poor baby and poor me

The last four days have been crazy. Let's see. Sunday, I woke up with a sore throat and my nose pouring, I was miserable all day. I also was shocked to find a few grey hairs on my head! My hair is the same color and fineness of my grandmother and mother, and I was happy because that meant I had Manlief hair- hair that does not grey, but some Hannah hair (my father's side of the fam) must have snuck in there. I called my mom all upset because I am only 28 years old, I should not have grey hair yet! She informed me that my father and his side of the family greyed early. NO, I thought, I don't want grey hair early! My father died when I was 8 so I don't remember much about him or his hair color, but my mom said that his hair was mostly grey at the time, is that going to be me, mostly grey?????? All I have to say this, obviously having Lance matured me and stressed me out so much that my hair is turning grey! My mom didn't seem to understand my concern since I am always coloring it and changing up the color every so many months so it doesn't really matter, but it is the principle that now I will HAVE to dye my hair to hide the grey, or maybe I can make a fashion statement by having grey hair! Now what is ironic is I can't seem to get away from grey becuase not only is my hair turning grey, but we now are proud owners of a grey car, well a brownish-grey car . We did it! I am in mourning, but we traded in my favorite car for a family car, or the coolest version of a family car we could find. I am no longer the owner of a silver VW Golf, but a grey Subauru Forrester. We looked a the car a week ago and really liked it but we didn't want to increase our payments by a lot so we told the dealership thanks, but no thanks. They called a week later with a better deal and so we decided to take them up on it since we have been a little smushed in our car since we Lance arrived. I really like our new car, but I loved my Golf, so much so that I cried when we left it at the dealership. I would do anything to go back and buy it back, but it just wasn't practical anymore and we really want to travel this summer and the idea of the three of us in the car for any amount of time over 20 minutes makes me claustrophobic. Not wanting to give up our car was an advantage at getting this one becuase we would not settle for any payment option they threw out at us and we really wheeled and dealed with them. As a result of all this, I must say, I hate car salesmen, but then again, I hate it when people lie to me and I can never tell if they are telling me the truth. When we arrived at the dealership the car salesman asked if we were excited and I said no, I really liked my car, he asked if it would make me feel better to know that it already had a home because they already had someone who wanted our car, now I don't know if he was telling the truth or not, but I really didn't want anyone else to have my car. When we bought it four years ago I expected to have this car until it died, I didn't think then, kids don't really fit, but I had also waited for several years for a Golf, saved my money up for one, and really had fun with my first ever new car. When we bought it, it had only 100 miles on it, it had 63168 when we turned it over, I am already saving up for another one to replace Jeff's car, but it make take me a while and it might be a Rabbit instead of a Golf, but they are practically the same thing anyways. Well enough being sad, poor baby. Lance is sick yet again and yesterday he was so miserable. He could not sleep because of all the mucus and he kept throwing up or at least trying to (actually choking on all the mucus). I took him to the doctor which of course was little help but they did say I could give him some dimetapp which we have been giving to him on a regular basis. He is still very congested and wakes himself up choking. He is so pitiful, but he slept pretty good last night once we finally got him down. He isn't eating very much so I am very engorged and had to pump last night at 5am because I couldn't handle the pain any longer, I didn't want him to eat too much and throw up, and I didn't want my supply to shorten too much so then he would be eating constantly to get the supply back up. The night could have been a lot worse and I am so thankful that it wasn't. My main concern now is that Jeff stays healthy because he is going to Colorado tomorrow for five days of snowboarding. He has been looking forward to this trip for months and it is the trip of a lifetime and it would make me so sad if he wasn't feeling well while he was gone. Jeff has been drinking lots of C-Monsters smoothies to keep himself healthy and I hope that he has a great time, I don't know what I am going to do without him and I hope that Lance and I are feeling better because it could be really rough without him. Speaking of, I need to go check on the little man.

saturday morning

I have a weakness for blueberry donuts, it goes back to early childhood. In fact, I choked on a blueberry donut when I was young and turned blue, despite them almost killing me once, I still love them. This morning after not the best night of sleep I decided to go and get one for breakfast. Jeff and Lance were too lazy to join me so I was going solo which I was excited about because that meant I could continue to listen to my new favorite thing: podcasts! I looked forward to listening to the previous week's message since I missed it because I was back in Kidz Life. Anyways, as I was getting into my car I looked up and saw Lance peeking out our bedroom window. I waved and he got all excited and started dancing. Almost every morning he comes in our room, eats and then he looks out that window, now I know how he looks from the outside.
Something else that hit me this morning and kind of last night is the concept of unconditional love. I have learned that God loves people unconditionally, I never fully grasped this concept. Many people say they understand this when they have a child because they love their child unconditionally. I still didn't quite get it, but I realized today that I do get it, but not from my love for Lance, but in Lance's love for me. I know that when I look back at these very words in years it won't be the same, but Lance right now loves me unconditionally. He loves me and thinks I am the greatest person, he doesn't see my faults, he is swayed by other people's opinion, he doesn't even care what other people think, he LOVES me and he thinks I am the coolest person ever! This idea totally blows me away. He still loves me when I don't pick him up right away or I accidentally let him fall over or I take away a toy from him, he loves me unconditionally. So, he doesn't know any better, but I don't really care because he really loves me, just like God does, and God won't ever not.

i can't wait for springtime!

The last couple of days have been warm and it has really been a great motivator for me. I love spring and summer despite my horrible seasonal allergies. I can't wait to go to the beach, taking walks in the evening, swimming, flowers and gardening, eating out on the back deck, and just having more daylight. The last couple of morning Lance and I have gotten up and taken a walk around 8 am and it is a little chilly, but I know in a couple of months it will be perfect! I can't wait! It is amazing how getting out for a walk in the morning helps me get going and energizes me. I am tired of hibernating and being cooped up every day. I took Lance to the park on Wednesday to try out the swing, he was a little unsure about it, but yesterday when we gave it a second try, he really seemed to enjoy it. There are so many projects I want to get done, like fixing one of the flower beds, repainting or replacing the windows, and painting the back door, and all of these projects are doable with warm temperatures. Okay, Mr. Had NO Nap Except in the Car is whining, but all I have to say is: Bring on Spring, I am so over winter!

Happy Valentine's Day!

getting too big too fast

This morning I went in to get Lance because he was awake and I was startled to find him standing up in the crib! I couldn't believe it! I am sad that my little baby is now getting so big, before I know it he will be escaping from the crib. I know I say it all the time, but it seems like it was just yesterday that I was waiting to see him or he was just the tiny little guy who looked so small in the big crib. Last night Jeff got a funny picture of him with his favorite blanket:

He has other blankets, but he doesn't like them as much because he can't put his fingers in it like he can this one.
Jeff is at a trade show today and tomorrow and so Lance and I are at the store, and we had some fun playing peek-a-boo with the display cases. He also didn't want to take a nap there in his pack-n-play. I made three attempts and even let him cry for a bit in hopes that he would fall asleep, but no luck. I went next door to the bike shop to say hi and they said they heard Lance crying, kind of impressive since he wails were through the wall and over the music.

This weekend was pretty uneventful. Lance and I went to a baby sign language class on Saturday which was disappointing. I don't know what I was expecting, but I knew most of the signs already. We also went to a baby shower for someone from church. It was okay, but Lance was really tired and cranky most of the time. Saturday night Jeff and I did get to escape from Lance for long enough to go to Sam's Club to get some items. It was nice to get out without the stress of Lance and worrying if he was going to break down in screaming while we were out. Oh, how could I forget, he slept really well!!! He slept until 5:30 Sunday morning which is awesome, all night, I was up because I was about to explode before he did. Last night was as good, he got up at 3:30, but it is a whole lot better than 12:30 like he had been. Hopefully tonight he will only get up once since it is just me, I can only hope! Oh no, he is up already, he just went down about 30 minutes ago!

a snow day!

all bundled up, he looks like a gingerbread man:

in the snow:


It finally snowed here! Yes, it has snowed before and it has sleeted before, but we got real, beautiful snow that stays around for more than a few hours! It was awesome, the weather people were calling for a dusting if any and we got 3 inches! We had such a good day yesterday. Since it was a snow day we went over to babysit the boys and we had a good time with them in the snow. It is funny, when I taught high school snow days meant days off from work, now snow days mean a day to work, but it is fun and most importantly, Lance LOVES IT! He just can't get enough of the boys and he is easily entertained. Besides playing in the snow for the first time, Lance attempted stairs and he was quite the good stair climber. I had never let him get near stairs before, but yesterday while I was trying to make lunch he started up and under the watchful eyes of the boys he attempted stair climbing. It is exciting, yet makes life harder since he is now even more mobile, but he is so small in comparison and just so cute while attempting to make it up, I gotta love it.

the makings of a strong-willed child

I don't want to look back and realized that I screwed up and I have one of "those children," but I don't know what to do. He has been getting up a lot at night, and he isn't eating as though he is hungry and I am getting tired of being a pacifer. Saturday night we tried to just let him cry it out, but unfortunately Lance won the game of who has the strongest will, after 30 minutes I couldn't take it anymore (neither could Jeff) and I got him and fed him. What should have been a 15 feeding session turned into an hour and half ordeal and I realized that I am a sucker for Lance and screaming in the middle of the night. I thought letting him cry for 30 minutes was harsh but after talking to some other moms who have older children,they have let their kids cry for an hour! An hour! Who could possible stand an hour of crying, change that screaming? It isn't like you can go to sleep when your little one is screaming with all his might in the next room! It is so hard to try and figure out what to do. Lance is starting to throw tantrums especially in the car or any other time when he is confined, I guess I just hoped that he would continue to love his bed. Jeff is out of town so it is me all by myself tonight, to scream or not to scream, that will be the late night debate.

yeah for Benadryl, kind of

Lance helping out in the kitchen:



Lance playing:



Lance has had a cold for two weeks now, with a really yucky nose for over a week. I am so ready for him to be well and no more yucky nose, no more coughing, and no more gagging until throwing up. Yesterday he threw up a little at 4 am and then twice when I was trying to clean at my mom's. I called the doctor because I was really beginning to get worried about my little man, he wasn't eating much and he was throwing up every now and then what little he did eat. The doctor called me back and told me not to be to concerned as long as he was having a wet diaper every 8-10 hours which he was and that throwing up was just one way he was getting rid of the mucus and protecting his lungs. He did say that I could give him a small amount of Benadryl and though I do not like to give Lance any kind of medicine the little guy needed some kind of relief. I went to the store yesterday and picked some up. We gave him some right before bedtime because we figured it would make him really sleepy and he would sleep all night long. I wish. He was up every 3 hours! It was like he was a newborn again, except he was only eating/awake for 10-15 minutes as opposed to a newborn who is up 25-45 minutes at a time. It was rough, but Lance did have a clear nose, he was able to consume as much milk as my poor body could make for him and he kept everything down since he wasn't coughing or trying to clear his nose. Though we only gave him one dose at 8 last night his nose stayed pretty good until 11 this morning and even that isn't as bad as it has been. He was crying in the car on the way back from our morning outing so that started the yucky nose back, but he wasn't too bad. We gave him a little more at 11 and as a result he only napped for half an hour, I actually don't know if the medicine is to blame since I had tried to get some vacuuming done, but I hope he will go down for a little bit since I am quite sleepy myself.
Today most of the school systems are out due to the threat of snow and so far there hasn't been any substantial snow. My mom had to go to school today and she laughed that her school system was the only one in the area that was open. They were originally calling for 2-4 inches of snow, but I am sure by now they have cut that down, I was trying to not get my hopes up, I really want it to snow!
Though I say this everyday, I really can't believe how Lance getting older and growing up before my eyes. He isn't my wee little baby anymore, but he sure is a lot of fun and into everything. He loves to pull up on everything, crawl around the house, dance to any kind of music, play with daddy bike, and go to his "happy place" i.e. my knitting basket (he pulls out all of the yarn and pulls it through his hands and mouth, he gets so excited when he gets into it, it is very cute.)