train trestle and Thomas screamed the whole way there. On the way back I tried talking to Thomas about why he felt that he couldn't ride the bike and what he was scared of. I then asked him what reward might he want if he rode his bike. I was trying to figure out what was reasonable, I assumed he would want a new webkin, hotwheels cars, a dvd, or computer game, but what he said took me back. He wanted a lunchable for lunch. A lunchable, that was doable so we tried riding with me helping and me running back to grab Lance every now and then. Thomas did great, it is amazing hard he tried now that there was a reward to be won. Thomas rode most of the mile back to the car. After our bike ride/walk he headed to the grocery store for the lunchables and then headed home for lunch. After lunch the boys read in their rooms and I attempted to get Lance to take a nap. After nap/reading time we headed off to the pool. When we got there the pool was closed because of thunder, but it opened after about 15 minutes and the boys were able to get all of their energy out. The day flew by, only one more day to go.

i wish

I wish I had the extra money for a new sling, maybe I could win one. If I were to win a $75 gift certificate to MamaKanga I would get a new pouch for Lance. I wish I wasn't so poor and I would just buy a new one, it would be worth the money since we use the one we have everyday, well we can at least dream.

ready for day 5, or is 4?

The all day babysitting gig isn't too bad, much better than I first thought, we are now into a routine. Friday was John's last day of school so we went to the pool right after picking him up for school. We had lunch at the snack bar and played in the water until everyone was tired and grumpy. We then headed home where Thomas and Lance took a nap and day 3 was over and done with. Over the weekend I took my bridesmaid dress to be altered, picked up my new eyeglasses, and went to the in laws for dinner. Dinner wasn't too bad except that their house is not Lance proof and there were lots of breakables and things for him to get into everywhere. He also did not want to sit during dinner and the night was not relaxing for me at least. Sunday was Open House at church, we had a pancake breakfast that was yummy and then we worked on the house the rest of the afternoon. I am excited that trimming the bushes and painting the bench out front can be removed off of the house to-do list. Jeff spray painted the bench and it looks nice and I now I will want to sit on it since I don't have to worry about paint flicking off on me like I did before. Yesterday's babysitting flew by. We all went to small group and I tried to get Lance to hang out with the babysitter and give me a break, but he wanted nothing to do with her and screamed and screamed. It was very stressful because when we was with me he was getting into everything and pulling everything out of my purse and when he wasn't he was just screaming his head off. After small group we headed to the "train store" for lunch. Then each of the boys picked out charts and stickers to put their chores on so they could keep up with their summer chores. When we got back to their house we made their chore chart and then it was nap/ reading time. I tried to get Lance to go to sleep, but I ended up having to just throw him in the pack'n'play and run. He went to sleep after 10 minutes and stayed asleep for close to 2 hours, I was glad since the last time I threw and ran he only slept for 30 minutes. I am starting to get the hang of this whole work full time gig, I had enough energy afterwards to make dinner! I had to pack up dinner and take it to the shop because we had a meeting last night, but I am still proud I was able to make dinner instead of just picking something up. Our meeting was long, but we enjoyed ourselves and reallying enjoying hanging out with the other two couples and dreaming about the future of our church. Today we have a picnic at the boys elementary school which should be fun, but tiring especially since I didn't sleep well last night and I got up way to early this morning. I hope to make it through today.

missing the beach

especially since I found out yesterday that the beach house we always rent is already booked up for the entire summer, what are we going to do? it kills me that we have been so slack on lining up our favorite house!

day two down

Today was quite a long day. Lance is so tired that hopefully he will sleep all night since he didn't get a nap really today, but something tells me he might be getting up even more tonight. Today we picked up John from school and made lunch at their house. We enjoyed our lunch on the porch and the boys reinforced Lance's bad mealtime behavior by laughing when he threw food on the floor and tired to overturn his plate. After lunch I tried everything I could to get Lance to take a nap. I ended up just throwing him in the pack'n'play and running. He screamed for 20 minutes and boy did he ever scream. Thomas and I were in his room right next door to Lance and despite the screaming we both fell asleep. I did wake up after 20 minutes because the screaming was hurting my ears, but Thomas amazingly kept sleeping. Lance finally fell asleep and I felt victorious, but it was quite short lived, after 25 to 30 minutes he started crying again and John went to go get him which led to more ear piercing screaming and me admitting defeat. The boys and I then got ready and headed to the pool. I was worried that it was going to be a total disaster since I had an exhausted Lance on my hands, but the water had quite the soothing affect. I put him in his float and he played in the water for about an hour, I was the one who grew tired of swimming before he did. After John's swim practice we headed home and day two of babysitting was done. When we got back to their house their dad was home as well as their uncle, their uncle the OB doctor, the OB doctor who delivered Lance, it was a little awkward, at least for me. When I was pregnant with Lance there were a few doctors I had hoped weren't at the hospital the day I would go into labor and he was one, not because he isn't a good doctor but because I know his family, I babysat his children when I was in high school, I was his nephews nanny and I still babysit for them, and of all the doctors in the practice I knew that I would see him outside of a hospital setting and sure enough I have. I saw him quite a few times last summer when I would go to swim meets at the pool down the street to see my friend the head coach because he was a parent volunteer, I saw him at the Thanksgiving party his family throws every year since I am kind of like family, and then I saw him this afternoon. Anyways, it is just a little weird, but he was nice and did make a funny comment when Lance seemed uneasy about him, something about how he doesn't remember him but he met him first. Well back to the day, we had taken Jeff to work which meant we needed to pick him up and though we had lots of time to kill I didn't want to go home and have to wake Lance up if he fell asleep so we headed to the shop. He slept most of the way there and slept for 30 minutes in Jeff's arms while we waited for closing time. Today was a very, very bad day at the shop. It makes it very stressful and depressing, how do you get people to come and support our shop locally? Well despite the fact that we are broke we went out to dinner and had a fairly nice dinner at Panera and then went to Sam's Club to try a last ditch effort to make some money. We bought a drink cooler and drinks in hopes that we can make some fast money selling drinks to the kids who come and hang out at our shop, these kids usually don't buy anything and just come to hang so maybe we can at least get some money out of them this way, drinks have a pretty good markup. After Sam's we stopped downtown to see the progress of the skatepark and then headed home. I fed Lance and got him ready for bed and Jeff brought in some lightning bugs he had caught and put in a baby food jar. We turned off the lights and enjoyed watching the bugs light up, I love lightning bugs, they are a sign that it is summertime. I always get excited the first time I notice them and sad in the fall when I realize that they are no longer there. It is funny how easily you can take them for granted and how exciting it is to notice they are back when it starts getting warmer. I am not a bug person, but they are pretty darn cool. On a random note: I sit here after a crazy day and being away from home for over 12 hours and I just have to say, I don't know how women can handle both children and a career outside of the home. How on earth do they do it? I got home and I was so tired and the last thing I want to do is cook dinner, clean, or really do much of anything. These last two days have made me very thankful that I don't have to work full time away from home and I have a totally new respect for those who do. This lifestyle is tough!

adventures in babysitting

Today was day one in adventures in babysitting.
We picked up the boys at school and headed to the store to grab sandwiches for a picnic lunch at the park. After lunch we decided to go on an "adventure" and follow the trail through the woods by the river. The trail was supposedly 1.1 miles, and went up and down on the side of a hill.

It began by the railroad trestle.

It was very pretty and according to the sign the trail was made in the 1930's.

It had nice stepping stones and ended at the rocky overlook which is the weirdest looking structure I have seen.

Lance did great in the sling and with it being naptime.

John spotted a snail while walking, I am quite impressed that he was able to notice it as we were walking along.

After our adventure we played on the playground for a short amount of time and then headed back to their house. The boys both have a webkinz and they want to play with their webkinz online all the time. Today they showed me a game to play to win dollars to buy things for the Webkinz. Thomas let me play to win some points and I have to admit it was very fun and addicting, I got to level 4 before Lance turned off the computer, I was disappointed because I was on quite a roll. We then got ready and headed to the pool for John's swim practice. While John was at practice Thomas and I played in the quite chilly water. It is hard being at the country club and watching all of women and seeing all that they have and comparing it to what little I have. It made me a little lonely that I don't have a lot of friends I do things with, but then again whose to say that these women are really loyal friends to each other anyways. It was hard being at the country club and not wanting to be a part of that lifestyle, being a have instead of a have not. Comparison kills and boy did it today. I wonder what adventures we will take tomorrow.

it never ends

The more I think about all the work that needs to be done the more work I can think of. Such as. . .
all the exterior wood needs to be painted, fortunately there isn't too much outside of deck railing and porch
the storm door needs to be adjusted so it will close properly
did I remember the fridge door handle
the wasp nest under the deck
crown moulding in the living room
putty to fill in the large cracks in the hard wood floors
the ceiling in my bathroom needs replacing and my cold water faucet drips because it is temperamental
the hard plastic attached to the deck needs to be taken off and cleaned, so many leaves are stuck in there
oh yeah, and one gutter needs a new downspout
in my whole list I am starting to make my house sound like a dump, it is really nice, it is just old and after having Lance we have had a hard time staying on top of repairs and updates
the house was built in '46, but fortunately it was updated in 97 so the bathrooms, kitchen, laundry and central air are pretty new, but now that I think about it, 97 is 10 years old, it doesn't look that old
Sometimes I wish that we had a newer house, but I am sure that a newer house would have problems as well
On a totally random note tomorrow starts our extreme babysitting adventure. For the next week we will be babysitting every day all day (with the exception of the weekends). Having three kids all day will be an adventure especially trying to make sure that Lance gets his nap in. Part of me is excited about spending all day with my three favorite boys, but part of me wonders what I got myself into. I am trying to think positively and look forward to the fact that when this week is over with I will have my eyeglasses paid for and some money for the hutch I have been trying to save for since September. I am horrified to see that it is on sale, which means they might be discontinuing it before I have the chance to finally get it. I have been saving money for months and months, but every time I get close there is a bill or something that I use the money for, it is very discouraging. As I sit here staring at the screen of my computer I realize I can see so clearly because 300 of my dollars went to new contacts and 300 went to new eyeglasses (yes, i am blind as a bat), 300 went to Christmas gifts and paying off a credit card, and 150 went to our beach trip. AHHHHH! I hope there is still time.

House To-Do

I don't know why I feel the urgent need to make a to-do list for things we need to do around the house, and set goals to get some things done, but I do. Well, if I am honest it is probably because our next door neighbor is working outside and appears to be tearing down the gutters, removing the shutters for painting, and getting their house all spiffed up. I was thinking of making a nice list and posting it on the refrigerator, but decided that I would probably get to neurotic on things that don't matter like spacing and font and just to post my list.
1- repaint windows or if a large chunk of change falls our way replace windows
2- repaint doors and shutters
3- build a shed
4- replace railing on front porch and paint front porch
5- fix up flower bed closest to neighbor's yard
6- finish installing brick border on all flower beds
7- buy a weed eater and use it
8- organize storage under the deck
9- repaint banister
10- fix refrigator door handle
11- install pantry doors
12- make a patio and/or re-do sidewalk
13- work on flowerbed beside the house
14- scrub side of house where ivy once grew
15- figure out and plant some plants on side of house that is ugly due to ivy
16- fix panes of glass on back door
17- seal crawl space doors in Lance's room
18- fix ceiling in my bathroom
19- mulch flower beds and organize flower beds
20- put decorative grass all around driveway instead of just one side
21- install a fence in the backyard
22- finish closet in our bedroom
23- find globe for light in the laundry room
24- get a light kit for the ceiling fan in the playroom
25- fix motion sensor light's sensor
okay, this list isn't totally realistic and would probably take a whole lot of time and money, but i can dream
there are so many things that I would like to do to the house and part of me wonders if it is worth it, how much longer are we going to stay here? if we were ever to have another child, would there be enough room? will we ever be able to afford some place else? whenever I plant a new plant I always think about time and how long we will stay here since most plants take several years to be established and I wonder will I be able to really enjoy the flowers that I have planted or will someone else? I love my house and neighborhood, but sometimes I wish we lived in a newer house that didn't need so much work, was a bigger and had a basement and/or attic. Storage is such a challenge when there isn't a large place to just dump everything, but on the flip side I can't be a pack rat and I try and give away what I don't use fairly frequently.
Speaking of children I have had the baby bug, for reasons that don't seem to make a lot sense, I want to have another child, now Jeff doesn't know or at least I haven't come right out and said anything especially since we are struggling financially right now, but I want to have another baby. There are tons of reasons why I should not want to have another right now or anytime soon: I am still nursing Lance, he still isn't sleeping all night long, we are broke, we have a small house with little growth room, we are broke, we are still paying the bills for Lance's delivery, I just started mt. biking and dancing again which I would have to give up again, I finally feel somewhat back to my old stuff, I want to go to a children's ministry conference next spring, I have some freedom with one child, and did I mention we are broke? I am so confused and frustrated and kind of embrassed to admit my desire for number 2. What is also annoying is that it seems like everywhere I turn I see pregnant women in large numbers. The last couple of times I have been to Target I have seen at least 5, when I was at the park last week I saw two in an hour and half, everyone I turn I see newborns and pregnant women, even magazines seem to be full of articles such as one that came on Saturday "Pregnant with Number 2?" Ahhh, I feel like I am surrounded and can't get away. I am hoping that it is just a phase and will subside soon.